Do You Know Me?
by KittenCobra
Summary: AkisameXOC - A woman awakes in Akisame Koetsuji's clinic to find that she has no memory of who she is or how she got there. Having been badly wounded and treated by the Judo master, she finds herself whisked off to Ryozanpaku - a strange dojo full of masters of many martial arts styles. Will they help her learn who she is? Will she ever want to go back?
1. Awake

My face feels numb… scratch that. My entire body feels numb. Everything is dark. I sit here in the dark for several moments, and sensations start coming in slowly. Now my body feels heavy, and sore all over. My head hurts terribly; like an axe has split my skull strait down the middle. I begin to see light through my closed eye-lids and this only increases the pain. Voices begin to drift in, but they're muffled and hazy.

"Miss?" A calm male voice calls, and I feel a strong hand on my shoulder. "Miss I need you to open your eyes. Can you hear my voice? Focus on the sound of my voice." His voice is the only pleasant thing in this storm of pain and discomfort. It is deep but smooth. It is also completely unfamiliar.

"Apa!" Another male voice calls. It is an older male, but the tone is childish and panicked. "Why her eyes not opening Akisame?! Was Apachai not fast enough?" A sound of short hysterical sobs break out in the same voice, but stop as the first voice cuts in again.

"She is going to be fine Apachai," he says in that smooth calming tone. "but we need to wake her up if we can. She may have a very serious concussion, and she has been asleep for a long time."

"Where on Earth did you find this young woman Apachai?" This voice is new – a third. It's the voice I would give to my grandfather if I actually had one. It is deep, obviously male, but rough unlike the first.

"Apa! Pretty lady was outside of the store!" the second voice still sounds distressed, and his shouting is making my head hurt more. "Apachai had gone in to buy food for the pigeons and saw her run into the alley. Three men were chasing her. Apachai tried to hurry, but one of them hit her over the head with a pipe! Apachai sorry!"

"Do you know how she got the rest of these injuries?" the first voice asks, his tone has the faintest hint of anger in it.

"Apachai not know," the second responds. "First man went to sleep after Apachai hit him only one time! The other two men ran away. Apachai would have chased them, but pretty lady was bleeding so much! Apachai was scared she would die!"

"You were right to bring her to me," the first voice states in his calmer tone again.

Is this Apachai the second voice? If so, why is he talking about himself in the third person? Well… his language skills don't seem to be very good. Maybe he's from another country. I need to respond to them instead of just listening, but everything is so difficult. My eyelids feel like lead weights strapped to my face. I try to open them and pain shoots through my head again.

"Ugh….." I moan slightly, embarrassed by how garbled I sound. Why does my throat hurt?

"Miss?" The deep smooth voice calls to me again, "That's right. Just try to open your eyes. Focus on my voice."

_Easier said than done genius, _I think bitterly. _Wait… how on Earth did I get here? Did that upset man… Apachai… bring me here? Where is here?_

After a few awful moments of pain, I am finally able to open my eyes. A strikingly handsome face is looking down at me with gentle eyes. His eyes are his most prominent feature. They are such a pale gray they look nearly as white as the orbs themselves – giving him the look of a blind man. The eyebrows above them seem to cut at severe angles. He has thick black hair that is smooth and cropped somewhat long for a man – just above the shoulders, and it drapes lazily over his right eye. He has a thin black mustache hovering over a warm smile. His face is as calming as his voice. He looks to be in his late thirties. He is also wearing a judo outfit, I realize a bit belatedly, and the image jars terribly with the rest of his peaceful persona.

"Where am I?" I manage to get out through a rough and broken voice. My hand flies to my throat in surprise at the sound, and the skin beneath my fingers screams in pain at my own touch. I flinch.

"Careful," the peaceful man says to me – he is the voice of the first man, the one asking questions. "Your throat is bruised badly. It appears that you were attacked and that someone got their hands around it at some point. For the answer to where you are… you are at my clinic. I am Koetsuji Akisame, and I am a doctor. My friend Apachai here found you and brought you to me out of concern over your current injuries. My colleague, Ma Kensei, and I have been treating you."

He motions to the side and I try to sit up so I can turn and see better. My muscles and my head scream in protest, but I ignore them. I am nearly upright when the room begins to spin and go black. I feel strong arms wrap around me and I am surprised they belong to the handsome face of the first man. The judo outfit he is wearing must be hiding some serious muscle. He assists me in sitting up and holds me carefully until I am steady before letting go and stepping back to a careful distance. Interesting… he seems to expect me to fear him.

Now that I am finally upright I turn to see the other two occupants of the room. They are huge! Turning back to the handsome man… Akisame I think he said his name was… he is also tall, but these two giants make him look average. They are both visibly built like some kind of martial arts masters or something – with more muscles than I thought existed on a human body. One is much older, with long blond flowing hair, and wearing a tight green kimono. The second is wearing brightly colored shorts and a tank top. His hands are wrapped like a boxer's, and he is obviously not from our country… but is still Asian. This one must be the one that keeps calling himself Apachai… the one who supposedly rescued me. He could be lying about the rescue… but… the ridiculously kind and excited smile on his face makes me doubt that very much.

"Is your name Apachai?" I ask him.

"Yes!" he shouts, and I flinch at his volume. He drops it down to a rough whisper. "Oh sorry. Apa…"

"Thank you for rescuing me," I give him a warm smile, or try to despite how much my face hurts.

"How did you know Apachai's name?" Apachai asks, pointing to himself.

"Well, I've been able to hear you talking for a little while," I admit. "Once I recognized Akisame's voice; that left you and this other man. I assumed you were Apachai, because you look like you're not from this country, and I had made that assumption about Apachai before I managed to get my eyes open. Does that mean that you are Ma Kensei?" I ask, turning my attention to the green giant.

"Well, her reasoning ability seems intact," Akisame says in an approving tone. "That's a good sign. And you are half correct Miss, this is my friend Apachai Hopachai – the man who rescued you and brought you to me. However, Kensei is retrieving some of the supplies he needs for your next treatment."

"I am Furinji Hayato," the other older man in green cuts in. "but most people just call me Elder. I am a friend to both of these men as well as Kensei. Would you care to explain how this happened to you young lady?"

"I…" I start, and then stop abruptly. I can't introduce myself because I… I can't remember my name! I can't remember the event the're talking about… I can't remember anything! My mind begins racing as I clutch desperately at a completely blank slate of memory. I can feel my breath coming faster, the room is starting to spin again, and my head hurts so much! Tears leak from my eyes.

"Hold on…" Akisame says, gripping my shoulders lightly. "It's okay if it's too difficult to talk about right now. We don't mean to rush you, Miss….?"

"That's not the problem!" I cry out in my broken voice, "I can't remember anything! I can't remember my name!"

"Uh oh…" Apachai mumbles.

"Please… try and remain calm," Akisame says leaning down to look me in the eye. "You need to slow your breathing or you could lose consciousness again. We need to avoid that."

How can I do that!? What am I going to do if I can't even remember who I am? Who was I running from and why?! I bury my face in Akisame's shoulder and choke back a sob, gripping his shirt front tightly in my fists. I can tell that my movement surprises him, but he is gracious enough not to comment or pull me away.

"Well," the Elder mumbles, "this IS a problem. Is she well enough to be moved Akisame?"

"Yes," he responds talking to the Elder over his shoulder. "In fact, I think it would be wise to get her settled in a more permanent location for right now. I have other patients arriving, and I don't want her to feel uncomfortable. Would you be willing to make a place for her at Ryozanpaku?"

"Of course," the Elder drawls in a reassuring voice.

"No, I…" I look up and try to cut in, but my headache is making it difficult. Akisame steps back from me once again. "I can't impose on you that way. It would be wrong of me to take advantage when you don't even know my name. For all you know, I could be dangerous!"

All three men burst out in simultaneous laughter. It hurts my head, but they die down quickly.

"I assure you, young lady," the Elder says in a laughing tone, "There isn't a soul living at Ryozanpaku who isn't able to defend themselves… and you are in no shape to do any real damage. You see… Ryozanpaku is my home, and it is also where Akisame and Apachai here live – with a few others."

"Is it a dojo then?" I ask, trying to solve the puzzle these men present.

"Why yes," he affirms, "You are perceptive indeed."

"Apa…" Apachai says in a voice full of awe. "Pretty lady is really smart!"

"Well, the two of you are obviously martial artists," I explain, "Akisame seems to be deceptively strong, and wearing a judo outfit I assume he must be also. If you all live together and all others there are able to defend themselves, a dojo is the first logical option."

I need to stop talking. My voice hurts nearly as much as my head. I can hear Akisame chuckle from beside me.

"Well," the Elder replies, "I am going to return there with Apachai and ask my granddaughter Miu to prepare a place for you as soon as possible. Then I will have Apachai return to help retrieve you. Do you have any objections other than possibly being a dangerous person?"

"No…" I mumble, still uncomfortable with their generosity.

"Very good." With that the Elder and Apachai head out the door, leaving me alone with Akisame.

"So, what's the damage?" I ask, turning to face him. "So far I agree that I probably have a concussion. My head hurts like hell…" I reach up, trying to probe for tender spots on my skull. There are several to choose from.

"Should I bother trying to soften it?" he asks in return.

"No," I say sternly. "I want to know the truth, and I will be able to tell if you're lying to me. I may not know my name, but I know that much."

"Very well," he states with a heavy sigh. "I apologize if it makes you uncomfortable, but I did conduct a physical exam. There was blood coming from within your clothing and I was concerned you may have been sexually assaulted. If that had been the case, I would have sent you to the local hospital. I couldn't rule it out completely without speaking to you, but it seems unlikely."

My stomach turns slightly; not at the idea of the exam, but of what might have happened that I can't remember. There is no soreness between my legs, and I have to hope that is a good sign. However, my right breast is aching pretty badly… My hands start shaking.

"So you've handled the goods huh?" I try to joke, "Wha' do ya think?"

"Ummm…" he suddenly looks extremely uncomfortable, and rubs the back of his head nervously. "I assure you that…"

"Whoa," I decide to cut him off. "Apparently I'm pretty rude when I'm nervous. Note to self… I apologize, Akisame. I didn't mean to insult you."

"It's alright," he says, standing more confidently again. "You've been through a lot. I need you to be honest with me. Is there any portion of your attack or your history that you remember? Anything at all?"

I can feel a tear leak from my eye again. "No. I wish there was. I don't even have a name… and no I don't remember any of what happened to me," I try to convey the truth with my tone. "Akisame… I don't remember anything before hearing your voice. That's… bad… isn't it?"

He looks worried. "Well, it's not good, but your continued reasoning ability leads me to believe that you will probably be alright. You had a significant wound to your head, which I assume is from the pipe Apachai said they hit you with. I'll want you to stay awake through the night tonight, but after that we should know if your condition is stable. For your memory… all we can do is wait. It may come back in time, or it may not come back at all. These things are unpredictable."

"How long have I been unconscious?" I realize I haven't asked this. I have no frame of reference.

"According to Apachai, a little over 3 days," he explains as I feel shock resonate through me. "In that time I was able to do an assessment, and conduct some minor surgery on one of your wounds. If you had not woken soon, I would have sent you to the hospital for a deeper evaluation."

"Why didn't you?" I know my voice carries my shock and disapproval. "What kind of surgery?"

"Well…" he looks uncomfortable again. "Honestly, Apachai said you were insisting on _not_ being taken to the hospital right up until the moment you lost consciousness. You seem to have given him the impression that your life depended on it."

"Great…" I mumble. "Maybe I'm an assassin or fugitive."

Akisame laughs, and I realize I really like the sound of his laugh – and his voice. It's as warm as his smile. "Somehow I doubt that," he states with a raised eyebrow.

"What else is wrong with me?" I ask, afraid to know the total damage. Everything is sore.

"Well, you've got a lot of bruising across much of your body. You don't appear to have any severe internal bleeding, however, which is a real blessing," he explains. As he does he comes over to me and grasps the edges of the cloth robe I am wearing. "May I?"

I nod in agreement, surprised that I trust him when I know so little about him. I suppose I don't really have much choice. He pulls the robe apart to reveal my upper body. I have thick bandaging wrapped around my torso, and the dressing apparently will need changing soon. There is heavy bleeding on the side of my right breast. I feel my nervousness rising again as he looks down at me.

"This is where I had to do a little clean up," he points to the bloody bandage. "It looks like you were stabbed here, and the bastard decided to give it a twist for good measure. I've done what I can, but it will still leave a small scar. On your other side, two of your ribs are broken." He touches the last two ribs on the bottom slightly, and I suck in my breath to keep from screaming. "Your right wrist is fractured…"

How did I miss that I was wearing a cast…?! Wait! There's more than one!

"Your hands and knees are pretty scuffed, but should heal without scarring," he continues as if he's reading from a grocery list, "And as I mentioned before… it appears that you were strangled. It sounds like it's done some damage to your voice box, but I wouldn't expect that to last more than a week or so. Thankfully, they didn't use something that would cut you, so it should not scar either. Your lower body suffered mostly bruising, but they did break the tibia on your right leg – the bone in the front. It is not broken through, so I have it casted but it doesn't require surgery. Bone setting is my specialty, so you can trust me on that."

"Why were you worried I'd been raped?" I ask, dreading the answer.

"Ah yes," he says, taking my hand and placing it on the inside of my left knee. "Follow the inside of your thigh with your hand, but be gentle." I do as he says and encounter another bandage very high on the inside of my thigh. My eyes widen as I look up into his face.

"There was another stab wound on the inside of your thigh," he says in a professional tone, but for the first time he doesn't meet my eyes. It was bleeding pretty severely, but you were very lucky. If it had been slightly to the left, or slightly higher, it could have severed your femoral artery and Apachai could not have saved you. My colleague, Ma Kensei, is a specialist in acupuncture – which we were able to use to deal with your blood loss."

"Well…" I sigh, trying to stay positive. "That's something to be thankful for. And you said you didn't think I was raped?"

"Umm, no." Akisame rubs the back of his head again. "Is there any… soreness or discomfort that would indicate otherwise? There is still time to take you to a hospital and…"

"No." I reject the idea immediately. "Whoever I was before I lost my mind said I couldn't go there. I don't want to contradict her." I laugh at my use of the third person – like Apachai. "How long will it take all of this to heal?"

"Several weeks," Akisame explains. "I would like to monitor your condition closely until you are fully healed. If you are willing to stay at Ryozanpaku it will be much easier."

"Akisame…" I hedge, grabbing his hand gently with both of mine, "I'm sorry. You have been very kind, but I already cannot pay you for all of this. You have patients who need your care much more than I do. If you give me a crutch and some…"

"Don't be ridiculous!" he suddenly shouts, and for the first time he looks truly threatening. There is an intense chi rolling off of him – and I'm not even sure why I know that. His eyes practically glow with anger. "You have been brutalized by someone, perhaps even many people. You can't remember your past, or even your name. I am not going to simply let you walk out that door and fend for yourself! None of us will! You will stay at Ryozanpaku!"

By the end of his little outburst I am trembling. He notices this, and regains his composure. The sudden king of cool once again.

"I am sorry," he says in a deep calm tone, "but I will not allow you to willingly endanger your own life. You don't even know who you were running from. Once you are completely healed… I won't prevent you from leaving."

He smoothes out his mustache with his first two fingers. His calm brings my own calm back with it. He seemed un-phased by my injuries as he listed them off, but this has tipped his hand. His anger is not with me. It is obvious he is angry that this was done to me.

"My bandages need to be changed," I change the subject as I can feel dampness from it now against my arm.

"If you would like, I can ask one of the women from Ryoz…" he offers, but I cut him off.

"You put them there the first time didn't you?" I challenge.

"Yes."

"Then you can do it again," I try to make my tone firm instead of nervous. "It's no big surprise by this point I'm sure. I don't want to wait."

"Very well," he agrees reaching for the end of the bandage.

His hands are steady and strong as he removes my bandages. I close my eyes to try and keep my nervousness from showing. His movements never falter. I peek my eyes open and his face is focused and professional. I want to laugh at the brief sense of disappointment that washes through me at his obvious disinterest. I barely know this man. I should be thankful for his professional attitude. I guess it's just a woman's natural want to be desirable to a man as handsome as this one. He asks me for assistance only in handling sections of the bandage as he reapplies them. He's almost finished when I hear a small sound in the corner of the room. I jump in surprise and snatch up the corners of my robe to cover myself.

"Well, well," a nasal voice says from a small Chinese man standing in the corner. He is short with a long gray mustache – much thicker than Akisame's. He is wearing a green Kimono and a large hat, and seems to be carrying a tray of needles. This must be Ma Kensei. "I see you've changed her bandages Akisame. I could have handled the task myself you know." Akisame's hands pause momentarily, but he doesn't turn to face the man.

"Actually, I told him I was tired of waiting," I contradict him with my broken voice – not wanting the man to think Akisame's motives were perverted after his obvious disinterest. "I take it you must be Ma Kensei, the acupuncturist."

"Yes," he replies, "I see she is very sharp."

"Yes, but she seems to be suffering from complete amnesia," Akisame replies smoothly, "Temporarily I hope. Besides Kensei… I thought I would spare you the extra time – so you can conduct your treatments without unnecessary effort."

"How… considerate of you, Akisame," Kensei replies in an aggravated tone. He looks at me with a perverted smile and I am suddenly even happier I had Akisame change my bandages already. "I'll have to repay the favor sometime. Now… I hope you don't mind needles young lady, because we have quite a bit of work to do."


	2. Ryozanpaku

As I sit in the bed which has been made for me, I glance around the lightly furnished room. The main house here at Ryozanpaku is where everyone apparently sleeps. It is an older building, done in the traditional Japanese style. The house is pleasant, from what I was able to see in the short trip from the front door to my room. Apachai carried me up the stairs in one arm, like an infant.

In addition to the four men I have already met, there are four additional residents at the dojo. Furinji Miu, the Elder's granddaughter who he mentioned before is a student here. She is a thin but well-endowed blond with huge blue eyes. There is one additional student – apparently a disciple of 6 different masters – and his name is Shirahama Kenichi. He is Miu's height with wavy brown hair and brown eyes. They are both high school students. Four of the martial arts masters here are the men I've met already. The Elder is a master of mixed martial arts in general and his own personal Furinji style. Kensei is a master of Chinese martial arts. Apachai is apparently a master in Maui Tai Boxing, and Akisame – no surprise – is a Judo master.

There are two additional masters who I have now met briefly. Sakaki Shio is a master of Karate. He is a beast of a man with long black hair tied back in a ponytail and a scar across his face. He seems to like wearing an over-shirt with nothing beneath it, showing off his rippling muscles. He also strikes me as a heavy drinker. The last master is a woman. Her name is Kosaka Shigure and she specializes in weaponry. She has long dark black hair and clear skin. She and Miu both are built like super models, but she seems much less reserved in her manner of dress than Miu.

There is a brief knock on the door and I call to the person to come in. Akisame comes through carrying a small green and black board in his hands which is divided into rows of squares. I recognize it immediately as the game of Othello.

"Have you gotten settled?" He asks in a friendly tone.

"Yes, thank you. If you don't mind me asking… do you always work so late?" I had expected him to return hours ago.

"No," he says, sitting down on the edge of my bed. "Some of Kenichi's friends from school got into a fight and I had to fix them up. Nothing too terrible, but it needed to be done. I didn't realize you would notice."

I've realized in the hours since I arrived here, that I notice nearly everything that has to do with him. I notice when the other masters mention his name around me. I notice when he's not there, and find myself analyzing where he is or what his life must be like with everyone here. I'm woman enough to admit that I seem to have a crush on the man with the startling grey eyes – the first eyes I can remember seeing in all my life. Perhaps some of my fixation comes from that fact, but he is handsome enough that I suspect I would have this difficulty anyway.

"You're one of the only people I know here," I say, trying to defend my nosy question. "Besides, I thought you were going to keep me awake." I smile playfully at him.

"Well…" he chokes a little, "I didn't mean that _I specifically _had to…"

"What's that?" I interrupt him.

I can't help but wonder why I am pushing his buttons. Am I always like this? He's obviously attractive – sexy even. His presence is also comforting. And… much to my disappointment, it's terribly obvious that he isn't the least bit interested in me. When he changed my bandages, his hands were gentle and strong, but completely professional and impersonal. That is to be expected from a doctor, but his face and voice were the same way. I want to snort at myself for feeling this way, however, as even if he were interested I am completely physically useless at the moment. Besides… I must look awful covered in cuts and bruises the way I am. Perhaps he will come around in time.

"This is a game called Othello," he explains. "Are you familiar with it?"

"Oh yes," I say with real excitement. "I love this game! I couldn't tell you why if my life depended on it, but I recognized it right away."

"Well, that's something at least," he says in an attempt to be comforting. "Why don't we play a game?"

"Yes, please."

An hour later Akisame is staring at the board with obvious frustration. I've managed to back him into a corner – so to speak. I control three of the four sides of the game board, and he knows it's over. I'm not only going to win, I'm going to beat him badly. He looks up into my eyes in disbelief.

"Oh come on," I chide him for his attitude. "Don't tell me you're a sore loser…"

"I wouldn't know actually…" he counters. "I've never lost before."

"Well, there's a first time for everything," I swat the end of his nose with my finger and he stares at my hand in surprise before glowering at the board again.

"Akisame's going to… lose?" I hear Shigure's deep monotone voice come from above me, and realize she is lying in the rafters above us.

"Good heavens!" Kensei's nasal voice comes from the closed door and it flies open. He snaps a picture of the game board in a mid-air movement as Akisame swats him away.

"Well, well," Sakaki's sake-drenched voice slurs from the doorway also, "and we thought Akisame couldn't lose at anything but gambling… I'll be damned."

"You all should leave us in peace," Akisame says in a critical tone. "There's nothing to see here."

"Oh I disagree, Akisame." Kensei says, snapping a few photos of me. "You're in bed with a beautiful young woman, and she has you beaten! This moment must be preserved… Ouch!" Shigure's sword hilt comes down to smash his camera into his face. I can't help but giggle at their banter. They behave more like family than co-workers.

"Akisame," I interject. "What do I get for winning?"

"Oh, you want a prize do you?" he laughs, a rich hearty sound that makes my stomach flutter.

"Of course," I agree with wicked intentions. "Apparently this is no minor feat."

"I agree," I hear the Elder's voice cut in from the background. "She has done something most of us thought impossible, and in a weakened state no less."

"Very well," Akisame agrees with a smile in his eyes. "What would you like for a prize?"

Well… why not? "You have to do the first thing I tell you to do without question, got it?" I ask, and I feel slightly devilish at my boldness but I don't feel like holding back. Why bother? Who knows who I am anyway, right? I work to make my expression look innocent.

"Come on Akisame!" Sakaki shouts with a raucous laugh. "You look like she's gonna ask you to set your hair on fire, ya big baby!"

Akisame's face _is _guarded as he stares me down, but he seems to give up when I am unmoved by his intensity. "Okay then," he agrees, "What is my punishment?"

"Kiss me," I dare him, and give him a devilish and seductive smile.

The entire room goes dead silent, and a look of complete shock crosses Akisame's face.

"You must be joking," he finally chokes out.

Ouch. That hurt… and it makes me angry. I glare at him now. "No, I'm not. And God… you failed that fast. I said no questions!" I cross my arms over my chest defensively.

"Kiss… her Akisame. Or you'll… break… your word," Shigure cuts in from above.

"Yes, come now, Akisame," Kensei joins in with a perverted chuckle. "Or are you a poor loser?"

Akisame's face is still in mild shock, but it's quickly being overcome by aggravation. He leans in and gently touches his lips to my forehead. His lips are warm and soft against my skin, but this is not what I wanted. He pulls back after only a fraction of a second and stares at me haughtily.

"Wow…" I bite in a sarcastic tone. "You _are _a sore loser."

"I am not," he contradicts me in a cool and composed tone, which only aggravates me more. "But you…"

"Oops!" Sakaki shouts, slamming his hand into Akisame's back. Akisame wasn't expecting the blow, and the force of it knocks him forward bringing him only a breath away from my face.

It's now or never… I grab the front of his shirt in my fist and haul him in the remaining few centimeters necessary before planting my mouth on his. His mouth is warm and soft beneath mine. His surprise causes him to freeze, and I take advantage again whispering thanks to Sakaki in my head. I kiss him roughly, sweeping my tongue into his mouth and he responds instinctively matching my movements for a few precious moments. I feel my blood heat. Even in a shocked state, a kiss from him is worth any trouble or embarrassment that may come my way later. Suddenly, his brain seems to engage again, and he pulls himself away from me quickly with wide eyes.

"That," I spit at him in a mocking tone, "was the kind of kiss a winner is _supposed_ to get."

The entire room of people erupts with laughter, and I smile at him – victory written all over my face. He may not be attracted to me… but at least I got a kiss out of him.


	3. Moving On

I stare at the pile of dirty bandages and the remnants of my casts, thankful that this was the last batch I was forced to wear and no more will be added. My injures have been healing well. My bruises are mostly gone, there is no longer a thick black ring around my neck, my stab wounds are healed shut, and the bones in my leg and wrist will just take time for the pain to fully fade. The casts have made bathing very difficult, but Miu and Shigure have been extremely helpful. It also helps that they have a fantastic hot spring here as a private bath.

Shigure is the one removing them for me now – as Akisame has mostly distanced himself since the first day I arrived here. I expected him to give me a little trouble, but not pull away completely. It has been weeks, and he is only in my presence long enough to determine the progress of my healing. No one talks about it, but when I move into a room he moves out quickly. His absence saddens me.

I decided on a name for myself after a couple of days here – Sachi. It means blessed or lucky – which I seem to be after being rescued. I do not need a last name.

"Why are… you so sad?" Shigure asks me in her typical broken patterns.

"I'm alright," I try to disagree, pulling a shirt back on over my head.

"Don't lie… to me. You… are sad. Why? Is it Akisame's… fault?" she asks.

"Yes," I mumble, then hurry to correct myself. "No! I mean… I don't know…Anyway, don't worry about me. I'll be alright."

"Akisame is acting… strange too. He doesn't normally… avoid… people like… you," she adds; seemingly unwilling to just let the discussion drop.

She just stands there and stares at me with a question in her eyes, holding the sword she used to remove my casts in her hand. Her thoughts make me even sadder. I had suspected he was intentionally avoiding me, but a tiny portion of my brain was hoping that I was overreacting. He is always courteous, but cold. He must really be disgusted by me…

"I'm sorry then," I mumble in a voice barely above a whisper. "I didn't realize his dislike of me was so strong. I would have left him alone. I didn't mean any harm."

"You think he… dislikes you?" she asks, leaping up into the rafters.

"Well, yes," I say in a confused voice. "People avoid you when they dislike your presence around them. Why else would he avoid me like this? He must hate me for what I did…"

"Hmmm…" she mumbles from above me, and then walks away across the beams.

"Shigure?" I ask, calling her attention back to me. She pauses to listen, but does not reply. "You have been kind to me. Thank you."

"Are you… going somewhere?" she asks in response, picking up on my intention to thank her before leaving Ryozanpaku. I choose not to answer her. Shigure will not make me stay.

"Hey Akisame!" Sakaki shouts to me, "How's it hangin'?"

"That depends," I reply. "This massage chair could benefit from a little more power. Faster Kenichi!" I crack the whip in my hand so that it flies behind me and taps my disciple – Shirahama Kenichi – on the back.

"Ahhhh!" he screams in panic and frustration. "You're gonna kill me Akisame! Why do I have to do this with lead weights strapped to my arms?!"

I currently have him in strength training, hooked into a human-powered massage chair I invented for the Elder to use. I have decided to benefit from it today, as I seem unable to keep my stress level down. I can't stop thinking about Sachi, and the nature of my thoughts is highly inappropriate given my age. Her beauty becomes more intoxicating by the day.

"Ha ha ha!" Sakaki laughs, approaching us, "That kid looks like he's gonna run from you again Akisame. You'd better watch out."

"He'll be fine," I counter. "I'll have Miu come and see him soon enough."

"Speaking of women…" Sakaki changes the conversation incredibly awkwardly, rubbing the back of his head and staring up at the ceiling.

Damnit. This is a conversation I don't want to have.

That night… when we played Othello, I was already beginning to lose an internal battle within myself. When Apachai brought her to me, her beauty was obvious despite the horrible condition her body had been in. The damage done to her – and the nature of it – had made me burn with a rage I had not felt in a long time. Whoever assaulted her had possessed no intention of killing her – although they came close to succeeding. Some of her wounds were older than this initial attack. They had tortured her, and she had suffered greatly.

When she awoke with no memory and no explanation, it began to drive me crazy with the need to have the answers. I felt an overwhelming need to protect her as well. Even now, something in me is desperate to keep her safe and prevent anything like that from being done to her again. I also found myself overwhelmed by physical need, which was ridiculous and inappropriate. I am her doctor! And she trusted me to heal her and treat her professionally, but all I could think about was the softness of her skin and the curves of her body.

As we played Othello, her beauty was distracting. I could remember vividly the strength and length of her legs, the fullness of her breasts and lips, and the definition of her core muscles in her abdomen. She has the body of a martial artist, but has given no indication so far of training or typical habits. Her skin is paler than mine despite the bruises, and her hair is a deep auburn color. Her eyes are a brilliant shade of green, and clearly communicate the sharpness of her mind.

I found myself losing and not even understanding how it had happened. Then all of Ryozanpaku took it upon themselves to feed her foolish notions. She has made it clear that she is interested in me over the last several weeks; taking a moment to touch my hand or my face when I visit her for check-ups. Her smile is seductive and devastating when she really tries, and I have to turn off my response to her completely to avoid making a fool of myself. I can only assume it is some form of attachment because I was the first person she met after having all her memory taken away. I am much, _much_ too old for her at nearly 40. She is no child, but doesn't appear to be much older than Shigure. I would be taking advantage of her to even consider responding to her offer.

"Leave it alone, Sakaki." I stand up out of the massage chair and turn to my weary disciple. "I believe it's Kensei's turn to train you now, Kenichi. Miu! Come and bring Kenichi some cool water before he faints!"

"Of course, Akisame," Miu says sweetly, coming from the far end of the house and heading into the kitchen. I swiftly leave the dojo, heading for my room in the house.

"Damnit, Akisame! Hold on!" Sakaki shouts from behind me. I pause – if I don't he's just going to make a scene, so I turn to face him. He gets that look he always gets when he's worried about Kenichi and isn't willing to admit it. "Look, I know this is none of my business, but what the hell's going on between you and Sachi? I thought you liked her…"

"Of course I like her," I reply to his ridiculous rant, "She's a brilliant and kind young woman. She's been a great addition to Ryozanpaku. I think everyone here likes her."

"Right…" Sakaki sneers in a sarcastic tone. "I'm not as dumb as I look Akisame. You look at her like you want her… but you've been avoiding that woman like the plague ever since the night you brought her here. Is this because of me, damnit?! I was just kiddin' around!"

"It's not a joke, Sakaki," I scold him, letting some of my anger show through. "Sachi has been through a terrible ordeal. She's lucky to be alive."

"What the hell does that have to do with you treating her like a damn leper?" he retorts.

This brings me up short. "I… I don't want to be around her. Why can't you just drop this?"

"I just don't get it man," he continues to push. "I mean, God, that woman is gorgeous and I just don't understand why you wouldn't want what she's offerin' ya. I know I would."

"Do you think I'm stupid?!" I yell, letting my chi slip free. "What do you expect me to do Sakaki; acknowledge her advances? Have sex with her? She's too young for me! I'm old enough to be her father! She's probably younger than you!"

Sakaki throws his head back and laughs. "I think you're exaggerating Akisame. She's a woman, not a child. Even if she is younger than me… who the hell cares?"

"Well how about the fact that she doesn't even know who she is?" I turn my argument, to something less personal. "She could be married Sakaki. She could have children. Then what? She would hate me – and she should – for taking advantage of her in her current state."

"But that…" Sakaki rubs the back of his head again, trying to regain the upper hand in our argument. "Now hold on. You think she's too young to sleep with, but you think she has kids? That seems kinda stupid."

"Too young for…" I cut myself off after hearing footsteps coming towards me from behind. I turn to see Shigure walking towards us.

"Do you… hate Sachi?" she asks me with no small talk or introduction whatsoever.

"Why on Earth would you think that?!" I bellow at her, losing my grip on my temper. "Why does everyone seem to have the need to interfere in my relationships?"

"I don't… think that," she replies unaffected by my outburst. "She does."

I feel shock spread through my limbs. I close my eyes and breathe deeply, trying to calm myself once again. "Did she tell you that?"

"Yes."

"See, damnit!" Sakaki adds his voice to the fray once again. "I was trying to tell you man! She's too smart not to see that you've been avoiding her."

"I'll go talk to her," I decide, heading inside. No matter what personal reservations I have, it is wrong of me to make her feel unwelcome or unwanted.

"You should… hurry," Shigure, emphasizes. "She may already be… gone."

"What?!" I run inside in a flash, and I find her room empty. I leap out the window and up onto the roof, and I don't see any signs of her on the grounds. I leap back down to Shigure. "Did she tell you where she was going?"

"No." Shigure says.

"Why didn't you stop her?!" I shout, feeling my eyes burn with anger at them both.

"Why?" Shigure asks. "She… is not a prisoner."

"We have no idea who injured her or why!" I shout at them. "She could get herself killed!"

"Damnit Akisame, this is all your fault you old fool!" Sakaki shouts back at me. "Now we have to go find her and bring her back."

"Yes," I agree, feeling urgency flow through me and into my tone, "Apachai! Kensei! We're going to hunt her down!"


	4. Reward

As I walk through the streets of this little town, I can feel the sun soaking into my skin. I love the sensation after so much time inside. My heart hurts at leaving Ryozanpaku – leaving the only people I now know in this world. I need to remember, however, why it is important for me to leave. Whoever hurt me could still be looking for me. I don't know why they wanted me to suffer, but this worries me more than if they had actually intended to kill me. Akisame never said as much to me – but I could see it in his eyes and in the angry set of his mouth. I'm not truly worried about being found by them. I don't want to suffer again, but it is worse to think that I could bring them down upon these kind people who have sheltered me. I'd rather face the danger head on; on my own.

I am lost in thought as a hand comes down on my shoulder. I react instinctively. My body twists out to the side, pivoting to spin around them and into their blind spot. I grab them by the throat, knocking their feet out from under them and slamming their head into the pavement. I raise my hand in the air out flat, to come down like a blade. Only then do I realize I have Akisame's disciple by the throat. His eyes are drifting closed after the blow to the head I've given him.

"Ugh… Ouch!" he shouts as a complaint, seeming to come around again quickly.

"Oh my God, I'm so sorry!" I yell in surprise. "What the hell were you doing Kenichi?! You scared me to death!"

"Well," he says sheepishly while sitting up and rubbing his head, "Everyone is looking for you Sachi. Akisame freaked out when you left the dojo, and they're all out looking. I saw you and I wanted to talk to you first. If you're running from Akisame I totally understand. Believe me. That man is crazy! But I had to ask why you were leaving. It could still be dangerous for you out here. Where do you plan to go?"

"I'm not sure," I answer honestly, "I'm just gonna figure it out as I go. Don't worry about me Kenichi. I'll be fine."

"Hey…" he says, suddenly curious. "How did you do that? I swear you just used the stepping method back-to-back with a judo move… Have you had martial arts training?"

"I…" I try to think back, but everything is still as blank as ever – but he's right. Those movements were instinctive, not thought out. That can only come from serious repetition and training. "I can't remember. But I must have. I didn't even think about throwing you, it was instinct."

"Great," he says sarcastically. "Then you're rigged like Miu."

I chuckle at the comparison. Miu is a trained martial artist I would never compare myself to. I really like this kid, and I'm going to miss him. I lean forward and kiss his forehead softly in a kind gesture.

"Take care of yourself Kenichi, and take care of Miu for me." I turn from him and begin my walk back down the street. I will have to duck into the next alley I find to avoid the other eyes of Ryozanpaku.

"I will," he says with a fierce determination, but after a few moments he realizes what I've done and starts to run after me. "Hey!" he shouts. "You didn't answer my question! Where are you going?!"

In a flash I sprint back to him and slam my hand down over his mouth. He continues shouting under my hand, making a loud mumbling noise, and after a few seconds simply glares at me in irritation.

"Yes, I did!" I spit in a soft hiss. "I told you I don't _have _a plan. I'm just leaving. If I take my hand away, you have to promise not to shout." He nods – still glaring – and I remove my hand slowly.

"Why?" he demands in a firm tone. "Tell me why you're running away."

"I was only staying at Ryozanpaku long enough to heal. I have done that." I explain. "It's time for me to move on. My memory doesn't appear to be returning, so I may as well start fresh."

"I understand wanting a fresh start," he says sympathetically. "But why can't you do that here at Ryozanpaku? We all care about you Sachi. We want you to stay."

"I don't think everyone feels the same way," I disagree. "Besides, I am a danger to all of you. We still have no idea who I am, who was after me, or why. It was very kind of the Elder to take me in, but I have overstayed my welcome."

"That's not…!" he starts to object, but another familiar voice interrupts him.

"That's enough, Kenichi," Akisame's deep smooth voice cuts in. "Thank you for helping us find Sachi. I think it's best if you return to the dojo now."

Kenichi looks at me with a question in his eyes as if to say… _Should I leave you with the mad man?_ I nod in agreement. It's too late now to avoid him. I was hoping to get out of this embarrassing conversation, but now I'll just have to suck it up and deal with it.

"Alright…" Kenichi mumbles, turning to head back to the dojo.

"The rest of you should leave also," Akisame says in a perfectly calm voice. "I need to talk to Sachi alone."

Suddenly, all four of the other masters – minus the Elder – pop seemingly out of the walls and woodwork around us. They shuffle, showing their displeasure. Sakaki turns back to look me in the eye.

"If you take off again without at least saying goodbye," he threatens in a sad voice, "I'll hunt you down myself little woman." He turns back around before I can respond, and leaves with the rest of them. After a few moments of awkward silence, Akisame steps closer to me.

"How do you feel about tea?" he asks. It would seem random, but I know his motivation. There is a tea shop within sight of here and he wants to be in a public place with me for this conversation.

"Are you that afraid of being forced into touching me again?" I challenge him, cutting through the crap. "I swear Akisame, if I had any idea it would be so unpleasant for you, I would have spared you the experience."

He looks genuinely surprised, then his face turns sad. "Is that what you really think?" he asks solemnly.

"What else am I supposed to think?" I spit back. "I'm intelligent, but I'm not a mind-reader. You've made it more than clear that you do not take any interest in me. My little challenge was an attempt to see if I could gain your interest, but you reacted like you'd been assaulted. You've avoided me so strictly since then that _everyone _at Ryozanpaku can tell. You're not even pretending to treat me normally. Message received," I chuckle bitterly, "Loud and clear. You don't want me. I apologize that I kissed you. I won't make that mistake again. Now please… just let me go."

"Sachi, what you're experiencing is common for people who have been through a traumatic event," he says as if he's teaching a class. "Sometimes the victim of an accident or a crime like this will think they've developed feelings for the person who…"

"Don't stand there and try to psycho-analyze me damnit!" I screech at him. "You're just trying to make me feel better because you don't find me attractive. You don't have to make up excuses. I don't need any of your bullshit!"

"I never said I…" he says with irritation beginning to break through his calm.

"For the record…" I continue, "Apachai rescued me and you don't see me seeking his affection. Kensei also treated me and… no offense, but ewww. I'm sorry if my interest is inconvenient for you, but you're not going to change it. You're a very sexy guy. That's not my fault. Besides… you don't have to deal with it any more. I'm leaving."

"You're not going anywhere!" he suddenly shouts with anger glowing from his intense gray eyes. His chi rolls off of him like a tidal wave, but I refuse to let it move me.

After a moment, the anger fades from him but the intensity remains. He slowly, cautiously, takes a step towards me – never taking his eyes away from mine. My heart is suddenly in my throat. What… what is he doing? I'm not going to let him stop me. Instinctively my hands come up in fists in front of my face, one slightly in front of the other. My knees brace together and my feet are apart with my toes pointed inward, giving me solid footing. I know I'm in a stance, but I couldn't tell you what it is or why I know it. This memory loss is so frustrating!

"Stay back, Akisame," I warn him. "I don't want to hurt you, but you cannot change my mind in this. I am leaving Ryozanpaku." He continues to stare at me intensely, scrutinizing my new posture.

"I'm sorry I never rewarded you properly," he says with a deep intense tone, letting his shoulders relax. Heat suddenly enters his eyes and the change startles me.

"What?" I mumble, letting my fists drop slightly.

"You won our game of Othello," he continues, taking another couple of steps towards me. "You were right. I _am_ a sore loser. I should have rewarded you properly… I'm sorry now that I didn't."

"Don't bother," I spit at him, lifting my fists once again. "I wouldn't have you do something you obviously don't want to do. It's a pointless gesture."

"I never said," he says lifting his face and stepping closer. My hands are inches in front of his face now, only slightly in front of my own. The heat in his hooded gaze has not dimmed. "that I didn't want to kiss you."

"Could have fooled me." I drop my fists and face him with a level eye.

"That was the intention," he says with a voice as smooth as silk, "It seems to have backfired in a way I did not anticipate."

He lifts a hand, palm up – a sign of surrender. My eyes follow it all the way to my face. He cups the side of my cheek gently and I am surprised yet again by how soft his hands are. I let my eyes drift close without thinking. My heart is racing. When I open them again he is only a breath away from my face, and he closes the distance completely. His lips are even softer than his hands, but his mustache is rough against my lips. If he's lying to me now… then he's the best liar I've ever met. His kiss turns fierce and demanding. His other hand wraps around my waist and pulls me against him. His body is hard and lean like his arms were when they caught me before. He kisses me with a force that leaves me dizzy and my arms instinctively wrap around his neck as my fingers tangle in his smooth black hair.

"I'm sorry, Sachi," he mumbles against my lips and plunges his tongue possessively into my mouth.

I respond with eagerness, pulling myself higher against him. His hand is firm against the back of my neck… too firm. I feel dizzy. What… No! Akisame you bastard! My world goes black.

As I walk back into Ryozanpaku, I meet the eyes of all the other masters and my disciple. Their mouths are open in shock, no doubt at the beautiful unconscious woman in my arms.

"Oh my God, Akisame! What did you do to her?!" Kenichi shouts.

"Calm down Kenichi," I scold him. "She's not well enough to try and make a trip like that. I've brought her back here to rest."

"Is she alright?" Miu squeaks.

"Akisame," the Elder's voice cuts through in a warning tone, "This is highly unusual old friend. I sincerely hope she was not brought back against her will."

"Of course not Elder," I say, smoothing my mustache out of habit. "I decided to finally give her the reward she requested from our game. It simply proved to be a little too much for her. Now… I need to get her settled so she can rest properly. Please excuse me."


	5. A Woman Scorned

I set her gently down upon the bed, and make sure the pillow is tucked securely beneath her head. She looks so peaceful when she sleeps. Her pretty auburn hair flows softly around her face. Her lips are parted only slightly, and I can feel my desire stir. Kissing her was an even more powerful sensation than I expected it to be. I regret that I cannot see her beautiful green eyes. Now… I have to figure out my next move. If she was upset before, she is going to be livid now.

"My, my, Akisame…" Kensei's nasal voice approaches from behind me. "I always knew you were willing to play dirty, but this is an entirely new level for you. Did you really take advantage of her feelings that way?" His curious perverted tone grates on my nerves.

"I had very little choice," I reply defensively, "She would risk her life by leaving Ryozanpaku. She was unwilling to sit down and talk, like a reasonable person. I did what had to be done."

"Perhaps she was unwilling because she didn't trust you," Kensei challenges me. "It appears she would have been right in her judgment."

I have no defense, but I do not regret what I've done. I would do it again if I had to. I take a seat beside her bed to watch her sleep. She will not be out for long, and I don't want to let her out of my sight again.

"She is quite beautiful," Kensei says softly, watching her also.

"Yes," I agree, letting out a heavy sigh of frustration. "Sometimes I think… I haven't seen a more beautiful woman in all of my life."

"That's a serious claim." Kensei looks at me with a devilish glint in his eyes and a broad smile on his face. "If I didn't know better, Akisame, I would think you were falling in love with this mystery woman."

"That would be… unfortunate," I hedge.

"Tell me," he says in a curious tone, turning towards me fully. "What is it you're afraid of? Why do you keep yourself so far from her when you obviously care a great deal for her?"

"I'm too old for her Kensei," I admit. "And she doesn't even remember her past. What if she has a husband out there somewhere? What if she has children? Just look at her. How could she not? I'd be taking advantage of her."

"That may be true," Kensei admits with a heavy sigh, "but it could just as easily be wrong. The only thing we know for certain is that if you keep distancing yourself from her she is going to leave here. It is not fair to force her to stay if she is suffering. Attraction can be a very powerful and difficult thing."

The idea of her hurting because of me makes my chest ache. I never wanted that. I was hoping her infatuation would fade, and that I could simply fade into the background with it.

"I need to ask a favor of you, Kensei."

"What is it?" he asks, confused.

"When Kenichi confronted her it became obvious very quickly that my first conclusions about her physical conditioning were accurate. She has definitely had martial arts training," I explain. "That became even more apparent when she faced me down. She immediately went into a fighting stance. If she has received that kind of training, and was still injured so badly when we found her… it leads me to believe that the people who attacked her are very dangerous indeed. I would like to try and identify her martial arts style when she awakes. She is going to be very angry with me – and may even attack me outright."

"I see," Kensei says in a hesitant tone, "I will keep my eyes open then, and we will see what she does."

Wha… where am I? My body feels heavy… like I've been sleeping. But it's not bedtime is it? The last thing I remember is… passion. I remember feeling Akisame's mouth moving with mine. I remember hearing his breathing in my ears. I remember the softness of his hair in my fists, and the firmness of his body against me. Then… he did something. He… that bastard! That bastard knocked me out! It was all a lie! His lips, his body, everything! He only kissed me to get close to me! He never wanted me at all! My chest tightens and I feel sick at the thought, but my limbs burn with sudden rage.

My eyes snap open and the devil himself is looking down at me with cool composure. I don't even bother to speak. I sit up in a flash – my anger and embarrassment burning through me like a wildfire – I spin so my lower body faces him and kick out into his chest as hard as I can. He flies backwards from the blow hard enough that I've knocked him clean through the wall and into the hallway. I hear Miu scream in surprise as something that sounds like dishes clatter to the floor. Out of the corner of my eye I can see Kensei is here too. He looks surprised, but crouches down – staying out of my way. I turn back to see Akisame stand and brush himself off before looking up.

"Sachi," he starts in a stern tone, "I know you're upset, but I think we should…"

"I don't give a fuck what you think, you bastard!" I scream at him, and I can feel my own chi flow from my body with the force of a storm.

He gets a calculating look in his eye for one second, evaluating his surroundings. Then he leaps out of my path, heading outside. I'll let him get that far. I don't want to do any more damage to the Elder's house after the kindness he has shown me. When he reaches the training yard, he turns to face me again. I don't slow down. I drop into the stance I used before and throw myself at him. Beneath my rage is a pain so deep it hurts to breathe. He used my feelings against me! He has betrayed me! I kick out forward towards his upper thigh, but he dodges the movement. I send a series of punches towards his face, with one fist rolling forward over the other and then rolling back beneath in a chain-like series. Akisame dodges them fluidly and reaches to grab the front of my shirt, but I twist sideways and roll out of his reach.

The other masters are gathering around us now. They don't look like they have any intention to interfere, however. Sakaki has Kenichi by the back of the shirt as Kenichi appears to be trying to run to us.

"Stay out of this little man," he advises the boy. "Sachi and Akisame need to work this out on their own. I don't really know what he did, but if she's this mad… he probably deserves it."

"But Sakaki!" Kenichi shouts in concern, "Akisame could hurt her! He shouldn't hit a woman!"

"Come on kid," Sakaki laughs back at him, "Give the man at least some credit. Just watch and learn. This is a lesson on the fury of a woman."

I try and focus my attention on the idiot in front of me, instead of the gathering crowd. I throw myself at him again, feigning the same chain of punches. He falls for my bluff, and when he moves only enough to dodge, he tries to get a hold on me again. I expect this, and sweep my hand up behind his head like a hook. I use it to grab the back of his neck and pull him into my other elbow severely catching him just above his left eye. It impacts with enough force to split the skin and blood oozes down into his eye. He looks genuinely shocked that I was able to get a hit in on him at all – and I have to admit I am also; knowing the level of his own skill from spending my days here at the dojo.

I decide to try a double faint this time. I cut with my right elbow, and he flows around me. I then bring up my left fist into his movement while lifting my right leg, and he corrects mid-spin back to his original orientation. This gives me exactly what I need to bring my right foot back down. I kick it out into the high point on his shin, just below the knee and drag my shoe painfully down the bone. He pulls his leg back with a grunt before I am able to get all the way to his foot.

Now I've made him angry. I can see it in his eyes. He moves fast. I try to counter him, but I'm not fast enough. He crouches down and catches an arm beneath my knee sending me flying onto my back. Instinctually, I keep my knees pressed tightly together and my feet lifted. I have one leg cocked back ready to kick out while I keep the other extended. I'm now on my back like a turtle with my fists still paired up by my face. Akisame comes over me and tries to grab my arms, but I lash out at him with my feet. He dodges, and throws his body on top of me with my legs to one side of him. Damnit! Now my middle is exposed for a blow! I lash out again with my chain of punches towards his face with blinding speed. He blocks them one after the other.

"Sachi STOP!" he shouts at me with an angry tone I've never heard him use before.

His own chi is rolling off of him with a frightening intensity. He's having difficulty now, however, from the blood interfering with his left eye. He's only got ahold of one of my arms. I take advantage, spinning just enough to slam my elbow into the wound again. I want him to hurt. I want him to suffer for humiliating me this way. I don't expect to win this fight, but I'm going to make him pay if I can. He pulls back only slightly from the blow, but it's enough for me to rip myself out from under him. I roll away quickly, getting back onto my feet to face him again. He spins also, facing me in a crouch.

"Come on," I scream at him, "I know you can do better than this! Stop babying me!"

"I don't want to hurt you!" he shouts back, his eyes bright with anger.

"It's too late for that asshole!" I scream.

I remember him kissing me again. I remember loving how it felt so much. It was all a lie! Much to my embarrassment, a tear slips free from the corner of my eye, and I can feel my lips tremble. He catches sight of it just before I wipe it away briskly, and his eyes open wide – the anger in them fading. He looks pained for a moment, but I don't want to see pity in his eyes. I don't want him feeling sorry for me.

"Face me you bastard!" I scream, lunging at him and planning to bring an elbow down into his sternum.

Instead of getting to his feet, blocking me, or rolling like I expect – his hands drop limp to his sides. His eyes are closing and his face is turning towards the ground. He is just going to take the blow. But I'm already moving! I try desperately to stop my movement, brining my arm back up over my head as I land directly in front of him. I am left standing inches from him – fully exposed for a blow. He doesn't move, and I hover there – not even knowing how to deal with my anger. I bring my arms back down to my sides, clenching my fists.

"Ugh!" I scream at the sky. I can't hit him like this – it feels wrong. It would be taking advantage of his emotions the same way he took advantage of mine. I drop onto my backside in the dirt and wrap my arms around my knees. I can't help it. I begin to sob softly.

After a few minutes I can feel him kneeling beside me. I won't look at him. I can't. Not like this.

"I know what you must believe," he speaks into my ear in a low but rough voice. "I didn't kiss you just to trick you, Sachi. I was afraid. You would have left without hearing me." I feel his soft hand beneath my chin and he lifts my face to look into my eyes. "You may hate me for my actions, but I would never have forgiven myself if I had allowed you to run, and something had happened to you. I'm not sure I can let you go even now. That kiss… wasn't the lie. That desire was real."

I desperately want to believe him, but it hurts too much. Suddenly, he kisses me again. This is no gentle invitation; it's rough and filled with lust and fire. He pulls me against him with one arm, up into his lap, and captures the back of my head with the other. I can't help but kiss him back, my hands entwining in his silky hair again. I nip softly at his upper lip in retribution, and a small groan escapes his throat. My body burns at his touch, and I want more – but my heart is at war. I pull back and bury my face in his shoulder, breathing deeply to try and regain my composure. I am shaking as I breathe in the scent of his clothes; heavy with incense. I realize that the Ryozanpaku audience is shouting and cheering from all around us.

"All right Akisame!" Sakaki shouts. "Sachi you kick his ass like that anytime!"

"Good job young lady," the Elder shouts, "That was very impressive!"

"Sachi," I hear Akisame's voice again – hesitant. "I truly want to talk with you."

"How can I trust you?" I ask in response.

"I swear," he states in a determined tone. "I will not lie to you. I will answer your questions honestly, and I will tell you the truth of my concerns."

"Fine," I agree, "But only with the others present."


	6. Wing Chun

As we sit around the long dinner table in the main house, everyone seems jittery with excitement; everyone except Akisame and myself. They're all mumbling to themselves about the fight and bickering amongst one another. Miu squeals as Kensei tries to snap another photo of her behind, and Shigure kicks him in the face. Apachai is drooling, unable to wait for all of the food to be put into place. Sakaki is tormenting Kenichi about his failures in training. Things almost feel back to normal in the big house, despite the tension a short while ago. The Elder sits at the head of the table, with me at the other end. Akisame sits next to him, as far from me as possible.

After the food is on the table, the masters launch into eating. They continuously steal from one another, and from Kenichi most of all. He has a rabid face as he tries to defend his food with his arms, and even his legs at times. My food is left alone, which I appreciate tonight more than ever. Without anyone – including myself – knowing whether I possessed any martial arts training or talent prior to today, it would have been bad manners to put me through the normal defensive process. Several minutes after everyone has started eating, the Elder finally speaks.

"Now, now everyone," he says, raising his rough voice above the din, "Let's settle down. Sachi, while I suspect you did not rejoin us of your own free will – I am none the less happy to have you back under our roof, safe and sound."

"Thank you, Elder," I try to acknowledge his kindness, "I appreciate the kindness all of you have shown me over the past weeks. However, this meal does not mean it is my intention to stay." Akisame's head is bowed and his eyes are closed. His expression is solemn.

"That is your decision," the Elder says in a saddened tone, "but I would like the opportunity to ask you why you feel you must leave us."

"Why you go?!" Apachai suddenly shouts, "Do you not like Ryozanpaku anymore?!"

"It's not that simple, Apachai," I try to explain, "Of course I like it here. You are all amazing people, but it hasn't been the most… comfortable at times. You all have a family here – one that existed long before I came and will no doubt last long after I am gone. I don't want to endanger that family, or cause it to function… differently simply because I am here."

"Oh, can it!" Sakaki suddenly shouts, "No one could be endangered here… except maybe Kenichi, and we've got him covered." I hear a muffled sound of protest come from Kenichi, but he won't outright interrupt. "We all know this is about you and Akisame, so the two of you just need to get over it! You got to kick the crap out of him, and it looked to me like you were well on your way to makin' up, right? What's the big deal?!"

"As much as I would like to just snap my fingers and make it all better, Sakaki," I glare at him, "It's not something _I_ have control of. This is not something I can fix."

"I think this entire situation has been blown way out of proportion," Akisame's smooth voice finally cuts in. "Our little family is functioning just fine. Wouldn't you say so everyone?"

There are lots of nods and grunts of agreement from around the room.

"You _are_ _a part_ of our family now, Sachi," Miu says sweetly.

"That's right!" Kenichi says with determination, "And we protect our own!"

"No…" Shigure's deep voice enters the fray for the first time. "Sachi… is right. Akisame, you have removed yourself from us. You stay… away from her… Why?"

Oh dear, I don't really want to have this conversation in a big group. "Shigure, he doesn't have to explain…" I start, but he cuts me off.

"Actually, I don't see the harm in discussing it," Akisame smiles haughtily at me, likely thinking that I will back down out of embarrassment. Boy is he in for a shock….

"Oh really?" I challenge him. "Fine then Akisame, why don't you go ahead and explain why you can't stand to be in the same room I'm in."

"It's simple," he states. "I find you attractive – intoxicating even – and I shouldn't. Removing myself was simply a way of removing the temptation. It was simple common sense."

The frankness of his statement surprises me. I am not sure I believe him… but if his kisses are a true indicator then this is the first time I've seen the situation clearly.

"Apa…," Apachai says, "Apachai confused! If you like Sachi… why should you… not? Sachi is very pretty, and smart!" I smile warmly at Apachai as I feel a faint blush enter my cheeks.

Akisame lets out one of his warm chuckles, gripping his chin in thought before he answers. "Yes, Apachai, you're right. But I'm afraid I'm much too old for her. My attraction to her is simply inappropriate."

I stare at him now in blatant shock, as does much of the room. Sakaki rolls his eyes in aggravation. They must have discussed this previously. Is he serious? He can't be! I can't help my reaction, I try to fight it back, but a giggle starts to bubble up from deep in my belly. I'm soon laughing so hard I have tears coming from my eyes. Akisame stares at me with eyes full of disapproval.

"You…" I try to choke out amidst my laughter, "You can't be serious! My God, Akisame, how old are you? 60?!" I'm now laughing so hard I'm doubled over, clutching my sides.

"I don't find it funny Sachi," Akisame says in a serious tone, "I'm nearly 40!"

"Nearly…" I drawl in a sarcastic and mocking tone. "Oh dear, a handsome, brilliant and talented _nearly _40 year old finds me attractive. What ever am I to do?!" I erupt into a fit of giggles trying to dab the water from the corners of my eyes. The rest of the table is joining in with me now, and Akisame's face is growing angry. "I'm not a child Akisame! I can't say how old I am for sure… but I know I'm over 30!"

The room full of people suddenly get quieter, looking at me seriously now. It is obvious that they doubt my claim. Damnit! Why do I have a big hole in my head!

"I think that's a stretch," Akisame replies calmly.

"Well I don't!" I spit back, aggravated now. "I don't care what I look like! Thirty is a big year for a woman, and I might not be able to prove it… but I'm over it. I know I am. Why don't you let me worry about who's _too old for me_… Okay big boy?"

Akisame stares at me with a skeptical look but does not reply. Sakaki's face twists with sudden overwhelming amusement before he breaks out laughing harder than ever. He has his hand thrown over his eyes and his face turned to the ceiling. "She's right you know!" he shouts. "Come on man, the cat's out of the bag now! It's no big secret. You've got the hots for her. You think it's wrong and she doesn't. Big deal! Just be normal for crying out loud, and we'll all be fine."

"Not quite," I try to cut into his laughter. The room goes quiet again to try and listen to my next words. "We are no closer now to who I am, or why on Earth I was even in the local area then we were when I first arrived. I've remembered nothing since my arrival, and I may never."

"I don't see how leaving Ryozanpaku solves that problem for you, Sachi," the Elder states in a calm voice. "What do you expect to find by leaving here?"

"It's not what I expect to find," I clarify, "I think it would reduce the likelihood of me being found. Whoever attacked me knows I was in the local area when I was rescued. They would expect to find me here."

"I disagree," Akisame joins in again in a matter-of-fact tone, "In fact, I would say you're twice as likely to be found if you leave than if you stay."

"How exactly is that?" I challenge him.

"When you're on the move, you will have to move through checkpoints regularly for various forms of transportation. The more people you meet, the more people who would recognize you if questioned." He explains. "We don't even know if you're being searched for in the first place, but if you are we shouldn't underestimate the person's potential resources. At this point, everyone outside of Ryozanpaku is a potential threat."

"Oh please," I retort, "Now you're just being paranoid."

"Actually," Kensei cuts in with his nasal voice for the first time since the dinner started, "I have to agree with Akisame on this one – although I think he's a world class idiot for avoiding you thus far." Akisame glares at Kensei.

His intrusion genuinely makes me curious, so I turn to face him. He positioned himself next to Akisame, on the opposite side as the Elder, immediately after our fight. "Why?" I ask, "About agreeing with him, not his avoidance of me."

"Because my dear," he explains, "Your level of skill is simply much too high to be found in normal circumstances. Some paranoia is practically required at this point."

"What Kensei is trying to say," Akisame says, jumping to back him up, "Is that you have not simply had martial arts training – your training has been at a very serious level. The fact that you were able to land a solid blow against me, much less more than one, is a testament to that fact. In fact, the style you've been trained in only makes the evidence more damning."

"I don't understand," I admit.

"Do you remember anything about your martial arts style?" Kensei asks with hope in his eyes. "Anything new since your fight?"

I shut my eyes and try to remember, but the only thing I can find is the movements I accessed in my anger. I don't remember a name, any specific principals… anything. I sigh in frustration and return my eyes to his, shaking my head in defeat.

"That's quite impressive, then," Kensei says.

"Yes," Akisame almost mumbles, narrowing his eyes at me and grabbing his chin again. "That means it's almost entirely muscle memory…"

"The style you were fighting in is called Wing Chun," Kensei explains. "It's a very specialized form of Chinese Kung Fu, specifically designed for women and self-defense."

"Wing Chun?" Kenichi asks. "I've never heard of it before."

"Apa…" Apachai mumbles, "But Akisame! Sachi was using elbow strikes like Muai Tai Boxer!"

"That's right Apachai," Akisame explains to the entire group. "Wing Chun and Muai Thai have different origins, but possess many of the same movements. Those designed for maximum damage. According to legend," he says, launching into his tutoring voice, "Wing Chun was invented by a female martial artist named Ng Mui. She developed the style from Kung Fu principals, after observing a battle between a crane and a snake. The style is named after her first disciple Yim Wing-Chun, who was another young woman being harassed by a local war lord into marriage. Mui taught Wing-Chun the style to use to defeat the war lord and win her freedom to choose her own husband. The entire art form is designed to aid a woman – or a smaller and typically weaker opponent – to withstand and counter the attacks of a much larger and stronger opponent. It is designed to inflict as much damage as possible as quickly as possible, to render the opponent unable to fight or allow the woman an opportunity to escape and seek aid."

"But I still don't understand, damnit!" I shout, my anxiety growing under their intense stares. "Why on Earth would that make my situation worse instead of better?! Isn't it a good thing that I can defend myself?"

"Aww man," Sakaki suddenly sighs from the sidelines. "There's no way we can let you leave now Sachi. Not until we get some answers."

Suddenly, Akisame stands up and walks over to me, sitting down directly in front of me before speaking. This makes me more nervous than anything yet.

"Akisame, you're scaring me…" I mumble, glancing around the group of worried faces. Kenichi is the only one who looks as confused as me. The rest of them look terribly depressed.

"You see," he says in his clinical calm tone, "You haven't done a single day of training since you arrived here, and you were recovering from a very serious set of injuries. That means we can infer that what we saw today is not how you are at your strongest. Tell me, were you holding back at all during our little disagreement in the training yard?"

"Of course!" I screech. "I was just angry. I wanted to hurt you not…" Oh my God. What he's saying finally clicks in my mind. I can only stare at him in shock as he continues with the explanation I no longer want to hear.

"That means that when you faced your former opponent you were most likely stronger," he says, gently grasping my hand in his. "What was done to you was serious. I was confused before about why your opponent had specifically inflicted so much damage without killing you, but hadn't… taken advantage of you either. With your fighting style it makes sense. They would have been unable to assault you until they wore you down, and inflicted enough damage to cut through your resistance. Considering the level of damage done before you got away from them, they had been trying to break you for some time. What's more concerning… is that whoever did this was not some random thug. They had to be a serious martial artist, or a very large group of lower level martial artists. Either way, the situation doesn't ring true for a random act of violence. This person or people… knew you."

My stomach churns, but I cannot find a flaw in his logic. I'm trying with everything I have… but it's just not there. He's right. That is also probably why I didn't want to be taken to a hospital. For whatever reason, I was afraid of being identified. I'm going to be sick…

"Well everyone," I say, jumping to my feet in robotic like movements, "I think I'm full. I'm gonna call it a night." I start to walk away from the table, headed for the door.

"But Sachi wait!" Kenichi yells. "You can't just…"

"Sachi!" the Elders tone cuts in sternly, "I know what we've discussed tonight must be overwhelming for you, and I am truly sorry. However… I must ask what your intentions are with this new information. If you truly wish to leave this place, I will not allow the residents of Ryozanpaku to interfere again. But if you choose to stay, we can help you strengthen your skills and body. We can prepare you to face your opponent again someday if it ever comes to that. We may even be able to press harder to find out who you are. Will you stay with us?"

I do not turn to face him. I can't. I may lose my composure at any moment. "Sure," I agree. "Why not, right? Once you're dead, there's only up from here." I leave them behind me as I head to the roof.


	7. Apology

I sit on the roof for a couple of hours, letting the noise from Ryozanpaku wash over me as it ebbs and flows. Eventually, everyone settles down for the night and real silence begins to touch my ears. I feel cold, but I hadn't even bothered to bring a jacket up with me and I can't bring myself to move. I can now feel the dried tracks of my tears crinkle on my face, but I don't feel like even raising a hand to deal with it. A small creak of a tile is the only sound to alert me to the presence of another person on the roof with me. I turn to see Akisame standing with an odd bundle tucked beneath his arm.

"May I join you?" he asks politely.

"Sure," I turn back out to the sky. "It's not my roof."

I feel a soft blanket settle around my shoulders, blocking the chill of the cold night air. It must be what Akisame was carrying. He sits down gently right beside me, close enough to wrap an arm around me if he wished to. Instead he crosses his hands in his lap and bows his head; his eyes closed and his expression solemn. The small wound above his eye has a small butterfly bandage now holding it together and is lightly crusted with blood.

"I'm so sorry I hurt you," I whisper, leaning over and placing a kiss on the bandage gently. When I open my eyes, he lifts his head and stares into them tenderly.

"I'm sorry today was so difficult for you," he replies. "I know I haven't made your stay here easy. I truly regret that."

"I understand now why you did," I acknowledge, choosing to believe his story is true, "but I still think it's a bullshit reason to turn me down." I pull back and stare into the night with his warmth beside me.

"Your age is only one of many reasons to decline your interest," he admits.

"Oh really," I ask, with barely enough sarcasm to carry in my voice, "there's a list?"

"Of course," he says with a chuckle, "I wouldn't have been able to maintain _this_ long with only one."

"Let me guess," I sigh, "Am I too short?"

"Unfortunately, no," he teases, "Your height is quite… perfect. I've always liked women just a bit shorter than myself. My reasons are more challenging. They mostly relate to your lack of history."

"What do you mean?" I ask, genuinely curious.

"Honestly," he bows his head again in thought, rubbing the back of his neck slightly. "I'm fairly certain you're married."

The thought startles me. Married? I suppose I could be… but something about it doesn't feel right. I don't _feel _married. Would I? The thought bothers me. I have no longing for a missing piece, no unexplained drive to find anything – despite my situation. Aside from my brief moments of frustration, my memory loss actually feels relatively peaceful. Surely if I was married my subconscious would work to remember them… I look down at my hands. There's no indication I was wearing a wedding band; no discoloration on my skin. My skin is pretty pale though…

"I don't think you're right," I finally disagree. "I know it's no better than my age, but I don't feel married. I think if I had been, my subconscious would be fighting somehow to let me know, to drive me to find them you know?"

"Unfortunately, memory loss does not respect such things," he replies.

"Why do you think I was?" I ask with growing curiosity. "Was I wearing a wedding band?"

"No," he admits. "Nothing like that. It's more basic. You're young, but old enough to be married – perhaps even have children. You're incredibly beautiful. I can't imagine many men would let the issue drop if you were still single. When Apachai first brought you to me… I was honestly waiting for some hysterical angry lunatic to break down my door looking for you. I know how angry I would have been in his shoes."

"Well, that's very sweet of you," I nudge him with my shoulder playfully. "But you have no more proof that I'm married than I have that I'm not. Where does that leave us?"

"The same place as before I suppose," he admits, "without the pretending."

"Before you said you were avoiding me to remove the temptation," I say, leaning into him and refusing to release his misty gaze. "You said something about it being common sense…?"

"Well, I have to admit," he says with a seductively dark chuckle. "Personally, I love going against common sense whenever I get the opportunity."

To my surprise, he leans in and kisses me again. His arm snakes around my waist and pulls me gently against his side. His other hand caresses the side of my face, with his fingers twined into my auburn hair. I let him kiss me slowly, gently – truly just exploring the sensation for the first time. His mouth is firm but gentle. His tongue dances across my lower lip, and I give him the access he desires. It doesn't feel… _wrong_ when Akisame kisses me. It feels right. For these few brief moments, I feel at home. His intensity increases, and soon it's as if he is drinking me in. He holds me tightly in arms like steel bands. His kisses trail down my neck and onto my shoulder, leaving fire in his wake.

Suddenly he stops. He tucks his face into my shoulder and a small growl of frustration comes from his throat. The noise surprises me so much coming from him that I can't help but let a small giggle escape.

"Frustrated?" I tease him, kissing the top of his head.

"I can't sleep with you Sachi," he says into my shoulder in a rough whisper. "If someone came here looking for you later – some husband you'd forgotten. I couldn't forgive myself."

"Then just…" I try to find words, something to explain the desire I have. "_Be_ with me Akisame. Just… stay. I… I hate it when you avoid me."

He captures my mouth with his own again, and I'm thrown back into a world of sensation and fire. I want more, but I won't ask it of him. This is more than I would have hoped for. We simply sit together, there on the roof, and he kisses me long into the night.


	8. Clue

"Again!" Sakaki yells at Kinichi as I wander through the dojo. "Come on little man! At least put enough force into it for me to feel your punches!" He has the giant mitts on his hands that Kennichi is supposed to be hitting repeatedly, while learning to dodge too.

"I'm trying damnit!" Kenichi yells back in frustration, punching away.

"Too slow!" Sakaki yells, punching Kenichi straight through the wall of the dojo.

"Sakaki! Stop breaking the house!" Miu adds her voice to the insanity that is daily life here.

Suddenly, I feel the hair on the back of my neck stand up. I instinctively bring my elbow back hard and make contact with Kensei's hand, hovering just in front of his face and behind my ass. I glare at him. Ever since the day Akisame and I fought, Kensei has apparently decided he can treat me like all of the other women at Ryozanpaku. Akisame says it just means he's fully accepted me. Kensei claims to be testing my reflexes – trying to get more of my training to come through the blank hole in my mind. I know he's just a pervert that wants to feel me up…

Life has gone back to normal at the dojo – or at least a better version of normal since my amnesia. Akisame no longer runs from a room as soon as I enter. Sometimes he is affectionate and will kiss me or run his fingers through my hair. Other times he's more reserved; keeping his distance with his hands tucked in his sleeves. I've pretty much figured out that these are days when he doesn't trust his restraint as much. It's a lesser version of removing the temptation. The other masters tease him about it nearly constantly. Sakaki and Kensei seem to feel like his continued insistence on not having a relationship with me is some form of temporary insanity. I've decided just to give the situation time.

It's so hot out today! I have on one of Miu's purple tank tops. Fortunately, it's the stretchy kind, and she's not so much bustier than me that it looks too big. I also have some small black running shorts which I asked her to pick up from the store for me. My ass has definitely seen more years than hers – but I don't mind it. But my hair is driving me crazy; making the heat that much worse. I've got it pulled up on the back of my head in a messy bun, trying to keep it off my neck. I've borrowed one of Shigure's paper fans. I wanted to ask Akisame if he could pick up something refreshing from the market. I know he's partial to watermelon… but I can't seem to find him. I prop my hand on my hip in frustration, using the fan to keep myself as cool as possible.

"Whoa…" I hear a young man's voice whisper behind me. "Hey Kenichi… is there some kind of beauty requirement for the women who live here?"

"Oh her," Kenichi pipes up in a whisper to match the new voice, "That's Sachi. She's new, but yeah, it definitely seems to be a trend. I have to say…" he continues, lapsing into a perverted tone. "It sure does make staying here worth it sometimes…"

"You guys do know I can hear you right?" I pipe in with a clear voice; turning to face them with a smirk.

"Oh, sorry," Kenichi says with a blush. "This is my friend Takeda. Takeda, this is Sachi – the new resident of Ryozanpaku."

Takeda has long, and surprisingly blue, hair pulled back into a pony tail. He has bright clear eyes and the face of a pretty boy. He must be one of the biggest heartthrobs of his local high school. His posture is loose and carefree, but confident. His hands are taped like a boxer. I wonder what he's doing here.

"Nice to meet you," he says walking up and placing a kiss on my hand like some old knight of Camelot. This kid is dangerously smooth for a teenager. "Are you a martial artist then?"

"Sort of," I admit, not sure how to explain – or if I even should. "Are you honestly coming on to me?" I'm a bit shocked. I'm still fit, but obviously older than he is. The thought makes me almost sympathetic for Akisame… but not quite.

"Wow," he says, rubbing the back of his head while a blush blooms on his cheeks. "You're pretty blunt huh? Well… yeah I guess. You're pretty beautiful standing there like that."

Definitely dangerous… Akisame walks through the dojo doors with an interesting expression on his face. It's not quite amused, and not quite aggravated – somewhere in the middle perhaps.

"Well, thank you," I respond to Takeda's compliment, trying not to be rude despite my distraction. "That's very kind of you, but I think you're a bit young for me handsome. Are you even 18 yet?"

"Almost…" he admits sheepishly.

"Ah Sachi," Akisame's smooth voice cuts in, "I see you've met my patient." He walks over to join us.

"Yes," I smile back with my true enthusiasm to have finally found him. I feel foolish now for not thinking of the clinic. "Kenichi introduced us already."

"Is she one of your patients, doc?" Takeda asks. The tone he uses with Akisame borders on worship. I wonder what Akisame is treating him for. "Akisame's the best," he turns to me insistent. "He's helping me heal my arm up so I can be a professional boxer someday!"

I smile at his enthusiasm. Suddenly, I feel Akisame's arm snake around my waist and pull me against him. I can't quite get a look at him, because he nuzzles his face into my neck – breathing deeply as if he's smelling my hair. He kisses my neck tenderly and pulls back to look into my eyes. I know I probably look like a love-struck puppy staring at him like this… but I just can't help it when he acts this way! This is more open than normal for him.

"I'm sorry if you've been looking for me," he says in a seductively dark tone, ignoring Takeda's question. Then he chuckles warmly. "I realized I didn't tell you I left for Takeda's appointment. I nearly forgot the boy."

"It's okay," I say, taking a risk and kissing his lips softly.

He accepts my little kiss graciously. Then he turns his attention back to Kenichi and Takeda, and I turn with him. When I do, I realize Takeda's mouth is hanging open in shock. Kenichi is standing beside him grinning from ear to ear.

"No way, Akisame!" Takeda shouts. "She's your girl? Man I'm so sorry! If I'd known I'd..."

"She isn't _my_ anything," Akisame feels the need to clarify. "I appreciate your concern, but Sachi is not a possession. She can do as she pleases. I simply enjoy her company."

"Right…" Takeda mumbles, even more confused than before.

"Just ignore that idiot!" Sakaki yells from across the room. "She's his woman he just won't admit it! Now damnit, Kenichi… Get back here and finish your training!"

"Yes, master Sakaki…" Kenichi says in a defeated tone, dragging himself back. Akisame walks back with him, leaving me with Takeda as if he's proving some kind of point. I can't help but laugh at all of them, and Takeda joins in with me. Suddenly… I feel the hair on the back of my neck rise again. I bring my elbow back, and hear a laugh like the devil himself split the room as a rail thin figure leaps out of my way.

"Hey hot stuff," the alien-looking young man says in a grating tone, "Why don't you ditch that old geezer and find out what a real man can do for you… hmmm?" This kid creeps me out.

"Kenichi!" I yell for him again, "Is this one of your weird friends?"

"Nijima!" Kenichi yells, barreling back in the room.

"What the hell?!" Sakaki shouts. "How the hell are we supposed to get any training done with all your buddies dropping in like this?!"

"Well…" Akisame sighs, "Well just have to make him do more laps around the city to make up for it."

"But it's not my fault!" Kenichi screams in denial. "Damnit master Koetsuji! Sachi needs my help! Back off you alien freak!" He throws himself between me and the strange alien boy. I am amused, but somehow thankful.

The kid is tall and crazy skinny. He has extremely long pointed ears like some woodland elf or mutated alien. His face is thin and cut with severe angles. He has short black hair which almost seems to form into devil horns atop his head. His little beady eyes are the icing on the cake. But his outfit… my God! He's dressed in some kind of strange black jumpsuit with aluminum foil-like strips down the sides. Between the foil strips are what appear to be… black lights?... strapped all over his body emitting a weird glow.

"Nijima…" Kenichi says in a worried tone, taking stock of his strange outfit too no doubt. "What the hell are you wearing?"

"This, my friend," Nijima waves at the ridiculous costume proudly, "is all the rage in London. It's the newest thing in rave parties. Personal black light suits! If you weren't such a social reject you'd know that. Just think of it Kenichi. Loud music… pulsing bodies… half-naked women in glowing white bikini's! Beat that baby!" His devilish laugh erupts again as his tongue flails around like a snake. I shudder at the sight.

"The boy has clearly lost his mind," Akisame states in a sympathetic tone.

"Apa…" Apachai pipes in, sticking his head through the new hole in the wall. "Akisame, what is a rave?"

"It's a type of party or dance with loud electronic-style music where people come together and make fools of themselves in large groups," Akisame explains very matter-of-factly.

"Oh put a sock it in old man!" Nijima screams. "Raves are the best way to…"

WHAM! Kenichi hauls off and punches the poor boy in the face. Nijima is now sprawled on the floor twitching.

"You are crazy!" Kenichi screams. "Now get out of that thing before someone calls the cops about the alien freak that was just seen coming in here!"

Nijima pops back up, dusting himself off in obvious frustration. "You just have no taste," he spits, "Unlike your beautiful friend. Nice tattoo by the way, sweetheart." He winks his creepy beady eye at me.

Tattoo? Is he talking to me?

"How hard did you hit him, Kenichi?" Akisame asks with concern in his voice. "Young man, Sachi doesn't have any tattoos." Akisame puts his hand to Nijima's forehead as if to take his temperature.

"You sound awful sure of yourself for someone who isn't dating her…" Nijima leers suggestively.

"Now _I'm _going to hit him…" Akisame states standing back up.

"Actually I saw it too." Takeda jumps into the conversation, surprisingly to Nijima's defense. "It's pretty cool Sachi. What does it mean?"

"I… I don't know what you're talking about…" I mumble, confused.

"Oh come on, don't be shy…" Nijima says leaning into me and then jumping back in fright after glancing back at Akisame. "The one you've got right on the back of your neck. I have to say it's very clever. Black light tattoos are pretty hard to come by. Where did you get it done?"

"Show me!" Akisame's voice is suddenly demanding.

"You mean…" Nijima says; his face suddenly looking confused after he sees the confusion clearly written on my own. "How can you _not_ know you have a tattoo? Didn't it hurt?"

I am frozen in confusion and dread.

"Just show me!" Akisame shouts again.

"Okay, okay! Calm down!" Nijima holds up one of the black lights from his suit. "Turn around will ya?"

I turn and hear the whole room gasp. "What?" I ask. "What does it look like?"

"That's remarkable," Akisame mumbles. "I've never seen this design before. Kenichi! Grab me some paper and my calligraphy brush."

"Yes, master Koetsuji!" Kenichi shouts, running for the other room.

"Sakaki, do you recognize it?" Akisame asks.

"Nah," Sakaki mumbles. "Never seen it before. That's pretty cool stuff though. I've never heard of a tattoo that can only be seen by black light before."

"Nijima," Akisame says, still standing behind me. I hear footsteps running back. "Oh thank you Kenichi. Nijima, I'm going to need to borrow one of those black lights from you."


	9. Marked

Akisame tried to insist that we go to the clinic to look for more tattoos. However, I have no intention of going all the way there simply for him to wave a light around and see if anything glows under my skin. I simply informed him that if he wanted to check more thoroughly, he could come up to my room. I hold the black light in my hand now and take a deep breath. I'm nervous that I will find new markings and just as nervous that I won't. I hear a small knocking at my bedroom door.

"Come in," I shout over my shoulder.

The door slides open, and Akisame steps inside – sliding it shut again behind him. His face bears his normal calm expression, with his black hair lying sexy and lazily in front of his eyes. I flick the black light on and smile at him mischievously. His mouth kicks up in a smirk beneath his narrow mustache, but he doesn't say anything.

With my little black shorts on I can see the entire expanse of my legs without undressing. I wave the wand in front of me, but see nothing unusual. I pull the front of my shorts forward and peek inside, but see nothing on my lower belly either. I wave the wand all over my arms and find nothing. Then I turn to Akisame and hand the wand to him, turning around so he can check the backs of my legs.

"I don't see anything on the backs of your legs," he says in his clinical tone. "That just leaves your back and torso.

I grasp the hem of my tank top and pull it up and off over my head. I hear a small intake of breath from Akisame. I must have surprised him. With my back still turned I unhook my bra before he can object and snatch the wand from his hand. I wave it around, but don't see any markings on my belly or breasts. I cover my breasts with my shirt and hand the wand back to him.

"Anything back there?" I ask over my shoulder.

"Just the large symbol on your neck," he clarifies.

"Check my ass too," I insist. I know it's unlikely, but I want to be sure. I hook my thumbs in my waistband and pull my shorts down enough for him to see everything he needs to.

"Ummm… nothing." His tone is still clinical, but slightly strained.

I want to giggle at him, but resist the urge. I pull the shorts back up and spin around to flop down on my bed. I still have my shirt clutched to my chest, and I pull my feet up to rest on the edge of the bed. I lean back against the wall in exasperation and puff air out of my lungs to try and push away the stray lock of hair that's fallen in front of my face. Akisame's eyes are wide for just a moment, taking in my provocative posturing. I know it's bad of me… but somehow it makes me feel less awkward to tease him.

"So…" I say in a questioning voice, "I guess that means we don't have any more to go off of."

Suddenly his eyes narrow, but I can't quite figure out where he's looking.

"Wait…" he mumbles. To my surprise, he leans down and brings his face down between my raised knees, touching his hand high on the inside of my thigh very gently. I can't help but tease him now!

"Really, Akisame?" I say with a taunting tone, threading my fingers into his silky black locks. "I didn't think you wanted to…"

"Look, Sachi," he says, cutting me off quickly.

He gently grabs the flesh of my thigh and rotates it up just enough for me to see what he's talking about. It's the scar from where I was stabbed, and he stitched the wound closed. The flesh there is badly damaged, but the edges of the scar glow blue. There had been a mark there, but it's impossible to determine what it was anymore. Whatever it was, it was very small.

"Well, I'll be damned…" I mumble, looking at it. "I wonder if it was one of those 'enjoy the ride' kind of tattoos. Maybe I was sleeping with a tattoo artist?" My tone is joking, but I can't put my heart into it. This makes me even more nervous than before. Why the hell would I have a tattoo there?! Akisame stands back upright and looks me in the eye.

"The placement of that wound could technically be a coincidence," he says, with slight anger in his tone now. "However, I'm not a person that puts much stock in coincidence. If it was intentional, it was extremely accurate to be able to make the mark illegible. And even then, the person placing it there would have likely had to have a black light on hand, or know intimately where it was located."

I can feel my hands beginning to tremble. I don't like where this is going at all – and it still doesn't even make any sense. Akisame sits down gently on the bed beside me and caresses my cheek with his hand.

"It's going to be alright," he says in his deep authoritative tone. "This only gives us more information to use to try and identify you."

What if I don't want to be identified?! What if the truth is a nightmare, and I'm better off forgotten? I just want to stay here with everyone at Ryozanpaku. I don't think I want to know where I came from anymore. I spin quickly, straddling Akisame's lap and seize his mouth with mine. I want to stay forgotten. I want him to accept me, and forget about who I might have been. I thread my fingers into his hair and plunge my tongue possessively into his mouth.

He responds to me like a match to gasoline, the stress of the moment forgotten temporarily. I drink in his hungry kisses. I can feel his hands run up my back and grip hard onto my shoulders. I can feel his arousal and I rub myself against him, trying to make him loosen his grip on his maddening restraint. He counters my movement by turning us over, and flipping me onto my back. Instead of pressing into me like I'm hoping for, he pulls himself back and hovers over me; breathing hard into my neck. His body is shuddering in protest. Damnit! Damn him and his rules!

"Sachi," he says in a throaty whisper, "This isn't going to help anything. Nothing has changed. I cannot give you what you want."

"Why not?!" I shout, hitting him in the back lightly with my fist. "Damnit Akisame… I want you."

"I'm… flattered," he says warily, "but you know why I can't. We still don't know if you'll end up regretting this decision – if we'll both regret it for the rest of our lives."

He stands up cautiously, and turns his back to me straightening his clothes. I sit up and put my shirt back on, crossing my arms over my breasts and glaring at the floor. A tear escapes from the corner of my eye, and I brush it away before he can see. He turns back to look at me and his face looks tired and sad.

"Sachi, if I didn't care about you," he says softly, "I would accept what you offer me. It is not a question of whether or not I desire you. I think you know that. I also know you must be frightened right now, but we're going to do everything we can to get the answers for you."

"Just go, Akisame," I whisper. He hesitates in the doorway.

"We didn't check the bottoms of your feet," he reaches down for the black light wand.

I don't want him to look at the bottom of my right foot. I punctured the bottom of it about a week ago on an old nail in an alleyway. I haven't told anyone about it because I'm not supposed to leave Ryozanpaku for _any _reason. Akisame is worried I could be seen and identified if I'm outside the walls. But I was going stir crazy! I just wanted to go for a walk. It's been itching for a couple of days, but I think that means it's healing. He'd be furious if I explained how I'd gotten it, and I'm already too angry at him to argue right now.

"I'll do it myself," I insist. "Just go. Please."

The sadness in his expression seems to grow, and he closes his eyes and sighs deeply. He turns around and leaves the room without any more argument. I check my foot quickly, and – big surprise – find nothing other than the little angry mark from my stupid walk.

As I wander around the training grounds the next day, this new discovery nags at me. The one symbol we found and could identify on the back of my neck, I still don't recognize. It's shaped like a giant English letter F in some kind of cursive script. But the design is much more complex than that. There are lots of small protrusions from the main shape all the way around at somewhat random points. There's also a series of odd symbols in a constellation-like pattern in the background.

Akisame seems to think it's some elaborate form of communication – or identification system. Sakaki thinks he's being paranoid again, and that its some form of artwork I must have had done by special request. The Elder wants Sakaki to look into it anyway with someone he apparently knows in the government. I don't know what to think… Sakaki could be right, but why the hell would I get tattoos in black light ink? If it was some kind of personal statement, wouldn't I want the world to see it? And why would someone go out of their way to remove one of them?

Ugh! And this itch on the bottom of my foot is making it impossible to keep a straight thought in my head at all! It's from the little wound in my foot that I'm still trying to keep under wraps. Now my foot is starting to cramp up in addition to the itch! Great!

Combined with my headache, I should just give up entirely on solving the puzzle this tattoo presents. Maybe it means nothing. Maybe it's important. Either way… I'm not sure I care. I am filled with the growing sensation that I would be better off not knowing my past, and just starting a new life here; a fresh start. But Akisame is determined to solve the puzzle of who I am. It's really starting to piss me off!

I make my way slowly back around into the dojo once again. Miu is getting ready for dinner, so I help her set out the food for everyone. Just as we're finishing, all the Ryozanpaku masters seem to materialize out of nowhere like they do every night for dinner. Shigure simply takes her food and heads for the attic. When the eating begins, I can't help but laugh as we all battle over the meal on the table, and on each person's plate. Akisame is sitting next to me and maintaining just fine, but I can tell he is distracted – probably thinking about the strange symbol. He has been intentionally kind to me since I threw him out so ungraciously, and I've appreciated his effort.

"Hey, lover boy," I tease – elbowing him in the ribs lightly. "Would you stop worrying about it already?"

"I'm not worried, Sachi," he states, turning to look me in the eye. "I'm intrigued. This symbol could be a key to finding out the truth about your past."

"Is that a good thing?" I mumble, decidedly still uneasy about the idea. I feel almost as if I'm breaking out in a sweat, but with chills running over my skin.

"You disagree?" Akisame asks. "Don't you want to know the truth?"

"No. Actually, I'm not sure I do!" I shout, my anxiety getting the better of me.

My jaw muscle cramps up terribly, locking shut for a few moments. Ow! What the hell?! The antics around the table die down, with my outburst getting everyone's attention. God I've got to relax! I try again.

"Look, I'm sorry," I say massaging my jaw. "I just can't help this awful feeling I have in the pit of my stomach, okay? _You're the one_ who wanted to know more about who I am. Not me! What if I'm some kind of psychotic axe murderer or something, and someone was trying to hurt me out of revenge? What if I was a prisoner of some underground war? What if I simply had some asshole boyfriend who liked to kick the shit out of me – and happened to be a pretty bad ass martial artist? No matter what I seem to come up with – it all seems like something I might be better off forgetting."

"I… I'm sorry Sachi," Akisame says with sadness in his eyes. "I hadn't thought about it in that context. But what if the opposite is true? What if you were kidnapped, and there's someone out there looking for you?"

"Maybe they would be safer not finding me," I challenge. "Look, I don't think I wanna talk about this anymore right now. My head hurts, and I feel like crap. I'm gonna go to bed early. Thanks for dinner Miu."

I stand up, and head for my bedroom. No one calls to me, or tries to stop me. They know my argument is sound.


	10. Fever

I wake up from my sleep, burning alive in my own skin. Oh my God! What's happening? The room around me is dark and humid, like it was when I collapsed into bed after dinner. I decided to shut out the world and go to sleep rather than face the haunting questions of my past yet again with no answers.

Ahhh! My muscles lock down all over my body. The muscles strain over the bones so hard it feels as if they will explode. Someone help me! What is this?! I cannot move. I cannot scream for help.

I am going to die!

Sachi's outburst at dinner has me concerned, and I turn the puzzle over and over in my mind as I chip away at the stone statue in front of me. Stone carving normally brings me peace, but not tonight. Something about the way she was acting bothers me. She seemed so much more stressed than normal – more agitated. I want to go check on her, but know that I am only being paranoid. There is no need to cause her more frustration than I have already.

"Will Sachi… be alright… Akisame?" I hear Shigure's voice trail from above me in the rafters.

"I don't know," I admit. "I think that is largely up to her."

"What if she's… right?" she challenges me, "What… if it's better to… disappear?"

Sachi's statements about her possible past are driving me to a new kind of worry. She is right. Looking at it from her perspective, it could be very emotionally difficult finding out why she was injured the way she was and by whom. If it had been me left behind, with her taken or missing, I would never stop looking for her. However, the idea that the person looking for her could be a danger themselves makes me angry. The thought makes my hand slip, and I chip out a portion too large from the statue's eye.

"If she's right, then we protect her," I argue back, "But I can't ignore the possibility that she's not – that someone out there is looking for her right now, to protect her. Wouldn't you? All of us would."

"Maybe you should… talk to her," Shigure suggests, while feeding her mouse rice from her dinner.

"Not tonight," I say with a deep sigh, finally giving up on the statue and casting it aside. Instead I decide to close my eyes and meditate.

I'm going to die. Stuck here in this little room – alone in the dark. What is wrong with me?! My muscles are screaming in pain and cramping down all over my body. My head is spinning and throbbing. My skin is on fire! I must have a fever… But I cannot move! Damnit! Get up and do something!

I want to scream. I want to cry and sob. I want Akisame! He could help me! He could save me! Someone please! The muscle in my calf cramps down so hard that deep within my leg I feel an excruciating sharp pain deep within the bone. The pain is enough to send a small screech from my useless body, and I hear a shuffle outside my door.

I can hear someone's voice softly coming from behind it… but it's too garbled for me to understand them. I'm beginning to feel disconnected from my body… from the pain. At least if I die… this pain will stop. I see a faint light trace across the room just as I fall into complete darkness.

"Sachi's words tonight trouble you, old friend." The Elder's voice breaks into my thoughts through my pitiful attempt to meditate.

"Yes," I agree softly. "I do not want to cause her more harm." I open my eyes to see him sitting on the floor across from me. For a man his size, he moves like a ghost.

"She could be right," the Elder muses, stroking his long blonde beard.

"Perhaps I am wrong to press so hard for her past." My stomach roils with discomfort. "However, I wouldn't be able to distinguish making that choice for her, or making it for myself."

"Ah…" he says with a smile. "That is a difficult question. Taking what is offered to you would be the easier choice by far. It would certainly be easier for her also, if the past proves to be ugly. You would be sparing her pain."

I sit and meditate on his words for a long time, allowing myself to admit that it would not have to be for entirely selfish reasons… but I know the truth. It is what I truly want.

"However," he continues, stroking his beard with a frustrated expression, "how difficult will it be to live under a shadow? Would she grow to resent having no past to draw upon, even if it were unpleasant? Would she regret not finding answers when she still had the opportunity? Could her past still come back to haunt her, and would she know the danger if it did?"

I shift uncomfortably as the Elder voices the very questions that have gnawed at me from the beginning.

"There is no simple answer my friend," he says with a chuckle, "but you are wise not to cast aside the issue simply."

"AKISAME!" Miu's scream bursts from the upstairs, and the fear in her voice has me on my feet in a flash. "KENSEI! SOMEONE HELP!"

Within two heartbeats I can tell that her voice is coming from Sachi's room, and I'm standing at the bedside with a sharpened sense of fear now coursing through my own veins.

"What is it, Miu?" I demand, already beginning to brush her out of my way.

My chest tightens as I take in the sight of Sachi. Her body is strung as tight as an archer's bow, and she is drenched in sweat. Her skin is bright red, her breath coming in quick and shallow gasps, and when I check her eyes, they are rolled into the back of her head.

"I don't know what's wrong!" Miu cries in her girlish and frightened voice – the voice of the child I grew up with, instead of the hardened martial artist. "I heard her make a strange noise. I called to her, but she wouldn't answer. She looks like she has a fever, but she won't wake up!"

"Her condition is very serious," Kensei says from over my shoulder. He begins doing an evaluation of her himself as he talks. "I need to get my supplies. I don't think we have time to get her to the clinic."

"No," I agree. My hands upon her skin tell me that her temperature must be well over 100 degrees already. "If we don't get her cooled down quickly… she'll die."

"What's going on?!" Kenichi shouts from the doorway. "Oh my God! Is she alright?! What's happening?!"

"Kenichi!" I shout, lifting Sachi's rigid body into my arms. It's as if rigormortis has set in before her body has even died. "Take Shigure and start filling the trough outside in the training yard with hot water from the springs!"

"Hot water?!" he shouts, confused.

"JUST DO IT!" I scream at him. "Miu! Get Apachai! Start filling the same trough with cold water from the kitchen! Fast! We need to cool her down with lukewarm water! Kensei! Get your supplies from the clinic!"

I leap down to the first floor with her in my arms and head outside. I move swiftly to remove her clothing, leaving her underclothes in place. I have to tear some of it away due to the rigidity in her muscles. In a matter of minutes the trough in the training yard is filled with lukewarm water, and I begin to slowly dip her body into it. As a result, Sachi begins screaming.

"What's happening to her Akisame?" Miu squeaks in concern from beside me.

"She has an extremely high fever," I attempt to explain calmly, despite the fear clenching in my gut. "The water, even though lukewarm, likely feels extremely cold to her."

Sachi's eyes are still rolled into the back of her head, and it is unlikely that her screams are conscious. They begin to dim down after a few moments. I begin to run my hands all over her skin, looking for any sign of infection, or illness, but knowing from my earlier examination I will find nothing.

"How did she get so sick so fast?" Kenichi shouts from my other side.

"I don't know." I admit.

"We need to find out the source of the fever to treat her properly," Kensei says coming to face me from across the trough. "With the state her muscles are in, I won't be able to use my needles right now anyway. Did you see anything when you checked her for more markings?"

"No." I spit in frustration. "The infection must be internal. I checked everywhere for markings." Suddenly something flashes in my memory – Sachi shifting uncomfortably when I mentioned her feet. I am still holding her in the water, and supporting her body with my arms. I begin to try and reach for her foot, but Kensei has beaten me there.

"Here!" he shouts, and his eyes are grave as he turns his face to me. "There is a very infected looking wound on the bottom of her foot. It appears to be a puncture wound. Akisame… we have no way of knowing if she's ever had a Tetanus shot in her life."

As if confirming Kensei's theory, I feel the muscles in Sachi's arm spasm down hard and she emits another shrill scream.

"Go!" I shout to him. "Get the antibiotics from the clinic. The strongest we have! Get back as quickly as you can."

Kensei is off in a flash with Apachai following close behind.

"What is Tetanus?" Kenichi asks, confused.

I let out a shaky breath and try to answer him calmly. "Tetanus is a bacterial infection, most commonly picked up through small injuries from old surfaces like metal. The body attempts to kill the infection by causing a fever, but if the fever gets too high it can cause permanent damage to the brain and nervous system. The bacteria, if left unchecked in the body, will eventually cause severe muscle spasms. Sometimes these spasms can break bones… sometimes they are fatal."

"Oh no!" Miu shrieks. "Akisame! Is there anything we can do?"

"Help me get her cooled down," I say, turning to grab a dry rag from her hands and smoothing it over Sachi's soft skin. "And hope that Kensei can find what he's looking for…"

The next morning, I startle awake and open my eyes to find Sakaki standing beside me with a beer in his hand. He looks as if he hasn't had much more sleep than I have. After Kensei returned and administered the medication, and her fever had dropped to a manageable level, I had moved her onto a small blanket on the floor inside the door of the dojo. Her fever climbed back up to a dangerous level in less than an hour, and I had to return her to the trough outside. I've spent the night waking every hour to move her back and forth, in an attempt to maintain a safe body temperature.

"Sorry," Sakaki mumbles, running a hand over his face. "I didn't mean to wake you up. How's she doing?"

I look over at her, and see that her temperature has risen again from the flush on her cheeks. I can feel the frightening burn against my skin as I begin to lift her into my arms and carry her outside once again. Her muscles still continue their erratic spasms, but it's only enough to bring a cry to her lips occasionally.

"No change from last night," I say with a weary sigh. "If she doesn't improve by this afternoon… we'll have no choice but to take her to the hospital."

I set her into the water gently and, thankfully, instead of screaming she only lets out a groan. I rest her back against the stones we've used to keep her in a slightly sitting position – to avoid drowning. I grab a fresh cloth from the small pile Miu has deposited here, and begin to gently cool her face and head with the tepid water. I can't help but let my head drift down and brush my lips against her forehead gently.

"How are _you _holding up?" he asks, rubbing the back of his neck nervously.

"I'm fine." I lie, "She's going to be fine. She's… she's too young to die over something so foolish."

I close my eyes, trying once again to calm myself from my irrational anger at Sachi.

"Of course she's gonna be fine," Sakaki says without any real conviction. "I'm sure she didn't hide this from us on purpose."

"You're sure are you?" I say with my bitterness leaking through.

"Look… even if she did," he says in his most persuasive tone, "I'm sure she didn't think it was a big deal. I know I wouldn't have. I've had injuries way worse than that, and I just completely ignore 'em!"

"Yes, you're probably right," I admit. "Unfortunately, without any medical history to go off of… we couldn't have known she was more susceptible to infection like this. If we can get her fever to drop… I'll still have to get her to the clinic to see if any of her bones have been broken."

Sakaki sits down heavily on the ground and stares at his hands. "I wish there was something else we could do," he growls in frustration. "I hate this! It would be so much better if I could just kick this things ass!"

"Yes," I agree. "Unfortunately, all the martial arts training in the world is useless to us in situations like these. Even my extensive medical training is limited after an infection has gone this far unchecked."

I stare at Sachi's stricken face and feel regret wash through me once again. I begin to wish I had not held her at such a distance all of this time. If she dies today, would it have even mattered? No. I would have played the fool for nothing.

"Forgive me," I whisper into her ear, and then I sing her a lullaby, hoping she can somehow hear me.


	11. Damaged

I have been drifting in and out of consciousness for a long time. Held in this prison of my body, I have no way of knowing how long it has been. At first, I believed I had died and gone to some kind of eternal torture, but then I began to hear Akisame's voice cutting in through the pain – sometimes talking, sometimes singing. I've been too distracted by the pain to understand his words, but the sound of his voice has always soothed me. For a short while now the pain has been dimming, and I no longer feel like I am on fire. On the contrary, I feel like I am floating out on the ocean under the sun.

As I slowly open my eyes I can see blue sky and puffy clouds above me. Why am I outside? Why do I feel wet? I try to look down, but my neck is still too stiff to move much. I try turning it to the side instead, and after moving only an inch or two, I can see Akisame's face out of the corner of my eye. His head is next to mine and he appears to be fast asleep. He looks haggard, as if sleep evaded him for a long time until now. His arms and shoulders are bare, and I realize that the softer sensation I can feel beneath me is the circle of his arms.

"Akisame…" I whisper, not wanting to startle him. He doesn't respond. "Akisame…"

I hear a low chuckle come from in front of me, and when I turn my head I see the Elder standing there watching me. He has a warm smile on his lips, and I smile timidly in response. It is odd to have woken up twice to find him watching me.

"It's good to see that you have decided to rejoin us young lady," he chuckles.

At the sound of his voice, Akisame startles awake. His muscles jump, causing water to splash onto my face and confirm that I'm not imagining the sensation of being immersed in water. Akisame turns his head to see the Elder and then back to my face. It takes him a moment in his groggy stupor, but he seems to suddenly realize that my eyes are open and an expression of both joy and relief break across his face. Then he narrows his moonlight grey eyes at me in obvious annoyance.

"Sachi," he grumbles in a rough voice. "You gave us all quite a scare. How do you feel?"

"Well…" I tease weakly, "I can't remember waking up in the arms of a handsome man before. It would be even nicer if I could move."

His face turns concerned again, and he narrows his eyes at me. "I need to take you to my clinic now that your fever has broken. I can't assess the damage to your body properly from here."

"I trust you," I reply earnestly.

"Do you?" His expression is pained and as sad as I've ever seen it. "Sachi… why didn't you tell me about the injury on your foot? Why did you hide it?"

Oh drat. Why does he care about something so small at a time like this? "Because it was no big deal," I say with a sigh. "I got it while I was walking outside of the Ryozanpaku grounds…"

His expression shifts to become angry.

"See!" I squeak. "That's why I didn't say anything. I knew you would just fret over it and it would heal on its own anyway. Why are you asking me about that anyway?"

"My dear," the Elder cuts back into our conversation, "That little injury is the reason Akisame has been fighting to keep you alive for the past 2 days."

"What?" I ask, feeling shock course through me, "That's ridiculous."

"It would appear that you've never had a vaccination for Tetanus, or at least haven't had a recent booster," Akisame explains wearily. "The infection has severely damaged your body, and your body nearly killed itself in an effort to stop it."

"I…" I whisper. I don't even know what to say. I never imagined that little annoyance could become such a big problem. "I'm sorry."

Without another word, Akisame lifts me up and into his arms standing back up on his feet. My body is so stiff and sore that the movement hurts and I gasp before I can help it.

"Elder, I will be taking her straight to the clinic," Akisame says, nodding to him, "Please ask Kensei to join us there when he returns with Kenichi."

"Of course," the Elder says with a smile, "Take better care of yourself young lady."

I lie on a table in the clinic for what feels like an eternity. Akisame has taken endless x-rays of my body and seems to be taking his time in returning. This worries me. Would he return faster if the news were good? My body is still very stiff, making movement difficult. I hear the door to the room click and turn my head just enough to see Akisame standing there, staring at me with an expression I can't interpret.

"So…" I say with a chuckle, "just how much trouble am I in?"

His expression remains solemn and he walks over to my side. Instead of answering me, he reaches into a drawer beneath my bed and pulls out plaster and bandages. He begins preparing to apply them.

"That bad huh?" I say weakly. My heart begins to race as he closes his eyes briefly. "Is this going to be one of those full-body cast situations? Because I've got to admit…"

"You were lucky," he interrupts in a stern tone. "Only six of your bones were damaged. Four of them have stress fractures. Only two will need a cast - the same two that were broken before. They had not regained their full strength, and gave out under the strain. Your muscles are in much more danger of permanent damage. There are strains and tears throughout much of the tissue."

I swallow around the lump in my throat. It was hard for me to imagine Akisame being angry until now. He still hasn't bothered to put on a shirt and the muscles in his chest stand out in strain. His movements are perfect… too perfect, and tightly controlled.

"I'm really sorry," I whisper.

He simply continues his methodical preparations without looking at me.

"Damnit, at least look at me!" I snap, angry and frightened.

He slaps his palms down hard on the table's surface, making me jump, and brings his face to within an inch of mine. His eyes shine with an intensity that practically makes them glow. His moustache emphasizes the stern set of his mouth. A normal person would shrink back in fear, but I haven't had the feeling I'm a normal person from the first moment I woke up here.

"Do you honestly believe it is easy for me to stand here and treat your injuries like a professional?" he practically growls.

"I don't want a professional!" I spit at him like a child. "I'd like to be treated by a real person, thank you. Not a robot!"

Suddenly he snatches me up against him and his mouth is on mine. His lips drink from mine with an urgency that's breathtaking. He trails kisses across my jaw and I gasp as he drops his head to trail his lips and teeth down my neck. His hands spread wide and strong against my back and I relish the feel of his muscular form pressed against me. Akisame has kissed me before, but never like this – never with enough passion to send my blood pounding through my veins. I wish I could move! I wish I could lock my hands in his hair and wrap myself around him. I try to move my right arm, but a piercing pain tears through my wrist, causing me to whimper slightly before I can help it.

He jerks back from me, the lust cleaning from his eyes as the calculating look returns to see how he's hurt me. He sets me down gently on the table and starts to walk away.

"It's just my wrist," I squeak, wishing I could turn to see him better.

"Was that real enough for you?" he asks in an angry hushed voice. After such heat, his sudden distance sends a chill across my skin.

"Better," I say with a smile, trying to tease him, but he won't turn back to look at me.

"Akisame…" Kensei's voice suddenly cuts into the room, and I nearly jump again at the realization that he must be standing in the doorway watching us. "I can apply her bandages for you if you wish." The perverted chuckle I've come to expect from him is notably absent.

Suddenly, Akisame's entire body transforms and in a fraction of a second he is turned back towards me, facing Kensei with his standard warm smile. You would have to know him very well to see that the chuckle was missing from his eyes.

"Why that sounds like an excellent idea," he says as if nothing in the world is wrong. "That will give you an opportunity to check and see if the joints could benefit from acupuncture before they are inaccessible."

"But Akisame…" I try to object, not wanting him to leave just yet.

"Kensei is more than capable of applying a couple of casts," he replies, cutting me off again. "Let me know when she is ready to return to the dojo Kensei."

"Of course," Kensei mumbles, watching Akisame carefully from under the brim of his wide hat. After Akisame has been gone for some time he finally turns to me and says, "And here I believed you to be nearly as intelligent as Akisame… You are proving to be more and more foolish by the day."

"I don't know what you're talking about," I grumble, closing my eyes to shut him out.

"Yes, you do," he disagrees with narrowed eyes. "You should not push him when he is like this."

Suddenly I feel tiny prickling sensations in my limbs and I realize that Kensei is placing his needles at blinding speed.

"I'm just being honest! I don't see why I should lie to him," I challenge. "I can't stand it when he acts like I'm just some patient. It's even worse when he so obviously angry with me that he won't even speak!"

"He's not angry with you!" Kensei shouts at me in obvious frustration. "He's angry with himself! My God, love truly is blind…"

My thoughts stumble over his words. Love? Who's love? Obviously not Akisame's for me. Is he implying that I'm in love with Akisame?! Desire yes, lust yes… friendship even… but love? Love is a fairy tale for children, not a reality – especially for a nobody, with no past and no memory. I shake off his words.

"Now _you're _being foolish," I fire back. "I'm the one who didn't tell him I got hurt. This is my fault and I know it. I'm just glad I survived."

"You refused to tell him, yes," Kensei proceeds to argue with me, "but that man _is _a doctor whether you appreciate that or not, you foolish girl. He nearly watched you die – we all did – and he knows it's because he missed something. He wasn't as thorough as he normally would have been. If Miu hadn't started screeching her head off and gotten our attention in time, he would have blamed himself."

I can feel the wet plaster being applied around a bag on my leg, but I can't look down to see Kensei's work. I want to argue with him, but my gut tells me he is right and I hate it.

"Even worse," Kensei continues, "he's been left wondering why. He believes you still don't trust him because of the night he brought you back to Ryozanpaku. His instincts to protect you that day led you to mistrust him now."

"That's stupid!" I screech, confused and angry at Kensei. He swiftly rolls me onto my side, and begins placing needles across the muscles in my back. "I know that Akisame wants to protect me. I didn't tell him about it because I didn't think it was a big deal! I didn't want him worrying over something stupid – me being outside Ryozanpaku when he told me not to be."

"Stupid, stupid girl…" Kensei mumbles, pulling the needles from my front side and flipping me onto my stomach in a flash. "Now give me a moment. I need to see which other bone needs casting."

"Probably my wrist…" I mumble.

Kensei pauses, looking back at me over his shoulder. "Is that why you made that small sound of pain?"

"Yes," I admit. "I tried to move my arm. Everything hurts so much I didn't realize it was worse than anything else."

"To push him away?" Kensei asks in a falsely neutral tone. It takes me a moment to realize what he means. When I do, my heart sinks.

"No," I whisper as a tear slides down my cheek. I can't even move my arms to wipe it away. "To hold him closer."


	12. Recovery

As I lay in my bed at Ryozanpaku once again, I stare at the wall in misery. I have been in this bed for a week. My wrist and leg are once again in casts after Kensei completed his needlework. He has been giving me acupuncture treatments twice a day since then, in the places his needles can still reach. I can finally move my limbs on my own, but I am not very mobile. Ryozanpaku has once again settled back into routine with all the masters busily tormenting each other. Akisame has not been distant towards me, but his presence is a far cry from the passion that I glimpsed in his clinic.

"Sachi?" Miu's gentle voice sing-songs through the door, "Are you awake?"

"Yes," I call back in a bored tone, "Come in."

"Oh great." Miu rushes through the door with a big smile, carrying a tray of cookies and a small glass of milk. "Are you feeling any better?"

"A little. Thank you," I struggle to sit up, "You don't have to go to all this effort you know."

"Oh, I know." She sits down on the edge of my bed and brushes my cast on my leg gently with her hand. "But I know what it's like to be stuck in bed like this. I've gotten hurt a couple of times during training, and I felt like I was bored out of my mind."

"Yeah, I'm getting there myself." I take one of the cookies from the tray and dip it in the milk before taking a large bite. The taste of chocolate and cinnamon explode in my mouth, and I can feel my mood instantly lift from this tiny gift. "Does this mean I'm forgiven?"

"Oh, I know you didn't do this on purpose." Miu giggles with her hand over her mouth. "You were just being silly, and trying to keep Akisame from knowing what you've been up to. I've been guilty of that too."

"Well… Everyone else seems to be pretty mad."

"You don't worry about them!" She stands up from the bed and puts her hands on her hips then shakes her finger at me in the air. "They just got scared and don't want to admit it. You should've seen Sakaki pacing the floor. He didn't calm down until long after Akisame came home."

"Well, at least now they can go back to doing whatever it is they do." I mumble into my cookie.

"Speaking of which…" Mu says with a nervous smile, "Akisame hasn't come by to see you today has he?"

"No." I give her a suspicious look. "Should he have?"

"Oh, no." Mu says with a nervous laugh, "It's just… He hasn't been at the clinic today, and I haven't seen him around Ryozanpaku either. I was just wondering if you'd seen him."

"Well, I haven't." My heart gives a little squeeze of disappointment, and my head tells me I should be slapped for it by now. With an apologetic smile, Miu leaves the room.

Great. Now I'm left here wondering what's up. Where would Akisame have run off to? He rarely ever leaves Ryozanpaku, unless he's going to his clinic. He spends almost all of his time training, sculpting, painting, or writing. On very rare occasion I have even heard him sing. Why would she be asking about him? Could he have gotten himself into trouble?

Ugh! It's ridiculous of me to worry. He's probably just out buying watermelon. However, now that she's asked me… I can't stop puzzling over it. Is this the level of boredom I have progressed to? Stuck here in this room, with nothing more than cookies to console myself. Just then I hear the slightest noise in the rafters above me. It is no more sound than the scrape of a butterfly's wings against the air, but it raises my hackles and I glance my eyes to the sky looking for the culprit. I am not surprised to see Shigure lightly poised above me. She realizes that I have seen her, and flips down to hang from the rafters upside down, and look me in the face.

"Have… you seen… Akisame?" She mumbles in her usual broken pattern.

"No…" I drag out with mild annoyance, "I have no idea where he is."

"Hmmmm…" She mumbles.

She doesn't stay for conversation. She merely flips back up in the rafters and leaves the room. She's never been one for lengthy conversation. Now my nerves are even more on edge. Why is everyone looking for Akisame? How long has he been gone? I sit in the room for another couple of hours eating my cookies and drinking my milk. I'm trying not to turn the puzzle over and over. Either they will find Akisame or they won't. He's not exactly someone they should worry about. If he gets himself into trouble, he's more than capable of dealing with it. The heat in the room, the coolness of the milk, and the warm fuzzy feeling I get from the cookies slowly grows to be a bit overwhelming. I can feel it dragging me down into sleep, and I've just about nodded off when Sakaki stomps into the room.

"Hey Sachi, how's it hanging little lady?" He says with a raucous laugh.

His sudden entrance put a slight shock through my senses, but it's not unusual enough to totally pull me from my stupor. I glare at him through half-mast eyelids. "I was almost asleep," I mumble in an aggravated tone. "Why?"

"Nothing." He nervously scratches the back of his head and gives one small chuckle again. "I just wanted to see how you are doing. You've had a pretty rough week."

I can tell he has an ulterior motive. If he were just here to sit and chat with me, he'd have a beer in his hand. He'd be seated on the floor and telling stories, whether I wanted to hear them or not. Instead, he standing – barely even leaning against the wall. He's working really hard to look casual, but not quite succeeding. Sakaki has never struck me as someone that was good at subtle.

"What is it you want to ask me Sakaki?" Although, I have a sick feeling in the pit of my stomach that I already know.

"Hey!" He brings his face and shoulders forward in a defensive stance, obviously offended by my acknowledgment of his ulterior motives. "Can't a guy just stop by to see how you're doin'? You put us through hell. But hey… Now that you mention it… You haven't happened to have seen Akisame wandering around anywhere have you?"

"No, Sakaki," I drawl in an extremely sarcastic tone. "I haven't exactly been doing much wandering around. So I haven't exactly… _seen him_… wandering around either. And no, he hasn't come to see me."

"Hey, hey, don't get your panties in a twist." He shifts back with his hands on his hips and lets out a rough laugh again.

Suddenly, this is more than I can take, and all of my aggravation and worry piles to the forefront.

"Why does everyone keep asking me where Akisame is?!" I shout back at him, ignoring the pain in my wrist when I try to sit up. "I am not his keeper! I am not his mother! Why does everyone in this house think I know where he is? You guys have known him a hell of a lot longer than I have! Shouldn't you have some idea as to what he's up to?!"

"Hey, it's not like that!" He shouts back at me. "It's just… Well…" He rubs the back of his head nervously again, obviously trying to calm down and not yell at me. "Look, I didn't know anybody else it already asked you. I didn't mean to get you mad. I guess everybody else just figures what I figure. Akisame likes spending time with you… So… When I can't find him I check and see if he's with you."

"Well he hasn't exactly been spending much time with me," I spit back with my aggravation dimming slightly. His argument makes sense and I know I shouldn't really be angry with them, but I'm still all roiled up and conflicted when it comes to Akisame. "Not since the stunt I pulled with my foot."

"Oh," he looks confused for a moment. "I guess I hadn't noticed."

Then he simply turns and leaves the room just as quickly as Shigure had. I am now once again by myself, but far from sleepy. If Akisame doesn't show up in the next couple of hours, or if he does show up and nobody bothers to inform me, I think I might strangle someone. He's a grown man for God's sake! He doesn't need a babysitter. He's one of the least troublesome people in this dojo, yet everyone seems to be fretting over him like a small child. Normally, the Masters only fret this much over Kenichi.

To take my mind off the subject, I start doing an exercise I've been trying out over the last few weeks. I clear my mind completely. I envision nothing but blackness all around me. Then I start focusing on the tiniest sound I can hear; the sound of what must be a cricket or another tiny insect busying itself outside my window. Then I reach out to accept in more noises, the noises that fill Ryozanpaku. I can hear Kenichi punching and kicking away at one of the post outside. I hear what must be Miu, sweeping out on the porch steps. I can hear Apachai mumbling his name to himself. I let all of the sounds wash over me as I visualize the tall, grand building that I find myself within. This building is my home. These people are my family. This tiny world is the only thing I know. The only thing I remember.

With that as my frame of reference, I try reaching back further. I press back mentally into the recesses of my mind. I am looking for something, anything, before I woke up to see Akisame's light gray eyes. To try and find anything that would give me a clue of who I am. What does this tattoo on the back of my neck mean? How did I get it, and why does it hold no significance to me now? Yet, no matter how hard I push, all there is, is blackness. It is as if I was born that day. As if I'd never taken a single breath before I woke up in Akisame's clinic.

My eyes snap open and I slam my fist into the wall in frustration. Only after I have done so, do I realize that I've used my bandaged wrist. I start spewing and sputtering curses under my breath as I roll onto my side and try to cradle the wounded arm. I have my eyes squeezed tightly shut against the pain when I hear a faint chuckle at my door.

"You know… That's completely unhelpful." I open my eyes to see Akisame staring at me with an amused grin. My aggravation flares again and instead of screaming at him like I feel like doing, I turn away from him completely, over onto my other side, and face the wall.

"My, my…" He comes over and sits on the edge of my bed brushing my hair back away from my eyes with his fingertips. "I never thought I'd see you angry enough to **_not_** spit fire back at me. I'm not quite sure I deserve that."

"_You_ haven't had all of Ryozanpaku coming to ask you where Akisame is for the last few hours." I grumbled back without turning to look at him. "_You're_ still intelligent enough, and competent enough, to know who you are."

"Intelligence and competence have nothing to do with that, and you know it. Brain injuries are damaged tissue." He runs his hand up and down my arm gently in a gesture of comfort. "Besides, if you're trying to spar with me, it's not going to work. I'm simply in too good a mood."

Now my curiosity is piqued I have the opportunity to find out where on Earth he's been, but I'm suddenly unsure if I want to.

"Have you told the others your home?" I ask instead, turning over to look at him.

"No. I hadn't realized they were looking for me." He smoothes his fingers over his mustache thoughtfully. I haven't quite decided if that means he's lying or not.

"Well Miu, Shigure, and Sakaki have all individually come and asked me where you were. They seem to think I am your keeper."

Akisame throws back his head and laughs. "They're all worse than a bunch of mother hens. I'd simply gone out to do some shopping. I suppose I should have told someone what I was up to."

"Shopping?" I gave him my most incredulous look. He can't be serious. "Shopping put you in a good mood? … What did you buy?" I ask, my curiosity getting the better of me.

"Oh, a bunch of different things," he hedges, pulling a large square of tinfoil from his pockets. "Not the least of which, is chocolate." He tears the tinfoil away to reveal a thick, luscious piece of dark chocolate. He holds it out to me as an offering – a peace offering perhaps.

"Miu has already brought me cookies today. You're all are going to make me fat." I don't hesitate to reach out and break off a small piece of the chocolate and shove it in my mouth appreciatively. I can feel the dark chocolate begin to melt and flow deliciously over my tongue. If this _is_ a peace offering, then I guess I accept.

Akisame's gaze turns suddenly slightly more sensual. He leans in, only a breath away from my face and hesitates – giving me the opportunity to turn away from him. When I don't, he completes the motion and kisses me tenderly on the lips. His tongue drags delightfully over my bottom lip before he pulls back to look into my eyes again.

"I thought so." He mumbles, almost to himself.

"You thought what?" I raise one eyebrow, giving him an inquisitive look.

"I thought you'd taste even better with chocolate."

"Better is a subjective term," I challenge, not wanting him to win me over so easily. I've worked myself into a foul mood before he decided to show up, and I should be allowed to sulk if I want to.

"You can sulk for as long as you like," he replies, seeming to read my mind, "but I am going to enjoy your company anyway. And _better,_ means delicious. Sachi…" He pauses, as if unsure of whether to continue, but sets the chocolate bar down on my nightstand. The indecision on his face makes it impossible for me to keep from smiling.

"Oh…" I mumble, finally giving in, "what is it?"

"May I stay with you tonight?"

The question floors me, and I'm suddenly very happy that I'm mostly lying down. The thought of Akisame's lean, muscled form in my bed makes my heart thunder in my chest.

"Nothing inappropriate of course," he quickly clarifies, dashing my hopes. "Just…" He lies down gently in the bed with me, with his back to the door, and pulls me tightly into his side. He slips his arm beneath my head and levels his beautiful grey eyes to mine. He drapes his other arm around me, and it's suddenly warm, and wonderful, and… hard to breathe. "Just like this."

I close my eyes and focus on breathing. This sensation feels terribly foreign to me. I can understand Akisame's passion when it burns subtly beneath the surface of his suffocating control as he kisses me in the moonlight. I even understand it when it flared to life in the clinic several days ago. I can understand his distance when he pulls away from me. Passion and lust are basic facts of life, like anger and fear. They come and they go. They are indifferent. But this… this is something I feel like I've never felt before. This is comfort. This is shelter from the cold.

He stares into my eyes and it's as if he's pulling away my armor and peering into my very soul. What will he see? Suddenly, I feel like I'm being pulled under water, into… not a memory… but a memory of a feeling. I feel no stronger than a frightened child, cowering before a monster. Alone. Unloved. Terrified. I have the sensation of sickness sliding all over my skin. I feel like screaming, but I have to be silent. So quiet.

"Sachi." Akisame's voice cuts back through the haze to reach me. He's shaking my shoulder slightly, and as I return to the moment, I realize that tears have spilled over my cheeks. "Sachi, if I've upset you I can go." He begins to get up, and I surprise even myself as I cling to his shirtfront with both fists, my wrist screaming in pain.

"No!" I choke, as almost a beg, and he pauses again. I bury my face in his shirt front to hide my tears, and force back a soft sob that I will not allow past my lips. Not now, not ever. I wait until my voice is steady before I say, "Please, Akisame. Don't go. Please stay with me."

He settles himself back against my mattress again, and pulls me tighter against him – careful to avoid my injured limbs. He strokes my back softly, soothingly, as my muscles begin to relax under his gentle hands. The room is beginning to darken by the time he speaks again.

"Did you… remember something?" he inquires cautiously.

"No," I admit honestly. "I'm sorry. I don't know what came over me." My voice sounds false, even to my own ears, but I don't know how to explain what just happened. I saw nothing. I heard nothing. I only felt, and I have no idea the source of a feeling like that, but I definitely don't want to remember it again.

"It's alright, beautiful." He rumbles deeply against my ear. "Sleep now."

He begins to hum, softly. I let myself focus on nothing but the sound of his voice for a long time, and eventually sleep overtakes me.


	13. Strategy

I slept holding Sachi in my arms all through the night. As I awoke the next morning, I relished the feeling of her lean form pressed against me. Her sleep is completely deep and boneless as she lies against me with what one could almost interpret as complete trust. Her auburn hair is tousled but sleek, and her lips have the most adorable pout to them. It is the kind of pout that nearly demands to be kissed, but I resist for the moment to keep from waking her. Instead, I focus on the feeling of her satin skin beneath my hands.

I had only been away from the house for a mere two days and, before returning, decided to try this with her. I knew she would not refuse me, so my task was to decide whether or not to ask in the first place. I knew it was possible that the other masters would start looking for me, but I honestly hadn't expected them to come directly to Sachi. I needed the time to process all that has happened in the last several weeks. Before she arrived I felt as if my life was complete, but now it feels almost as if my entire world has turned upside down.

When Sachi first arrived at Ryozanpaku with no name, no past, and no idea what lay in her future, she had been a temptation to avoid. I felt that I understood the role each of us were to play appropriately: that of doctor and patient. Sachi, however, challenged those roles almost immediately. In the end, I've ended up making allowances to spare her pain and give her comfort while she stayed here at Ryozanpaku. And some of that allowance was due to my own desires for her affections and company, but it has never been my belief that she will stay here indefinitely. At some point, we will identify who she is. If we do not, we are simply not trying hard enough.

Her bout of tetanus shook my resolve once again. I realized as she laid there in my arms, screaming and delirious with fever, that she could die. If she had, my self-imposed philosophies and the roles I forced us into would have been for nothing. Her mysterious life would've been cut short, and neither she or I would have gotten what we truly desired.

All of this left me with a very strange decision to make. Do I continue to keep us in these roles as I have been and face the reality that no matter how hard we try, we may never find out who she truly is? In such a case, all of that time would've been wasted. Or to accept that which she offers? While this option wastes no time, it still opens the potential for more pain. If we are successful in discovering her identity, she could come to find that she regrets the time she spends with me. In the two days that I have spent away from Ryozanpaku, I have decided to move forward with the second option. I no longer feel comfortable wasting this time I have been given.

Sachi's behavior presents an entirely different problem. It concerns me how easily she would give herself away – to me or to anyone she knows so little. I have therefore decided to do something somewhat ridiculous for a man my age, that will likely result in quite a bit of trouble from the other masters. I have decided to woo her. To keep my distance from her physically for a time, and force her to get to know the man I am versus the man she thinks I am. Then, after I feel like she has done so, let her decide where her interests still lie.

As I strolled through our small town shops and venues, I picked up quite the assortment of tools to use in my small endeavor. Sachi is the most beautiful woman I've ever seen, and she has no idea what's in store for her. The thought makes me smile as I run my fingers through her long auburn hair. As I do so in the late hours of the morning, she finally begins to stir. I wonder if she will be honest with me about what she saw yesterday, or if she will choose to keep it inside where it is unseen…

She nuzzles her face against the front of my judo outfit recoiling from the light. She is definitely not a morning person. She flexes, and fusses, and groans unhappily for a long time before eventually lifting her face to look at mine.

"You're already awake?" She asks with mild irritation.

"Of course," I say with a small laugh, "it's nearly 8 o'clock in the morning."

"Oh great. You're one of those awful people that are excited to get up and get going in the morning," she says as she buries her face back in my chest.

"Indeed." Her little nose manages to slip between the two sides of my judo robe and nuzzle against my bare chest, and I fight back the urge to roll her beneath me and kiss her senseless.

"Well that's fine I guess," she says as she starts to get up onto her feet. "I'd better stop keeping you from the rest of your day."

"Did you sleep well?" I ask, again hoping that she will be honest with me about what she saw. Instead, she gives me a look that indicates that either I've grown two heads, or I've suddenly dropped in I.Q. by several points.

"You should know," she challenges me, "I feel like I slept like the dead. I haven't slept like that since… well… since I can remember anyway."

With that she grabs a fresh change of clothes and promptly leaves the room. I feel a strange wave of disappointment wash over me. I had hoped that she would come to trust me again, but even I can admit that is an unreasonable expectation to have in such a short period. After all, it is not that long ago that I betrayed her trust in order to force her return to Ryozanpaku. I sit with my thoughts quietly for several more minutes until Sakaki makes an appearance at Sachi's door.

"So you disappear for two days… leave all the rest of these people here at Ryozanpaku worried sick… and then come back to sleep with the woman you've been avoiding for weeks?" He challenges me with his base voice laced with heavy accusation, "Did something else happened that I'm not aware of old friend?"

"Don't be ridiculous Sakaki," I scold him. "Everyone here at Ryozanpaku is welcome to come and go as they please. Some of us, Shigure for example, leave for weeks at a time without so much as a notice that they will be gone. Just because it is not my regular habit, does not mean that some great tragedy or crisis has occurred. I'm sorry that you were worried for me, but I am more than capable of handling myself."

Sakaki gets a slightly pained look and rubs the back of his neck the way he does when he knows he's been caught. "Hey, wait. I wasn't worried. But you sure freaked the hell out and Kenichi. That kids been worried sick."

"Well Kenichi," I say emphasizing our disciples name with my obvious intent that I know it's not actually Kenichi who was worried, "should learn to trust his master a little better."

"Yeah, I suppose that's true." Sakaki breaks off the top of his beer bottle, despite the early hour, and takes a large swig before proceeding. "So, where've you been anyway?"

"I needed time to think and was not going to gain that from my normal methods," I explain, not because he has a right to know but because I actually wish to enlist his help. "I have decided to woo Sachi."

At my pronouncement, Sakaki promptly chokes on his drink, spews it across the room, and coughs and sputters for several moments. Once he has finally returned to his normal color, he shoots me a very worried glance. "That doesn't… involve anything… weird does it?"

I let out a true full laugh at Sakaki's obvious misinterpretation of my intentions.

"Quite the contrary old friend," I say with a smile to ease his mind. "To woo a woman, is a practice as old as time. It's the delicate art of spending time with them in a manner which will eventually result in gaining their affection. Some cultures would refer to it as courting, or dating, or even seduction – although that is not my ultimate aim."

"What?" Sakaki asks, still thoroughly confused. "What's the point in that? She already said she likes you! Are you honestly saying you still haven't slept with her? I say be a man and get it over with. Then you'll both be a hell of a lot happier."

"Well, I happen to disagree." Sakaki's bull-headed approach to everything never ceases to amaze me. "With this particular woman I believe that's the worst possible thing I could do. Right now, all she wants to do is sleep with a man she finds attractive. While that may be incredibly appealing in the short run, it would leave her unhappy and confused in the long run. I intend to force her to know me first; to make her pay attention to all the little things she ignores. Only then will I give her what she's asking for."

"Wait a minute…" Sakaki says with a rough laugh taking another swig of his beer, "are you telling me you intend to make her fall in love with you? That's crazy talk."

"Do you honestly not think me capable?" I challenge.

"Of course not," Sakaki mumbles with mild irritation, "You're one of the most capable guys I know. And don't get me wrong, I like Sachi, but what makes her so different? Why put yourself through all that trouble?"

"Because truthfully, Sakaki," I say as I turn to leave the room. "If I'm wrong. If she doesn't have some mystery husband out there looking for her. I'm going to keep her."

Something about the way Akisame was this morning has me unsettled. His behavior feels… strange somehow. I can't quite put my finger on it, but I know that something has changed. Something is different. The way he came to me last night – the way he offered me comfort instead of passion, has left me unnerved. I know he's playing at something, but can't for the life of me figure out what it is.

"Oh well," I say scrutinizing my face in the mirror in the upstairs bathroom, "at least he's not running for the hills. He makes a nice body pillow too."

I managed to pull an outfit together yet again from the borrowed items from both Miu and Shigure's closets; which is no minor feat when you compare the extreme contrast between the two. I realize that eventually I will have to buy my own clothes. For now, however, I don't have that option because I have no money of my own. I refuse to ask the people here to buy things for me. It's bad enough that I already eat their food and gain them no additional income. Whether they acknowledge it or not, my very presence here is a burden – a burden that I can't seem to escape.

This thought inspires me to new action. If I'm going to stay at Ryozanpaku, if I'm going to continue to be a burden to these people, I must find a way to make money. There must be something I can do. It would also give me an outlet for all of my frustration. With nothing to do but sit around the house, and help the Masters with various things they like to do as chores or hobbies, I am bored out of my mind at least half the time. I decide to go talk to the Elder. He's the only one whose opinion actually matters. This is his dojo, his house, and in the end, he will make the decision.

With this as my aim, I head off into the house in search of him and am lucky enough to find him in a matter of minutes. He is sitting out the training yard with his back against one of the large trees. I can't actually tell whether he's attempting to meditate, or is just taking advantage of the quietness of the morning. I decide to take the risk and approach him.

"Good morning, Sachi," he says without so much as opening his eyes. "What brings you out to see me this fine morning?"

"How do you always know it's me?" I ask in mild awe.

"The swiftness and softness of your footsteps was always an interesting puzzle for me," he admits, "before we realized your martial arts training. Even then, however, your footsteps are different from the others. Your tread is driven instead of reserved, focused and not quite at peace."

"I suppose that's true," I admit. After all, I have come out to find him for a very specific reason, and did not particularly take my time in getting here. "I've come to ask you for something."

"What is it that you would ask of me young lady?" He opened his eyes and looks directly at me for the first time.

"I wish to work." Short and to the point. No extra frills or explanations.

"Do you mean to ask me for labor to do?" he says holding up one hand, and then holding up the other he continues with, "or do you mean to tell me you wish to make income?"

"Honestly, I wish to make income," I try to explain, "but only so that I could contribute as a resident of Ryozanpaku. I don't want to do it for gain, but only to cover some of my expenses. By living here, I am using up funds which should be dedicated to other residents of Ryozanpaku. You have given me clothes, food, shelter and even used up medical supplies. You should not have to keep doing this."

"That seems like a reasonable request," he says stroking the end of his beard. "What do you have in mind? Is there a particular skill you would like to use?"

"Well…" I say, sitting down beside him in the grass. "I guess I hadn't really thought about it that far. I would like to do something I'm good at, but I'm not sure what that would be. I don't have memories of working in the other jobs. I'm sure I could do something basic like helping people at the grocery store or even waitressing in a restaurant. They can't be that difficult."

"We should discuss this matter with the other residents of Ryozanpaku." He stands to his feet and brushes the grass off of his long green kimono. "Would you have objections to that?"

"I guess not," I say uneasily, knowing Akisame will have objections to me leaving the grounds. His opinions on that have never wavered.

"Wonderful then. I will ask the others to come at once."


	14. Bad Dreams

"Absolutely not," I look Sachi directly in the eyes, trying to will her into seeing reason. She can't be serious! We still have no idea who she is, and who may or may not be hunting her. Yet she wants to parade herself around in the town without anyone else accompanying her.

"Be reasonable, Akisame," she says, sitting in Apachai's lap and banging her fist on his knee in frustration. "You can't keep me locked up in here forever! If I continue to agree to your terms, I'm not a guest at Ryozanpaku, I'm a prisoner!"

The accusation feels like a knife to the gut, and I close my eyes and go completely still to avoid showing it. I sense Shigure drop from the rafters to join us in the seated circle on the dojo floor. She normally ignores these types of conversations, but seems to be interested in matters that concern both Sachi and Kenichi.

"Now hold on just a minute…" Sakaki says standing to his feet in anger from my other side.

"Apa!" Apachai throws his hands over his ears like a small child that doesn't want to hear what Sachi is saying.

"Quiet down everyone," the Elder's voice cuts in as stern as I've ever heard it. "Let Sachi speak. Now, why would you call yourself a prisoner?"

"I don't mean I _am_ a prisoner!" Sachi says taking a deep breath, visibly trying to calm herself and everyone else. She is quiet for several moments before speaking again. "I do not mean to imply that you are trying to keep me prisoner. But I _do_ mean to tell you that I _am_ living like one. My meals are provided for me. My clothes are provided for me. I have a specific room, in a specific building, on a specific set of property that I am allowed to explore to my heart's content. And I appreciate all of that more than I can say. The only thing I do not have is _freedom_. Because of an unnamed fear, and an invisible and maybe even imaginary enemy, I cannot simply live my life as a normal person. We don't even know if I am being looked for. I may not be. How long would you ask me to live like this, before I can be free? Before I can move on with my life?"

I can feel my heart sink at her declaration. She is correct in her assessment. I would never wish that type of life upon myself, but also cannot ignore the potential threat to her. "Are you saying you are no longer happy here with us?" I ask, knowing the answer before she speaks it. She was perfectly content to wake up in my arms this morning… I thought.

"Of course not!" She yells, throwing her hands in the air. "Stop it, Akisame! Stop trying to turn this into something it's not! All I've done, is ask to be able to work. Is that really such a ridiculous request?"

"I am simply trying to clarify your motivation," I counter, "if you truly are still happy here at Ryozanpaku, would it matter where you were working?"

"And what? Ryozanpaku is going to pay me? That's ridiculous. You're already paying for everything else." She looks at the Elder as if pleading him to side with her.

"Actually, there's a completely different alternative you haven't even considered." I turn my eyes towards Kensei, and within moments he understands what I'm implying.

"That's brilliant, Akisame!" Kensei shouts enthusiastically. "That would solve all our problems without all this additional fuss."

"What are you two yammering about?" Sakaki complains.

"I'm simply trying to point out that Sachi could work at the clinic," I explain turning my attention back to her. "Kensei and I have been discussing hiring an assistant for some time. None of us enjoy the paper work and tedium involved with the medical records were required to keep."

"Yes, indeed." Kensei raises his hands toward Sachi as a gesture of peace. "And the money wouldn't be coming from Akisame or myself. You would be paid directly out of the fees we charge customers for our services."

"Will that form of work be acceptable to you?" I ask, whipping out a blank scroll and an ink brush.

"I… I guess so," she says while obviously thinking over my proposal.

"Whew…" Sakaki mumbles, "Good save, Akisame. That saves me a lot of work."

"What do you mean?" Kenichi chimes in to ask. Sachi and Miu look confused as well.

"She… has no… identity." Shigure responds instead. "Sakaki… would have… to create one for her… to work."

"What Shigure mean?" Apachai shouts while waving his hands around wildly. "Sachi is Sachi."

"What she means, Apachai," Kensei clarifies, "is that Sachi has no proof of her identity. Any employer she works for will ask for this. They will ask for standard documentation."

"Yeah, and I can get it," Sakaki mumbles around the beer bottle in his mouth, "but I don't like havin' to. I'd rather not draw extra attention to you with those particular people."

"On the contrary," I agree, "if you work for us, we wouldn't have to take the same steps."

I finish drafting a basic employment contract for Sachi. It explains the standard hours of the clinic, basic rate of pay, and allowances for special circumstances. It also specifies that she isn't permitted to begin work until she has been released by her doctor – myself – as healthy enough for duty. I sign my name to the first line as the employer, and then pass the paper over to Kensei. He signs his own name to the second line as the co-owner, and passes it off to Sachi. She examines the contract I have drafted carefully for a few minutes, and then looks up at me with a rueful smile.

"Do you honestly think you can handle me working for you?" she challenges me. "I will constantly be underfoot you know. Billing questions. Customer concerns. Restocking supplies. And with me living here at the house, you would practically never be rid of me."

The idea is both fascinating and unnerving. I must admit, it has been my desire to have her around more frequently instead of less. However, I also acknowledge that she will be a distraction. I would not simply be able to ignore her as she moved with her fluid graces around me while I worked. It will also be more difficult to keep my distance from her physically, the way I intend. She will be within easy grasp in a moment of desire; especially if I continue to spend my nights in her bed as I would like.

"I think I've proven that I am more than capable of being a professional," I say, smoothing my mustache. "Besides, it will be an opportunity to see what skills you have without risking additional exposure."

That night, I intercept Apachai on his way from Sachi's room. I had to work late at the clinic after a street fighter came in with several broken bones. I am grateful that I can trust this gentle giant with the woman I have come to care so much for.

"Is she resting?" I ask him.

"Yes," Apachai says in his best approximation to a whisper. "Apachai made sure Sachi has everything for sleeping. Shigure is helping Sachi change clothes. She will be ready to sleep with Akisame soon."

"Apachai…" I begin, clearing my throat. I suddenly feel the need to explain my actions. "Sachi and I aren't… well…When you say Sachi and I are sleeping together…"

"Apa! No worry!" Apachai interrupts me, waving his hands about and shaking his head. "Apachai knows Akisame not having sex with Sachi. Akisame is helping Sachi with bad dreams. It makes Apachai very happy."

"Bad dreams?" I ask, with curiosity cutting through my embarrassment. Apachai's room is right next to Sachi's, and there is no room on the other side of hers. If she were having trouble in her sleep, it would be unlikely that anyone else would hear it. It is a miracle that Miu had gone to check on her the night she had the Tetanus fever.

"Yes," Apachai says with a very serious face. "It makes Apachai sad to hear her cry in sleep. Sometimes, Sachi whimpers like tiny kitten. Apa… Sometimes, Sachi rolls around on floor like she is fighting bad men in street. Sometimes…" Apachai stops, suddenly looking unsure of himself. "Sometimes, Sachi talks to people who are not there."

"What does she say to them?" I ask, feeling tension begin to well up in my stomach.

"Apapa…" he mumbles, disressed. Then he shakes his head feverishly and walks into his room to sit on his giant futon. "Akisame does not want to hear those things. Apachai does not want to hear those things."

He claps his hands over his ears again, like he did when Sachi called herself a prisoner. I feel like I suddenly have ice flowing through my veins. Part of me agrees with him. I do not want to know that Sachi is reliving nightmares in her sleep. But any information he may have, could only provide more clues to her identity. She may remember things in dreams that she cannot retrieve consciously.

"Apachai," I plead with him gently, settling myself down on the floor in front of him. "I need you to tell me what you have heard. I will not tell Sachi if you do not want me to. But it could be important. It could help us learn more about her."

"Sachi does not want to learn this," Apachai whispers softly, and much to my shock a tiny tear rolls down his cheek. He closes his eyes for a couple of minutes, and when he looks into mine again, his gentle eyes hold an anger that surprises me yet again. "Apachai does not know who Sachi talks to in dreams. Sachi cries, and asks them to stop hurting her. Sachi begs them not to make her do bad things. If Apachai ever meets them… he will fight them to death for Sachi."

I cannot bring myself to ask him more specifics. I remember my initial fears when I first saw the blood on her legs from the tiny stab wound, the knife wound that had been twisted beside her breast, and the horrible number of bruises and broken bones. I remember my anger at realizing later that someone had stabbed her upper thigh to remove another marking, someone who knew intimately where it was placed. This new information only compounds my fears, and solidifies a rage in me that I have not felt in many years. I think of the other women in our household – young Miu, and Shigure who I named and practically raised myself. If anyone were to bring the type of harm to them that I now fear was brought to Sachi, there is no man in this dojo who would not tear them apart. I say a silent prayer that I never meet anyone from Sachi's past who has harmed her in such a way. Despite my beliefs, I fear I would not be able to hold back that rage.

"It is good that you told me this," I say to Apachai with a voice much calmer than I feel. "It is important to know that someone from her past could be dangerous. I will not tell her what you have told me."

Apachai simply nods, and then lies back on his futon with his hands behind his head. I let myself out, and find my feet walking back to Sachi's room. My brain still wonders if this is a good idea. As I reach the door, Shigure is just stepping out.

"She is… ready for you," she says with a tiny smile.

"Thank you, Shigure," I return her smile. "Have a good night."

"You… too." She says, already walking away.

As I open the door, I see Sachi lying on her bed. She is dressed in one of Shigure's sinfully short, silk kimonos, which shows the full expanse of her legs all the way up to her creamy thighs. Her auburn hair is tossed out behind her, as she fiddles with the end of one of the strands. I feel desire slam into me, and the rage bubble once again in the background. How could someone harm such a beautiful creature? She turns her vivid green eyes to mine, and smiles beckoning me in.

"Hi handsome," she whispers, running her eyes along my form.

"Hello beautiful," I return her greeting, walking to sit down on the edge of her bed. "How was the rest of your day?"

"Boring," she complains. "As usual. You had to work pretty late, huh? Did someone get hurt?"

"I had a street fighter come in in pretty bad shape," I explain. "It took a while to put him back together. Took even longer after I showed him the bill."

She lets out a beautiful laugh. "Do you know what _I _think is ridiculous?" she asks with a smirk.

"What?"

"You spend one night in my bed," she says holding up one finger for emphasis. "One night. And your entire family seems to think this is our new routine." She lets out another burst of laughter. "Apachai said not to worry – that you would be back soon to help me sleep. Shigure seemed to be analyzing what to dress me in for a very, very long time. They think we had sex don't they? Boy… if they only knew you were a saint."

"I am no saint," I say, closing my eyes with a chuckle. "And actually, no they don't think we had sex. They know we haven't."

I feel her hand slip inside my shirt, glide over my nipple and trail seductively down to my waist. I catch her wrist just as it gets below my navel, and open my eyes to give her a stern look. I am already much too aroused to sleep comfortably. My body is telling me I'm brilliant, while my mind screams that I'm insane. I'm never going to be able to keep my hands off her…

"I guess you're right," she says, trailing her tongue over her lower lip. "These walls aren't very sound proof. If you had sex with me, I'm sure everyone in the dojo would be able to hear us. I doubt I could focus on being quiet…"

"You're a tease," I accuse as my groin tightens nearly painfully at the sound of lust in her voice. "Two can play at that game."

I lie myself atop her gently and wrap my arm beneath her. I seize her mouth with my own and pour all the passion I feel for her into my kiss. I can feel the fingers on her good arm thread into my hair and pull gently as her body arcs to press against my own. Her undamaged leg comes up to wrap around my waist on one side, clinging to me. I capture her moan with my kiss as I press my erection to the juncture between her thighs. I trail one of my hands down to grip her bottom tightly, massaging the beauty that I admire so often. Then I trail suckling kisses down her throat and begin to suckle on her collar bone. I have to fight the overwhelming urge to mark her as my own, when I know I do not yet have that right.

"Aa….Akisame…." she whispers, and the sound of my name falling from her kiss-swollen lips nearly undoes me. "Stop torturing me," she breathes.

At her words, I stop immediately. I pull back, giving one more gentle kiss to her beautiful mouth. Then I stand up and straighten my clothes, trying to rearrange them around my furious erection.

"What are you doing?" she says in a daze, sitting up as the lust begins to clear from her eyes.

"You asked me to stop," I reply curtly.

"What?!" she shouts in a whisper. "Stop torturing me doesn't mean stop! It means keep going."

"I'm not going to have sex with you tonight, Sachi," I say in honest frustration. I feel like pulling my hair out, or punching myself in the face at such a declaration, but I cannot alter my course in this. I will not cheapen what I want from her.

"What…?" she whispers, and when I turn to look at her face I feel regret wash through me. "Then… why did you…?" Before I can explain, I see the first tear fall and she snatches the blanket from the end of the bed, covering herself completely and turning to press her face into the wall.

"Sachi," I protest, reaching for her shoulders.

"Go away, Akisame," she pleads, and her broken voice breaks my heart. "You don't have to explain. Please. If you don't want me then just go away."

"Don't want you?" I reply incredulously. "Do you honestly believe I could kiss you like that and not want you? My God, woman I want you so badly it's making me crazy."

"Then why?" she turns back with tears and anger in her eyes. "Why do you always walk away? Why do you always recoil from me like I'm some snake that has bitten you?"

"Because I care for you!" I shout as my anger slips free.

She looks back at me with eyes full of confusion and pain. Then she closes them tightly, trying to reign back in her tears. "I…" she starts, clearing her throat and trying again, "I don't understand. If you care for me, why won't you have sex with me? That makes no sense."

"Because you are not mine to claim," I say with frustration.

"This again?" she spits. "You honestly think I have some husband out there who…"

"No," I correct her. "I believe that less and less by the day. I think you are the most gorgeous woman I have ever laid eyes on. I think you are fiercely intelligent. There are times when I desire you so badly that it is literally physically painful – like it is now." Her look shifts to show slight guilt as her eyes stray to the erection it is now impossible for me to hide. "But no man has a right to claim a woman simply because he desires her. Not when she trusts him. Not when he truly cares for her and they have an established relationship. What is it that you expect to get out of sex with me?"

"How can you kiss me like that and still ask me that question?" she says in true confusion. "When you touch me… it's… it's wonderful. For me…"

I take a deep breath, trying to steady myself. I did not anticipate trying to explain this to her so soon, but I once again underestimated the strength of her desire.

"I need to ask you a very important question, Sachi," I say, looking directly into her eyes. "Can you remember making love to anyone?"

She looks like she wants to protest, but simply sits there with her mouth hanging open. Finally, she says, "No. Of course not. I don't remember anything before I arrived here. But just because I can't remember it doesn't make me a virgin or anything."

"I'm not saying it does," I agree, "What I am saying is that _I remember_. I remember what it is like to have sex with a stranger. I remember what it is like to have sex with a friend. Sex with a stranger is shallow and cheap. It feels great in the moment, and if you're lucky, leaves you with nothing at all. Sex with a friend can be beautiful, but it can also be painful. It can leave you hollow, or make what was once wonderful become uncomfortable. It can ruin relationships. You and I are very close friends Sachi. I value that relationship much too much to throw away."

She looks as if she is trying to solve a puzzle with nothing on the opposite end of the equal sign. "What are you saying?" she asks. "Are you telling me you're never going to have sex again? Please tell me you're not like a male nun or something… That's just criminal."

Her conclusion brings me up short, and I can't help but laugh out loud. She quickly slams her hand over my mouth, trying to keep me from waking the entire dojo.

"I'm saying that I'm not going to have sex with you." I say, taking her hand in mine. "I want to be your friend Sachi. I want to hold you when you need holding. I want to tease you when you need to laugh. I want to help you remember who you are, and show you who I really am. I want to protect you. And I do not want to take your body for myself unless we are making love, not just having sex."

Her eyes nearly double in size at my last statement.

"Make… love?" she mumbles.

"Yes, beautiful," I say with a shiver of lust running up my spine, "If the time came that we could honestly both say we loved one another, I would make love to you."

This is the point at which I expect her to declare that she loves me, despite how little we know each other. This is what I expect to be the hardest battle. It takes me by complete surprise when she quietly declares, "Then I will never know how high your passion soars. That will be hard for me, but I will not pressure you anymore. I didn't understand that you felt that way, and I have no right to criticize it. I apologize."

"Are you…" I clear my throat, trying to keep my hand from shaking. "Are you saying you could never love me?"

She looks up into my eyes again with a sad smile. "I am saying we believe very different things," she continues. "I don't believe in love. Love is a beautiful idea, a story we tell our children to give them hope. It's a false hope. In the end, you may care for someone very much – but we are all selfish creatures. Desire, passion, and lust are facts of life. They urge us to join together, to reproduce and care for the next generation. Believing in love can break a person, when that love dies, and they realize it was never real to begin with."

"That's a terrible philosophy," I say with pain in my chest. "What happened to make you believe such a thing?"

"I can't remember anymore," she mumbles, "but I know it is true. Akisame… are you still willing to… be my friend?"

"Of course, darling," I say, burying my disappointment deep. "Would you like to sleep now?"

"I don't want to make it harder for you," she says, shifting away slightly.

"Nonsense," I reply. "I slept with you yesterday. I enjoy just holding you, especially if you need to be held. You would let a friend hold you, right?"

"Yes," she whispers as another tear falls from her eye. "Hold me, Akisame."

I scoop her up into my arms, and lie her down against the futon. I tuck her gently into my side, careful of her injured arm and leg. She curls up on my chest and for a long time I can feel her tears splash onto my skin. Finally, I can hear her breathing change, signaling her transition into deep sleep. I think about her words to me – how she could have come to believe the world was so cruel as to exist without love. I decide there is no way to fix that solution easily. The only option is to continue on my course, to convince her otherwise through time. I listen to her breathing, and eventually let sleep overtake me with Sachi tucked safely in my arms.


	15. Grief

The next morning I awake to Akisame's hands gently stroking my back. He is humming softly, and the sound reverberates through his chest and under my cheek. I nuzzle my face against the bare skin of his chest where his judo outfit lies slightly open. His hands pause their gentle caress and I breathe in deeply, relishing the smell of him. He smells like a curious combination of incense and musk. I realize through my foggy morning consciousness that I'm beginning to associate that smell with comfort.

"Good morning, beautiful," he says in his deep, sexy morning voice.

"Mornings by definition," I grouch, "are not a good thing."

"I disagree," he says with a chuckle. "The last couple of mornings have been particularly pleasant."

"It's not the time of day," I argue. "It's the company."

"I suppose that's true," he says as he gives me a gentle squeeze. "Did you sleep well?"

"Yes actually," I say, puzzling over how to explain it. "You know, if you had asked me before… I wouldn't have told you I had trouble sleeping. But now… waking up like I did yesterday, and this morning, I would swear I haven't slept this well in years."

"Maybe Apachai is right," he says with a smirk. "Maybe I'm your talisman against bad dreams."

I let out a laugh, thinking about the seriousness on Apachai's face as he told me Akisame would help me sleep. I had believed it to be some kind of silly innuendo at the time, but knowing Apachai that seems unlikely. The thought that Apachai sees Akisame as some kind of humanized form of medication makes me laugh even harder.

"What's so funny?" Akisame asks, confused.

"You should've seen Apachai's face," I try to explain. "I didn't get it at the time, but he seems to think you're like my human sleeping pill."

"Well," he says, kissing the top of my head gently, "You'll have to make sure to take your medicine every night. That is… If you'll still have me."

I think about what he is saying to me and my heart gives a painful squeeze in my chest. I did not realize until last night that Akisame wants something from me that I simply cannot give. I desire him more than anyone. I appreciate all his family has done for me, and care about what happens to all of them. But I cannot tell Akisame that I love him. It would be wrong to confess something that I do not believe in.

"Akisame…" I say, sitting up with my good arm to look at him and his moonlight eyes, "I do not want to lead you on. I cannot give you what you want, and…"

"Nonsense," he says, putting a finger to my lips. "You've told me what you believe. It surprises me, but I can accept that. I can hold you in my arms. I can enjoy your company, without demanding more from you. My question is, can you?"

I consider his words carefully for a long time, asking myself the very same question. My desire for Akisame can range from a mild longing in the back of my thoughts to near suffocating at times. It will be difficult to be near him, and know that I can never truly have him. But that desire is never absent, even when I am not with him. How much more difficult will it be to not have him at all? If I continue to push him the way I have been, I will drive him away. Can I lie in his arms night after night, and take comfort in his presence without demanding more?

"Yes," I finally decide. "I would rather have you with me, then be alone."

"Then I will stay for as long as you'll have me."

Akisame and Kensei have gone to their clinic, and I sit on the porch of Ryozanpaku staring out into the training yard. Miu and Kenichi are off at school. Shigure left this morning, and Akisame simply told me she is searching for something. She is likely to be gone for several days. Apachai is off at the park, playing with the children. He invited me to go with him, but I elected to stay; knowing Akisame would prefer me to continue to lie low. It is strange to hear such steady quiet in Ryozanpaku. It's as if all the life has been drained away. Or, perhaps it's just my mood.

"Hey there, little woman," Sakaki says as he sits down next to me.

He pops open a beer and leans against a post on the porch facing me. It seems he actually is here to visit with me this afternoon. Sakaki is a brute, a hulk of a man. With his sheer size, and the prominent scar across his face, he's imposing in the best of times. It never ceases to amaze me how quietly he can approach someone. It also amuses me that beneath it all, he's really a big softy.

"Hi Sakaki," I say with a smile. "I almost thought I was all alone."

"Is that why you're sitting here looking like somebody ran over your cat?" He asks me, taking a swig of his beer.

"I don't have a cat," I try to joke, "but that's probably a good thing. If I did, it would definitely have been run over by now." It's a poor attempt at humor and I know my smile doesn't reach my eyes.

Sakaki, bless his heart, lets out a raucous laugh anyway.

"Come on, sweetheart" he says, nudging my shoulder with his fist. "What's got you so down?"

"It's nothing," I say, turning my eyes away again into the training yard.

I feel Sakaki's massive callused hand gently cup the side of my face and turn it, forcing me to look back at him again. "I'm not as dumb as I look, you know."

"It's… awkward," I hedge. "You wouldn't want to know."

"Let me guess," he says leaning back against the post again. "Akisame's a fool, and turned you down again?"

"Yes," I admit, wrapping my arms tightly around myself. "But I can handle that."

"Then dammit, woman," he says in frustration, "What's wrong?"

"I'm just disappointed. That's all." I know he won't stop asking until I give him a better explanation. Sakaki's the biggest worrywart in the family. "I just didn't realize, until last night, that I can _never_ have him."

Sakaki looks at me as if I've completely lost my mind. Either that, or the universe has turned upside down. "Who the hell told you that?!"

"He did."

Sakaki turns away, scratching the back of his head. He stares at the ground as if it will somehow give him the answers. Finally, he closes his eyes and quietly asks, "Did he say why?"

"He wants something I cannot give," I state matter-of-factly. "He wants me to love him."

I can feel tears threatening in my eyes, so I tilt my head back to drain them down my tear ducts. When I turned to look back at Sakaki, he is staring at me in blatant shock. His eyes are as big as saucers, and his mouth is hanging open. He shakes his head as if to clear it and asks, "Did he tell you that?"

"Yes," I admit. "I have a nasty habit of pushing him too far. He said my friendship was important to him; too important to mess up. He said he would not have sex with me, unless we were making love."

"Well, hell sweetheart," Sakaki says with a choked laugh. "Then what's the big deal?! You guys sure seem headed that direction to me. What's all this never shit?"

"Love is not real, Sakaki," I retort. "Surely you've lived long enough to know that by now. I will not lie to him. I will not tell him I feel something that is a blatant lie."

"You can't be serious," he looks at me with a face full of doubt, but as I continue to look him in the eye – not bothering to hide the pain in my heart – his expression changes. It shifts from incredulous to pained. "What happened to you, sweetheart?"

"Pfttt…" I snort. "Like I would remember."

I let out a bitter laugh. Sakaki downs the entire rest of his beer in one long draw and then stares at the empty bottle for a long time.

"You're a really smart girl," he mumbles, "but on this one you're wrong. I've been around a long time now. Not as long as some, but long enough. Love is very real. Sometimes it hits you out of nowhere, and sometimes it grows while you're not looking. Sometimes it's a once in a lifetime thing, and sometimes it's more than one person. Hell, I've been in love myself. I think it's just not what you think it is."

"I'm sorry, Sakaki," I say, still trying to drain my tears down my tear ducts. "I can't believe that. And I won't lie to him – not about something that important."

"Hell, I'm not asking you too," he says solemnly. "Akisame's a good guy, and a great friend. He deserves an amazing woman, but more than anything he needs friends he can trust."

Eventually, I lose the battle with my tears. They start to spill down my face, so I turn it away from him again. I know tears make him uncomfortable, especially coming from a woman.

"Would you stop that…" he says, grabbing my face gently again. When he turns it back, I choke back a sob and slam my hand over my mouth to muffle it. My body begins to shake. "Aww hell, sweetheart," he says with a pained expression. "Come here."

He picks me up with one arm and sets me in his lap, pulling me tight against his chest. He enfolds his massive arms around me and begins to rock softly. The strange feeling I got the first time Akisame held me like this suddenly surfaces again. Desperation… terror… loneliness… pain. So much pain. I begin to lose control of my sobs and they progress nearly into screams as I grip onto the front of his jacket. I can feel time passing as I cry, but I can't tell how much. The sun has progressed considerably in the sky before my sobs finally subside to gentle sniffs.

"I'm so sorry, Sakaki," I finally mumble into his tear-soaked, bare chest. "I don't… I don't know what came over me."

"Uh…" his voice sounds rough and he tries to clear it before continuing. He still clutches me tight to his chest, like someone might snatch me and run off at any given moment. "S'okay, hun. It uh… seems like that was a while overdue. Just uh… This will just be our little secret alright?"

"Thank you, Sakaki," I whisper.

I feel almost guilty as I stand and watch my friend cradle my would-be-lover in his arms. I was headed back from the clinic to check on her when I saw them talking. She looked so sad that it gave me pause, but now… hearing her screams and sobs has chilled me to the bone. This is much bigger than me. This is part of what I saw in her eyes the first time I held her like Sakaki is now. _What is she remembering? What nightmares lurk beneath the surface? _A desperation claws at me to know the answers to these questions.

"The more I observe her," the Elder's voice suddenly comes from beside me, "the more I am convinced that her past is very dark indeed. To be so wounded that you no longer believe in love itself… I fear this is a wound too great for even your healing, old friend."

"I have to try," I reply with a heavy heart.

"Is it the need to heal that compels you?" he asks, stroking his blond beard.

"No," I admit. "It has progressed far beyond that now. I am in love with her. I'm not sure exactly when it happened, but I have been for some time."

"Indeed," he says with a gentle nod. "If I were to wager a guess, I would say it grew slowly in the shadows. But I saw it burst into bloom in your eyes when you held her in the water that first day. When you realized she was slipping away from you. What will you do if your plan fails?"

"I honestly don't know." I admit, wishing for all the world that Sakaki's arms in this moment were my own. "If that happens, ask me again – because I honestly don't know."


	16. New Job

Over the next several weeks, Akisame and I settle into a relatively normal routine. Most days he works at the clinic, and I entertain myself by getting Apachai or Sakaki to carry me around the house. I try to help Miu out with what housework I can, but I'm extremely limited by my reduced mobility. When Akisame comes home, he and I interact with the family very much like we used to. He is still openly affectionate towards me. He will kiss me, stand with his arm around my waist, or even hold my hand. I have grown completely accustomed to him sleeping in my bed. At times, the sexual tension can be nearly maddening, but the comfort he brings me far outweighs any discomfort.

Today, Akisame has finally cleared me for work. My bones have healed again, and my casts of been removed. I walk with Akisame to the clinic at the horrid time of 6 o'clock in the morning. I am both sleepy and grouchy, but beneath it all, somewhat excited about the opportunity to do something new. I have spent lots of time in Akisame's clinic already. I am well acquainted with the clean tables, neat cabinets, and pristine condition of all the patient rooms. However, my first step into Akisame's private office leaves me in a mild state of shock.

He wasn't kidding. This is an unholy mess. There are papers practically stacked to the ceiling in every corner of the room. Medical books on every surface, open to random pages of information. Beneath another mountain of paperwork, I assume there must be a desk. In the middle of it, is a tiny digital tape recorder. There is also a little pile of what must be memory chips next to the recorder, trailing off onto the floor. I don't know how the man finds anything in here! A feeling of dread settles into my stomach as I turn towards Kensei's office.

When I open the door, that dread solidifies as I'm greeted by nearly the same scene. The main difference I see between the two, is that while Akisame's office is littered with what appeared to be random bits of x-ray film and strange mechanical devices, Kensei's office is riddled with needles and erotic magazines. Then I notice something else. On one side of Kensei's office, the entire wall is covered with bottles of fluid in different colors. I try to fight my way through the paperwork to get close to that side of the room. When I reach it, I find all sorts of concoctions and potions of various types. They appear to be massage oils and therapeutic medicines. They don't appear to have been touched in quite some time. The layer of dust and grime is disgusting.

"Well, I guess I asked for it." I mumbled to myself and roll up my sleeves.

I decide to start with Kensei's office, so it doesn't seem quite so much like I'm showing favoritism to Akisame. It takes me nearly half the day scanning, sorting, and organizing paperwork simply to get to the cabinet I need to put them in. I realize when I reach the file cabinet that I'm not sure how to organize the paperwork when I put it away. Everything I read seems completely foreign, so I feel fairly confident that I've never worked in a medical office before. I decide that I must ask Kensei what his preferences are before I proceed any further. I arm myself with a pen and small pad of paper I found amidst the mess, and then head out the door in search of him.

I head down the short hallway to the primary treatment room. I can hear both Akisame and Kensei carrying on a conversation before I've even entered the door. I decide to peek inside the small window to make sure they're not currently with a patient before I barge in. Akisame is standing with his back leaning against the door frame on the wall opposite my current viewpoint. He has his face tilted towards the floor and his eyes closed as if listening. Kensei is across the room from him organizing his instruments. There doesn't appear to be anyone else I should worry about.

"Please tell me you're joking…" I hear Kensei sneer at Akisame.

"I'm being completely serious," Akisame replies with a gentle smile. "I didn't come to this decision lightly. I gave it quite a bit of thought."

I suddenly worry that I'm in danger of overhearing something I am not meant to. I don't want to give them the impression that I'm eavesdropping. I worked so hard to get any job at all. So, I start to enter the room.

"Of course I think it was a brilliant idea to…" Kensei's voice suddenly trails off as both men note my entry.

"I apologize for the interruption," I say with a slight bow. Akisame scrutinizes my face, obviously attempting to deduce what I've overheard. "But I realize I need additional information before I can proceed with the cleanup in the offices. I'm not sure how you want me to file anything in there."

"Of course, how foolish of us." Akisame replies with a chuckle. He has apparently decided that I haven't overheard anything important. I agree with him. "What information do you need Sachi?"

"I'm not sure what organizational structure you'd like me to use," I explain.

"My dear," Kensei says while snapping a photo of me with my pad and paper. "Most of the paperwork in there will be patient records. I cannot speak for Akisame, but I would prefer you to organize the files by patient name. That's how I will look for them later."

"Yes, I agree," Akisame confirms. "It would probably be easiest to start by creating a file for each individual person. You can organize within each person's file at a later time, and come up with a system that works for both Kensei and I. That way when we treat the same patient, will have some idea what we're looking at without even having to speak to one another."

"Thank you," I say with a warm smile to both of them. "That should be enough clarification for me to at least get started. If I have questions on any of the forms, or I can't decide who a particular paper relates to, I will simply set them aside to ask you about later."

With that, I turn to head back in to Kensei's office to assault the monster.

"That's it?" Kensei's nasal and surprised voice catches me by surprise. "No screeching? No shouting?"

I am utterly confused, and it must show on my face. I am suddenly worried that I have done something wrong… obviously not what he expected. Akisame starts laughing.

"Was I…?" I stutter. "Did you… did I do something wrong?" Akisame begins to laugh hard enough now to have to hold his sides. Kensei looks angry.

"Wrong?!" he shouts. "You haven't even complained you stupid girl!"

"You see my dear," Akisame moves to explain, looking up with a huge smile shining in his moonlight eyes. I am almost too distracted to hear his words. I am struck again by how handsome he is when he laughs. "Kensei and I had a little private bet going, and you've just made me a little richer."

This idea pleases me. Something he sees in my eyes cause his expression to shift ever so slightly – turning darker. "Okay then, what was the bet about?" I ask.

"Kensei believed whole-heartedly that you would try to kill at least one of us when you saw the state the offices were in," he explains, beginning to move towards me. "We're not complete fools. We know it's a world-class mess."

"I can't believe you just stood there and so sweetly slit my throat!" Kensei grumbles with a face full of frustration from under his wide-brimmed hat. "What happened to all that fire and brimstone we've seen so much of?"

Akisame has now circled me, slowly reaching an arm out to snake around my waste. "Blame it on being old bachelors I suppose…" He leans in close to whisper in my ear, and I can feel the warmth of his breath on my neck. He has my undivided attention as I watch him from the corner of my eye. "You see… Kensei believed you would be furious. That you would call us on our trick and storm out the door. After at least trying to hurt us a little." I am barely following his train of thought as I feel his lips brush so lightly beneath my ear that I almost feel as if I imagined it. I can feel a shudder of delight run up my spine and the faint tell-tale tightening of my lower belly in response. Oh my God, I want him so badly. "I, however, had much more faith in you. So, naturally, we made a bet. Kensei just lost."

The mention of Kensei's name brings me out of my stupor slightly, but I still feel slightly unfocused and can only manage a simple, girlish, "Oh… Sorry?" I shake my head to clear it as Akisame steps away again. "How much did you lose?"

When I turn my attention back to Kensei fully, his face wears an open look of surprise. I assume this must still be due to my mild manners, but I feel grateful for the task – not angry.

"A candlelight dinner…" Kensei mumbles, glancing back to give Akisame a hard look.

His response makes no sense at all, but I decide to let the issue drop. It's not really my business how they entertain themselves anyway. That thought causes my thoughts to stray darkly and I can briefly almost feel Akisame's lips on my skin again. I remember the feeling of his teeth grazing my neck when his passion soared free at the clinic after I was sick. I remember the feeling of his erection pressing against me as I moaned into his mouth the night I found out I couldn't have him. I remember his hands on my body, stirring a fire in my blood. I glance at him out of the corner of my eye quickly, but he's gone back to his previous posture against the door frame again. He looks so peaceful and serene. I feel like a hot mess.

I spin on my heel and with a quick huff I dismiss them both with, "Well, I really need to get back to work if you ever want to find anything again. I started with your office Kensei. I'll just leave the dirty magazines in a pile for you by your desk. I assume you have one."

Kensei sits down in a surprised huff on the stool we use to glide around the floor and treat patients, while our beautiful secretary leaves nothing but dust in her wake. I'm lucky she didn't catch the earlier portion of our conversation. I'll have to be more careful in the future. I am thrilled, however, with her response to my little game. She could be faking… but she seemed driven to distraction by my subtle caress.

"How soon could you call in that favor?" I ask him, referring to his bet.

Kensei knows someone who can get him a table at one of the best restaurants in our little town. It will mean risking exposure for her, but as long as I am with her I won't have to worry about her safety. Despite our little disagreement in the training yard before, Sachi has never truly seen me in battle. I can defend both of us easily enough, and everyone at Ryozanpaku will know where we are.

"Are you sure you need to go to all this trouble?" Kensei asks me. "She seems… quite taken with you already. Not just like before… she has always pushed you – challenged you. But this time something was different. That look in her eyes…"

"Attraction is not my goal Kensei," I explain yet again. "I do not simply want a toy to play with and throw away. I want Sachi herself: body, spirit, and soul. The table?"

"Yes, yes, rub it in why don't you," he spits. "I can have the table in less than three days time."

"See that you do," I say with a laugh. "I'm going to need it."


	17. Dinner

It's been two days since I started working at the clinic, and I'm thrilled with the progress I've made so far. I've managed to make it about halfway through the paperwork in Kensei's office. I have actually managed to find his desk, and have gotten the rest of the room mostly organized, focusing on one major project at a time. The sheer volume of the paperwork has started to get to me, so today I decided to tackle the wall of massage oils and potions.

I've managed to pull together some outfits that will not get ruined by my cleaning efforts. They're not quite appropriate for an office environment, so I've done everything I can to avoid contact with patients. The one exception is Takeda, who has already seen me in my most casual state. It never ceases to amaze me how much the boy practically worships the ground Akisame walks on. This only seems to have increased since he learned that Akisame and I are close. Today I have on a plain black T-shirt I actually borrowed from Kenichi. He's a little scrawny, so it's a little tight on me, but I won't have to worry about it getting dirty. I've paired it with my little black running shorts, in an effort to stay cool in the stuffy office.

Today has been a relatively slow day at the clinic. Takeda is the last patient expected for the day, but his appointment isn't for another 30 minutes. I decide to head for the main treatment room in search of more cleaning supplies. When I arrive, the room is empty and I head straight for the cabinet. Unfortunately, I've been going through cleaning supplies fast enough that what I need is well over my head. I glance around the room, trying to find something to stand on. The only thing available is the stool Akisame and Kensei use during appointments. I wheel it over to the cabinet, carefully step up onto it, and can just barely see the last container of cleaning wipes. It's all the way on the back of the shelf, so I have to stand up on my tip toes in an effort to reach it.

I've almost got ahold of the carton with the tips of my fingers when the stool suddenly flies out from beneath me. I let out a small shriek as I start to fall. Instead of hitting the ground, I've find myself caught in a pair of strong arms, accompanied by a grunt. I open my eyes expecting to see Akisame and instead find Takeda looking down at me with his flashy smile.

"Hey there, gorgeous," Takeda says with a wide grin, "you should be more careful. You're lucky I've got two working arms again."

Yes," Akisame's deep voice cuts in from behind us. "I swear I've never met another woman with such an extreme talent for getting herself into trouble."

Takeda turns us to face Akisame. He is standing with his arms crossed over his chest, and an obvious look of displeasure on his face. He walks over to us and lifts me gently out of Takeda's arms. I give him a sheepish smile and his eyes soften ever so slightly.

"She was trying to reach something up there by standing on that stool," Takeda says with a small chuckle. "Lucky I got here early."

"Sorry," I mumble, giving Takeda a smile as well.

"That's right. If you'll excuse me for a moment, Takeda, I'm going to return our secretary to Kensei's office." Akisame says.

"Hey, no problem," Takeda says with a shrug, "you be more careful sweetheart."

Akisame shifts my full weight into one arm and reaches into the cabinet to grab the wipes that I couldn't reach myself. He then heads through the door of the treatment room with me in his arms, and back towards Kensei's office.

"Akisame, this isn't necessary," I protest. "I'm not hurt. I can walk on my own."

"I realize that," he says with a smile, "humor me."

I reach up to wrap my arms around his neck, and relish the feeling of his arms around me. I have to admit, no matter how much I remind myself that he's my friend, and my friend only, he still damn sexy. Also, after having these broken bones for the last several weeks, I've gotten relatively used to big guys just picking me up and tossing me around. I swear, if there was some kind of Olympic sport for tossing human beings around, the men at Ryozanpaku would dominate.

As Akisame shoulders the door to Kensei's office open, I am pleased to see a look of surprise upon his face. Neither of them have bothered to come look at my progress over the last couple of days. He doesn't bother to set me on the ground – just continues to hold me in his arms bridal style and observe the room.

"My, my" Akisame says giving me a big grin, "you have certainly been busy in here."

"Well of course," I retort. "That's what you're paying me for isn't it?"

"Well yes," he agrees with a chuckle, "but I honestly didn't expect to see this much progress so quickly. I can actually see the floor."

"Don't get too excited," I warn him. "Just because it's starting to look like a room, doesn't mean I'm anywhere near done. It's going to take me at least another week to even get patient files going. The patient files are over here," I say pointing with my finger, "invoices, billing statements, and receipts are over there, needlework supplies are in the back corner, there's the magical wall of hocus-pocus," I continue pointing to the wall of potions and medicines, "and all the erotic magazines by the desk. Like I promised."

"The magical wall of hocus-pocus?" He asks with a smirk.

"Mmmm Hmmm," I respond. "I know what they are, but I think the name 'Magical Wall of Hocus-Pocus' sounds better. I've also learned something rather interesting about Kensei."

"Oh? And what is that?" He asks, glancing around the room.

"He seems to have very wide variety in his taste for women," I explain.

Akisame closes his eyes and lets out a warm laugh which lights up his entire face. I love making him laugh. If I could, I would spend the rest of my life making Akisame laugh every day.

"And how did you discover that?" He chokes out through his laughter. "By cleaning his office? Or do you and Kensei have a relationship I don't know about?"

He quirks one of his jagged eyebrows at me in mock suspicion. This makes me laugh.

"In Kensei's dreams!" I giggle, and then motion over towards Kensei's desk with my head. "Actually, his ever-increasing collection of erotic magazines tells the whole tale."

Akisame looks back at me with an expression of complete curiosity.

"You see," I try to explain, "I think most men have a distinct preference. If you looked at their magazines, you would see a pattern. You would see blondes, brunettes, redheads, or women with a very specific nose. You would see all Asian, or American, or even Russian. Or perhaps, you might even realize they're all a very specific body type like: large women, or stick figures, or women with unusually large breasts. As far as I can tell, Kensei has no preference. He seems to want erotic magazines of all of them. So I've concluded that either he finds all women beautiful, or there's another more subtle pattern I haven't picked up on yet."

Akisame's jagged eyebrow is now raised nearly to his hairline. "Just how much time have you spent looking at Kensei's magazines?"

"Oh, not much," I say leaning back in his arms and pointing my toes. "I just peek at them when I get bored because no one comes to visit me."

Akisame closes his eyes briefly, and I can feel a shudder ran through him as he holds me. He walks over and sets me lightly on the edge of Kensei's desk and steps, ever so subtly, between my knees. Keeping one arm around me, he leans in close until he's just a breath away from my lips. He looks into my eyes with a hooded gaze, and then closes the distance.

He begins to kiss me so gently, and so thoroughly, that I can feel the heat pool between my legs. He calls my tongue out to dance with his, and pauses a couple of times to catch my lower lip between his teeth. It's moments like this when I feel the most confused. My chest aches because I cannot give him what he wants, but my body is on fire everywhere that he touches. I gasp and catch my breath, throwing my head back as he trails fiery kisses down my throat. Then he trails his tongue back up the side of my neck and nips the bottom of my earlobe with his teeth.

"I have a question for you Sachi," he growls into my ear in a deep, lust-filled tone.

"What?" I mumble, my thoughts scattered as he continues to trail kisses down my jaw.

"I need to know if you will do something for me," he rumbles again.

_Anything!_ My mind screams. _Give him what he wants! Anything! _But all my mouth can manage is a whimpered, "What is it?"

Akisame turns my head back to him, and steals another deep, passion-filled kiss. He starts to pull away, but I thread my fingers into his hair and hold him there longer in retribution. He knows what he is doing. He knows he's setting me on fire. Eventually, I let them pull back again and he trails his lips once again to my ear.

"I want you to go to dinner with me tonight," he whispers.

_What?_ _Akisame wants to take me to dinner? As in, outside Ryozanpaku? Does he mean just the two of us? Why would he do that? _I open my eyes and the haze of lust begins to lift ever-so-gently from my brain. But he responds, threading one hand through my hair now and drawing me in for another heady kiss. His other arm draws my body more tightly against his chest. I can feel the hard planes of his abdomen beneath my hand.

"Say you'll go with me," he breaks away to nearly growl. "Say yes."

_Yes! _My mind screams again, and my body screams with it. _Anything!_

"Yes!" I choke out with entirely too much enthusiasm. "Yes, I will go with you."

I can feel a chuckle rumble through his chest as he comes back to kiss me yet again, and squeezes his arm against my lower back. Finally, I cannot take it anymore, and I begin to slip one of my hands inside the front of his judo outfit. Just as I'm about to rip the garment off by force, the tiniest portion of my brain – still battling for awareness in my surroundings – registers the squeak of an opening door.

"Hey Doc? Did you forget I was… Oh shit!" Takeda shouts.

I break away from Akisame's kiss and turn to see him spinning on his heel and heading right back out the door.

"Oh my God, Akisame!" I scold him in a whisper. "I completely forgot Takeda!"

"Give me just a moment!" Akisame shouts a little too calmly to him through the closed door.

"No!" Takeda shouts back. "No, no! You just… I mean… Take all the time you need, Doc. I'll just be… back here."

"It's alright," Akisame insists, standing to straighten his judo outfit. "I'm coming."

"Jesus!" Takeda shouts again, and I slam my hand over my mouth trying to prevent the laugh at the obvious innuendo. "Really Doc! It's okay! I'll just be back in my room…" Takeda's voice trails off giving every indication that he's running the opposite direction.

I glance back at Akisame again, and his clothes are once again nice and neat. I look down at my own disheveled appearance, and my body reminds me again of the heat pooling between my legs, and my cheeks burn red-hot with embarrassment. I cast my eyes to the floor, but Akisame swiftly puts his finger under my chin and lifts them back up to him again.

"Now, now beautiful," he says in a voice as calm and smooth as the ocean, "There is no need to be embarrassed. We are both adults. I'll go take care of Takeda, and finish up his appointment. You just remember that promise you made me."

And just like that, he gives me a quick peck on the nose and saunters out the door.

_Huh? _I can't even remember what he's talking about. _What did I promise?_


	18. The Shadow

That evening, after I finish my work at the clinic, I simply return home early without waiting for Akisame to escort me. I am still stewing over his little trick. It left me aching and now I'm irritated. I'm also frustrated that he ensnared me so easily. He's kept-up such a careful level of affection over the last weeks that his sudden assault of sexual sensation completely caught me off guard. When I arrive back at Ryozanpaku, I kick off my shoes at the door and head straight for my room.

"Hey, sweetheart," Sakaki shouts as I storm past him, and climb the rope to the upstairs. "You okay?"

"Sure," I reply, not wanting to bite his head off needlessly.

"Where the hell is Akisame?" he asks. "Isn't he supposed to walk you home?"

"He can walk himself home," I grumble.

"Apa!" Apachai shouts, barreling in from the other room. "Is Sachi okay? Sachi looks angry."

"I'm not ANGRY!" I shout, and then realize it was completely pointless. I turn back around to look back down on them from the top of the broken staircase. I take a deep breath and then try again. "Look… I'm not angry. Alright? I'm… frustrated."

Sakaki gets a knowing smile, the devil, and takes a long swig of his beer with a chuckle. Apachai, and Shigure who has now joined them, don't seem to get my meaning as easily.

"Apapa…What Sachi mean? Frustrated?" Apachai shouts.

I try to answer honestly without answering directly. "It means, that when Akisame gets home," I explain. "I am either going to go out to dinner with him… or punch him in the jaw." I start to head back to my room, and then turn back around. "Or both!" I shout, and then finally trudge back to my room.

When I almost reach my door, I hear Shigure ask, "Is love always… so… violent?"

Her question makes me pause in my tracks. Even Shigure now thinks I am in love with Akisame. My chest hurts all over again. I sit down gently upon my bed… our bed, I supposed I should call it… since Akisame has not slept in his own for nearly two months now. I skim my fingers over the sheets. Akisame lies here each night, fully clothed, content to hold me as I sleep. His gentle lips kiss me awake in the morning, and his soft humming and rich scent soothe me to sleep at night. There have been a couple of times that he has trained with Kenichi long into the night, and I have found myself startling awake and reaching for him – desperate to feel his skin and calm myself.

Then, something large and white catches my eye from the corner of the room. There is a long white plastic bag hanging in the closet that wasn't there this morning. I walk over to it, and find a note in Akisame's perfect handwriting. It simply reads:

_Hello beautiful,_

_When you find this note, I sincerely hope I have not managed to upset you. I promise, that is not my intention. I know you don't yet have clothes of your own, and thought you might like to wear this to dinner tonight… if you'll still have me. I will meet you downstairs._

- _Akisame_

If you'll still have me… those are the same words he used the night I told him love was not real, that we could never be lovers. Part of me wants to ignore the dress and the other part is dying of curiosity. It is obviously a dress because of the long elegant bag it is in to protect it. _When did he buy something like this? _I wonder. I can't stop myself from pulling down the zipper and pulling apart the plastic to reveal its contents. When it opens, I gasp and my hand flies to cover my mouth.

"It's very… pretty," Shigure says from my doorway. I spin to look at her, staring with curiosity at the dress as well.

"Yes," I whisper. "My God, Shigure. I could never wear something like this!" I'm not sure why I am whispering, but I suddenly feel like a little girl who's been sneaking around in her mother's closet.

"Why… not?" she asks.

"Because!" I almost wail. "Oh my God! It's… it's… too much. It's too beautiful." I sit down on the edge of my bed in despair. "It will make me look so plain."

"No…" she disagrees, "it won't. It matches… your… eyes."

"My eyes?" I turn back to look at it again.

It is a floor length ball gown, made of emerald green silk. There is exquisite silver embroidery that runs from the ankle up one side, to cross the hips boldly, and gently cup the breast on the other. The gathering of fabric on the same side as the embroidered breast draws the entire form together to highlight and swell over the hips of the woman wearing it. The neckline dances up to a halter-style top with standing collar, and plunges deeply down to hang loosely between where her breasts would be. A tiny chain of pearls suspends just high enough between them to hold the sides together, and avoid any unfortunate accident. I now notice that there are two additional items in the bag; an emerald green pair of silk elbow-high gloves, and a set of three-inch silver pumps.

I walk over and sit back down on the side of our bed, trying not to hyperventilate.

"Sachi." Shigure says, placing a hand on my shoulder and squatting down in front of me with intense eyes. "You must… know no fear."

"How?" I ask, in disbelief. "How am I supposed to wear that in a room full of people and not be scared out of my wits? I'll look like some rich heiress, instead of the worthless nobody that I am."

"No fear! Akisame," she replies, coaching me, "will be… with you. He does… not think you… are worthless."

Sakaki's words from weeks ago suddenly burst through my mind, "_Love is very real…I think it's just not what you think it is._"

I freeze at the memory and my mind begins spinning. Not what I think it is… not what I think it is…? That would mean that I have to believe that I know what it is supposed to be in the first place! I couldn't even begin to say what love is or isn't. Truthfully… I really don't know why I disbelieve it so strongly. There must be something. I feel suddenly like I'm losing my mind – like my world is slipping out from under me, and I am powerless to stop it. That horrible feeling, the one that keeps assaulting me in a moment of weakness, suddenly bubbles up from my belly and I clamp both hands over my mouth to keep from screaming. I squeeze my eyes tightly shut, and my whole body begins to shake.

I suddenly feel Shigure's hand leave my shoulder and I can hear her swift footsteps retreat into the house. I can't scream. I can't. They'll think I've gone crazy. They'll throw me out. I'll be all alone again!

"What on Earth is going on?" the Elder's voice suddenly booms from my doorway. I cannot bring myself to do more than pull a pillow over my face to hide and muffle the silent screams. "Oh dear…"

I hear the door to my bedroom close and believe for a moment that he has left again, until I feel monstrous arms lift me against a chest of steel and cradle me like Sakaki did once.

"There, there, young one," he coos in a soft voice. "You come out when you're ready."

The feeling of comfort from his arms and his steady heartbeat slowly begin to seep into my muscles, relaxing me and turning me to a puddle of jelly. Eventually, I am able to calm down enough to begin breathing normally again. I let the pillow drop down, and glance up at him, swiping at the tears on my face with the back of my hand.

"Are you going to send me away?" I ask, in a rough voice.

"Good grief," he says with a shake of his head, looking down at me with gentle eyes. "What would ever make you believe a thing like that?"

"Because I'm apparently an emotional time bomb," I cry with a trembling lip. "You're the third person in this house who's had to deal with me breaking down for no reason."

"There is always a reason," he states, very matter-of-factly. "Just because we don't remember what it is, does not make it any less important. To offer comfort to a friend, is the highest calling any person can answer in this life. I know more than you may think, young lady. Akisame and Sakaki have both held you in their arms, and when they did – it was to answer that very call. Now… why don't you try to remember what made you so upset."

"I don't know," I nearly sob. "I was just thinking about what Sakaki said and then…"

"What did he tell you?" he asks, sitting me more upright on his knee, and leaning my head upon his chest.

"He said…" I try to clear my head. "He said that he didn't think love was what I thought it was."

"Mmmm Hmmm…" he murmurs in acknowledgement. "And what do you think about that?"

"I… I…" the tears start to flow again, and I choke back on a sob. He rubs my back gently, and I try to focus. To find the right words. "I don't even know what he means. I realized… I don't know what I believe love is at all! There are no words… there is no meaning. And I keep getting this feeling inside, and I don't know why! I don't know where it comes from. It's not even a memory! It's just a feeling of a memory… or a memory of a feeling… like I'm trying to see through a shadow." As I speak, my words come faster, my voice climbs higher, and my breathing starts coming faster and faster. I begin to shake again.

"Calm down, Sachi," he says with a clear smooth voice.

"I don't know how!" I cry.

"Step outside of the shadow." He instructs. "You are not in the shadow anymore. You are here in your own room in Ryozanpaku. On my lap. You are safe, Sachi. You do not have to be afraid." I hear his words and try desperately to follow his instructions. I focus on the feeling of his leg beneath me, his chest and shoulder behind me, his breathing all around me. "Focus on the sound of my voice, little one. You are in a room where shadow cannot touch you. It cannot find you here. You are safe."

I try to pull further and further away from the horrible feeling, by sinking into his voice, sinking into his presence, and finally – it's as if my head has burst forth from out of the memory drowning me, and I can finally breathe.

"Have you come back to us Sachi?" he asks in his gentlest tone.

"Yes," I whisper, nodding again and swiping at my tears. "I'm sorry."

"Nonsense," he says with a chuckle. "We all battle fear – some fears more than others. But tonight… I want to help you, little one. If you will simply trust me. Do you trust me, Sachi?"

I look up at this mountain of a man who has sheltered me for so many months. Miu's grandfather. Akisame's friend. Lord of this house, and the strongest fighter I have ever seen. A man who would run to the aid of a crying woman without hesitation or aggravation.

"Yes," I whisper. "I trust you, Hayato." I say is real name for the first time.

"Very good." He nods to me. "Then I want you to look back, Sachi. Look into the shadow, but do not enter it. You are not in that place any longer. You are here. You are safe. Look back into the shadow from safety, and tell me what you see."

I try to do as he instructs, by closing my eyes. I look into the emptiness of my mind. I recall the feeling, and try not to let it touch me.

"There are no pictures," I explain softly. "There is only darkness… and… a feeling. It feels like… pain. It feels like torment, and terror… and… something else. It feels like a sickness… all over my skin. I could not get it off of me… I could not wash it away…" I begin to shake again, but his gentle hand on my back calms me after a few moments and I try to press closer. An image begins to fade into view ever so softly. "No wait! There is a… a picture. It's… oh my God! It's me! I can see… myself… no wait… myself in a mirror. I think… I think I'm dead. No wait…"

"It's alright, Sachi," he croons, "Just do your best."

I shake my head, trying to bring the picture into better focus. My head begins to hurt terribly.

"My eyes… I'm not dead, my eyes just look dead. I'm just… lying there. There's blood or… no… fabric the color of blood? A bed! It's a bed beneath me… with red sheets. There are small silver chains on my wrists, but I can't see where they go… There are bruises all over my skin…"

Suddenly, I feel sickness and fear wash into me again, beginning to pull me down.

"There is a man here…" I whisper in renewed terror. "He's coming towards me!"

"Sachi," the Elder's voice is stern, but coming from a distance. "Do not enter the shadow Sachi. Come back to me. Here. Now. You are not in that pla…"

But his words can no longer reach me. I cannot pull back fast enough, the feeling is too strong! It's sucking me under and stealing my breath!

"No…" I whisper, trying to claw my way back out. "He's coming towards me! He's between me and the mirror. I cannot see his face. It's too dark! There's… something in his hands. It's a… no! NOOO! STAY AWAY FROM ME! STAY AWAY FROM MEEE!"

I try desperately to fight my way off of the bed. I bring up both my legs and kick forward into his chest as hard as I can, but the candlestick comes down once, twice, three times on my back. I pull so hard against the chains that blood begins to run from my hands… but I cannot get free!

"STOP!" I scream at him. "PLEASE, STOP! GET AWAY FROM ME!"

He grabs me by the throat and I realize… this time will be the last time. This time he will finally kill me.

"Go ahead…" I mumble weakly. "Kill me. Then you cannot hurt me anymore…"

My hands drop to my side as my lungs burn for air. But this time I welcome the pain. It means I will finally have peace. I stop struggling, and welcome the blackness – letting it wash over me.

"SACHI!" The Elder's voice begins to fade in again. _Wait… where am I? _"Sachi, come back!"

I mumble in response to his voice, trying to pull myself back from the darkness. I feel steel and strength completely entombing me. I nearly begin to panic again before I recognize the feeling of comfort, of warmth. It's not steel… it's the Elder's arms around me.

"Sachi!" He shouts again, and then he responds to my sudden stillness. "Have you come back from the shadow, little one?" he asks, his chest breathing heavily against my ear. "Do you know where you are?"

"Yes," I whimper.

His arms very, very slowly begin to release their iron grip on me. I pull back to look at his face, and nearly sob at the sight of it. There are angry red lines all over it. I look down at my hands and see flesh and blood beneath my fingernails. I have clawed his face in an attempt to escape.

"I'm so sorry, Hyato," I sob, reaching for him. "This is all my…"

"No!" he shouts, surprising me into silence. "Do not say those words! Don't you DARE say that this was your FAULT!" The entire house seems to shake at the sound of his voice. I tremble before him like a leaf in the wind, and his demeanor relaxes again. A single tear escapes from the corner of his eye.

"You will go with Shigure, now." He instructs me, gently lifting me to my feet. I turn and see her hovering just inside my window with her sword strapped to her back. "She will help you wash up for supper."

I nod meekly, and let him lead me to grasp her hand. She's not much bigger than I am, but she bounces me quickly up onto her back and leaps lithely down to the grass outside. She runs out to the hot springs as fast as her legs will carry us, and then sets me down beside the water's edge.

We do not speak. I strip off my sweat-soaked clothes as she does the same, and then we both enter the water. She has helped me wash many times, due to my former injuries, and we simply slip back into our old routine. The heat of the water sinks into my skin, deep into my bones, and begins to work its own magic washing away the cold from within me. It is not until she is combing through my hair, that I begin to let new tears slip free.


	19. Love's Suffering

As I finish Takeda's appointment, Takeda gives me one last embarrassed smile.

"How does that feel?" I ask, letting the joint rotate loosely in my hands. Takeda winces slightly, and I am pleased because this continues to show positive progress.

"It's great, Doc. Honestly, I get more and more feeling back all the time." He says, flexing the muscles in his hand. "Look, uh… I'm really sorry if I interrupted something back there."

I hold up my hand to halt his ridiculous apology. "You have nothing to apologize for, young man," I say completely sincerely. "It was completely logical for you to come looking for me. Besides, despite what it looked like, you didn't interrupt what you presume."

"Sure. Whatever you say Doc." Takeda hops down off the exam table, and flips his jacket back over his shoulders.

"I take it I missed something rather memorable," Kensei says, entering the room with a perverted smile. "That's quite a shame. I thought you had intended to ask her to dinner, Akisame."

"Really?" Takeda says with a true laugh. "Akisame must've gotten confused then, huh? It looked to me like you decided to have Sachi for dinner instead."

"Do tell," Kensei says, rubbing his hands together with a perverted laugh.

"Now, hold on you two," I scold them without any real malice in my voice. "I apologize for behaving inappropriately at the office. However, I don't want to allow that to open her up to criticism. And in answer to your question, Kensei… yes, I did manage to ask her to dinner. And I did manage to convince her to say yes, but will have to see if that holds true."

Takeda burst out laughing at my careful description. "Man, I'm sorry Akisame. I didn't mean any disrespect your woman. I hope you know that." He holds his hands up, palms forward, as a sign of surrender. "I'm happy for you. I really am. She's totally hot, and seems really smart too. I just hope I can find a woman like that myself someday."

I let out a warm laugh at his near reverence. "You will," I assure him. "You're still young."

"Any advice?" Takeda asks, only half-joking.

Yes," I reply in all seriousness, "Don't wait as long as I did to acknowledge how you feel."

"She may have agreed to go to dinner with you," Kensei cuts in, "but if you ask my advice – which I note no one ever does – you still have quite a bit of making up to do. She seemed rather aggravated when she left."

"Left?" I snap, turning my full attention to him. "You let her leave without an escort?"

"Now don't you go blaming this on me," Kensei says raising his nose in the air. "Besides, it's hardly like she can get into trouble between the clinic in Ryozanpaku."

"I suppose you're right," I acknowledge. After all, it's not as if she doesn't know basic self-defense.

After Takeda heads home for the day, I head back to my office to pack up my things. Kensei's comment on Sachi's aggravation leaves me worried, but I realized before I made this choice that this would likely be the result. I left her practically swimming in sexual frustration – playing the gamble of whether that would help in my case, or only cause more harm. I also admit I enjoyed myself a bit more than I had initially planned. I've been so careful for so long. It felt good to be able to kiss her like that again; to give her pleasure instead of just comfort.

As I head out the door, and back to Ryozanpaku, I feel nervousness begin to coil in my stomach. This is the first time I will openly challenge the roles we've placed ourselves into since the discussion we had that night about love. Before that night, I never would have imagined that Sachi would choose not to believe in something so basic. To me, love is one of the very building blocks of life on Earth. I could no more deny the existence of love that I could claim that water was not made up of two parts hydrogen and one part oxygen. It is evidenced by Miu's adoration of her grandfather, by the intensity in Kenichi's eyes when he explains to me that he wants to protect Miu, and by the desperation clawing within me to have Sachi return my affections and not simply my lust.

When I finally reach home, I gently brush the heavy wooden doors out of my way and turn to close them again. No one appears to be out in the training yard or running around the grounds, so they must be gathered in the main house or the dojo. I decide to check the house first, expecting the rest of our household to be abuzz with excitement about whether Sachi will or will not actually agree to go with me to Dinner. I know at least Shigure was already intrigued, as she stared curiously at the dress I asked her to hang in our room after we left this morning.

But when I enter the doors of the main house I am instantly alarmed. The tension in the room is so thick it is nearly palpable.

"Apapapa… Apa! Apapa.." Apachai is standing in rocking with his hands over his ears, chanting his name over and over again like a mantra to himself.

Shigure is crouched on the floor next to him clutching her sword to her chest with her eyes fixated on the upstairs intensely. Miu and Kenichi standoff in the far corner of the room. They're both whispering to each other with worried faces. I feel a lead weight drop into my stomach as I see Sakaki headed straight for me. He looks nervous.

"What's wrong?" I demand all of them, not waiting for Sakaki to reach me. "Where is Sachi?"

I toss the few items in my hands the floor and turn to head upstairs in search of her. I don't want to stop and talk to them. I need to see her. I need to know she is all right. In a flash, Sakaki steps in front of me, barring my way with his big body.

"That's a very dangerous position to put yourself in," I warn him feeling a mixture of fear and anger wash through me.

"Apa! Akisame! Wait!" Apachai shouts in distress. "Must not go up now! Sachi with Elder! Sachi need alone time!"

I feel guilt slam into me like a solid blow to the gut. _Is this my fault?_ I wonder. _Did I cause this? Was she more upset when she left than either Kensei or I realized?_ I don't know how to deal with these questions. I drop to a seated, cross-legged position on the floor, and close my eyes in an attempt to calm myself.

"Someone better start explaining what's going on," I say with all the authority I can muster. "and they had better do it quickly."

"I'm not sure any of us know what the hell's going on, man," Sakaki says sincerely. "She came home upset. But it wasn't like… 'I'm gonna melt down' kind of upset. Honestly…" he says, rubbing the back of his neck as his ears turn red, "I thought you just came onto her a little stronger than normal… and she was, you know… Frustrated."

"Apa! Yes! Sachi tell Apachai that Sachi is frustrated!" Apachai suddenly drops down and looks me in the eyes with deep concern. "Apachai not know what this means."

None of this is making any sense. "That doesn't explain why you all look alarmed!" I shout at them, frustrated by their poor descriptions.

"Hell if I know!" Sakaki shouts back. "We all thought she was fine! She went upstairs to her room. Shigure went to check on her. The next thing I know… Shigure's hauling ass down here and drags the old man upstairs. And now look at her! She just sits there! She won't even tell us what the hell is going on!"

"Shigure," I say, moving to face her. "I need you to tell me what happened. Why did you come down to get Hayato?" I attempt to keep my voice calm, despite my heart trying to hammer its way out of my chest. I desperately want to go to her if she needs me. But if I caused this… I do not want to inflict more harm.

Shigure keeps her eyes fixated on the upstairs for a few moments more before looking me in the eyes and saying, "I… Failed." She then casts eyes to the ground as if ashamed.

"How did you fail?" I push her, trying to understand her meaning.

"I… do not understand… what happened," she continues, "we were… looking at her dress." This makes sense to me. Shigure had already seemed fascinated by that dress. "She was… afraid. She… felt worthless.… I tried to tell her… I said… Know no fear! I said… Akisame will be with… her." I can see Shigure struggling for words. Trying to decide how to explain what happened. "All of a… sudden… I failed… I lost her. She… started to… cry, but she… no longer saw me. She could not… hear me. I knew the… Elder would know what… to do. So I made him… go to Sachi."

By this time Kensei has also returned from the clinic and has joined the rest of us. He has simply fallen in step with us, struggling to determine what's going on as hard as I am.

"It sounds like she's had some kind of fit," he says in a surprised tone.

"She did that to me once," Sakaki says solemnly, hanging his head. "I tried to talk to her, because she seemed real down about somethin'. She talked to me about it, but then she started cryin'. I couldn't take it! I pulled her up into my lap, but then her cryin' changed all of a sudden. It got worse instead of better," he presses on with a choked voice. "She started screaming. Screaming like the world was coming to an end. I didn't know what to do. I just held onto her, and she cried for over two hours straight. Freaked me the hell out…"

"I know," I admit, surprising Sakaki. "I saw you. I had already been coming back from the clinic to check on her. I didn't say anything because I wanted to let her tell me only what she wanted to. She had done something similar with me before, but she has never spoken of that either."

"Do you think it could be her memory trying to return?" Kensei asks.

"That is my suspicion," I concur, "but without speaking to her about it, I have no way to be…"

"NOO!" Sachi's voice suddenly bursts from upstairs with more fear than I could have imagined. The response from my body is immediate and without thought. I leap up from the floor, headed to Sachi's room in a complete blur.

"STAY AWAY FROM ME!" she continues to scream.

I am half-way up the rope when Sakaki's body collides with mine without reservation. I am so completely focused on Sachi's screams that I didn't even pay attention to him coming, and his blow carries us all the way through the wall and out into the yard.

"No! Akisame!" Sakaki shouts at me. "Hayato is with her! Give him time!"

"STAY AWAY FROM ME!" Her desperation curdles my blood.

The idea of Sakaki standing between her and I fuels me with a rage I can't even begin to temper. I lunge at him, spinning him up over my shoulder easily and bringing him down hard. Before I can complete the motion, Sakaki twists, breaking my hold. I feel another impact come down on my shoulders, and realize Apachai is attempting to pin me to the ground.

"STOP!" she begs.

I throw my shoulders forward and my face into the ground, bringing my legs up hard from behind and throwing him off my shoulders. Instead of following the move with a blow of my own, I pivot and throw myself again at the sound of her screams.

"PLEASE STOP! GET AWAY FROM ME!"

"Damnit Akisame!" Sakaki shouts again, bringing a blow by my face with barely enough time for me to dodge. I spin and come face to face with Apachai.

"Apapapapa!" he screams, swinging his knee towards my left side.

"Get out OF MY WAY!" I scream at all of them.

I don't see Shigure come up from beneath me until her sword sheath catches my right temple, sending an explosion behind my eyelids. At the exact same moment, Sakaki's arms come around my shoulders and throw both of us into the ground hard. It's only a fraction of a second later that Apachai's incredible weight adds itself onto my back. I can feel the ground beneath us crack and groan in complaint. The second I consider spinning to move, Shigure's bare blade touches the surface of the skin against my neck.

"You moron!" Sakaki screams. "You think we would stop you if we thought she was being hurt! I don't know what the fuck is going on! But Hayato would never let her get hurt! You know that!"

"Apapapa!" Apachai screams. "Sachi need time! Akisame give time! Bad dreams!"

My body keeps struggling against them, but the fight has gone completely out of me. I can't bear the thought of anything that would make Sachi scream like that. I can't bear the thought that someone hurt her… that she begged them for her life… that I was not there to help her. "AAAHHHHHH!" I scream in fury, and collapse digging my fingers into the earth beneath us.

"Listen!" Shigure shouts suddenly, lifting her head to look back towards the house. "She… is quiet."

Without her screams filling the night air, I feel my head start to clear slightly. They are right… and I know it. I can't bear the thought of her suffering. I have feared for some time that Sachi's memory loss may not be entirely, or even mostly, physical tissue damage. But I recoiled from the thought of what could have happened to her to cause her to block everything, to block her own name.

A sound that is half-groan, half a cry of pain pours forth from my throat. In moments, Shigure is gone. Apachai raises up off of us and begins rocking with his hands over his ears again – chanting his name. Sakaki sits up and stares at the ground, while I simply lie here in my misery staring out unfocused into the night. I feel as if all of the strength has been sucked from my limbs.

"She's going to be okay, man," Sakaki finally says.

I rise up from the ground, dusting off my judo outfit and running my fingers through my hair. "Tell me when I am needed." I reply, leaving them all behind me, in search of peace.


	20. Arms That Hold Me

Not much later, perhaps 15 minutes, Miu approaches me timidly.

"What do you want?" I ask her with a broken voice.

"Grandfather is asking for you," she says with a whimper. "He's waiting for you in the main room."

I rise to my feet and enter the house. Hayato is standing with his back to me, facing the wall.

"I am sorry, old friend," he says solemnly. "I know this must be painful for you."

"What happened?" I ask, with anger rising in my mind again.

"The moment was right," he says. "The memory was returning, but she couldn't face it on her own."

"She wasn't ready," I growl.

"She was," he argues. "She just needed a helping hand."

"Are you saying you pushed her into this?!" I shout, beginning to lose my battle with my temper.

"You should remember with whom you speak, Akisame," he says, but all I can remember are her screams.

"Do you have any idea the kind of damage that could have caused?!" I can feel the other Masters watching from the shadows outside the room. I know I'm behaving irrationally, but my rage is desperate for an outlet. "Memory recovery as unpredictable! She could have harmed herself!"

"DO YOU REALLY BELIEVE I WOULD HAVE ALLOWED HER TO HARM HERSELF?!" The elder's voice booms as he turns to face me. I am stunned into silence by the sight of his clawed face. She has done considerable damage in her hysteria. "I am no young pup, Akisame Koetsuji! Your quarrel is not with me, and you would be wise to remember it! That young woman will _never_ be ready for the memories that lie in the shadow of her mind! But they are coming…" he says, relaxing his posture and lowering his voice, "whether she is ready for them or not. Now. The rest of you coming here and join us. We have much to discuss."

The door slides open and Sakaki, Kensei, Apachai, Kenichi, and Miu all enter the room with solemn faces. We all take our normal positions in a circle on the floor, the way we do anytime we discuss the strategy of our household.

"As most of you already realize, Sachi's memory is trying to return to her." The Elder's eyes travel around the circle, as he makes eye contact with each person. "It is important that we provide her what comfort we can, and do not treat her differently, regardless of what this process may reveal. Regardless of who she was, she is our friend now, and that is what I will always consider her. I am going to share with you what she has seen."

"Are you sure Grandpa?" Miu squeaks with concern. "Won't that make her more upset?"

"It would not be practical for any of you to pretend you did not hear her screams tonight. It would be foolish to let any of you come to your own conclusions about what she has seen. But I will not make that young woman explain to you what she has seen herself," he explains. "I believe that would only be cruel at this point."

"What about Shigure?" Kenichi asks with sadness in his voice. "Where is she?"

"Shigure is helping Sachi wash and prepare to rest for the night," the Elder explains. "I am fairly sure Sachi may tell her on her own. If she does not, I will explain everything to her later."

Dread settles into the pit of my stomach as I try to prepare myself for what will come next. I take the posture I normally use for meditation, sitting cross legged it on the floor with my hands on my knees. I close my eyes, an attempt to calm myself. I tell myself that in this moment, I am Sachi's doctor. I need to learn all that I can to treat her properly. Her lover will have to wait for his vengeance.

"Sachi has had more than one episode of her memory trying to return," the Elder begins. "Until today, she had not seen anything real enough for her to consider a memory. She described it as a feeling, or an emotional state, that would overtake her with no reason behind it. Tonight, I helped her look into the shadow in her mind. I believe this is the first memory she has had since arriving here, and as you already know, it wasn't a pleasant one."

The Elder begins describing all that he can remember of the way she described the initial feeling. Despite my preparation, my chest aches at the horrible description. What comes next, however, is almost more than I can bear. He begins to describe a grisly scene of Sachi beaten and broken, and chained to a bed. The bed has blood-red sheets, which my mind immediately tells me is to hide the real blood upon it. I give up on my meditative posture and raise my knees to drop my head between them. I bring my hands to class behind my head, and try to focus on breathing through the need to tear something apart. The Elder continues, explaining that Sachi's inability to decipher the memory from reality occurred when the focal point of her fear entered the room. A man with no face.

"I attempted to call her back and spare her from reliving the beating he gave her." The Elder's eyes burn with undiluted anger. "But its hold on her was too strong. All I had the power to do, was prevent her from harming herself in her attempt to flee. It is still unclear to me why she returned to reality when she did. But I believe she felt herself close to death. She seemed to think she was suffocating."

Everyone in the room is silent for a very, very long time, and I continue to focus on breathing. If I ever meet this man, I'm not sure I would be able to stop myself from killing him with my bare hands. I have sworn myself to a life of martial arts training, and have become intensely powerful in my pursuit, but I have also sworn an oath to never kill another human being if any other option exists. With my level of intellect, there have always proved to be alternatives. This is the first time in my life that I feel hatred burn deeply enough to challenge that oath. Whether I am able to make that choice in the future or not, if I ever meet this man, there is no question that he would long for death long before I ever choose to give it to him.

I want to go to her desperately. I want to hold her in my arms and pour out my love, until my soul remembers once again that she is safe. But I fear that I will only make things worse. It's as if I can feel her at this very moment, thinking about me – and evaluating how I will respond. If this man from her memory was her lover at any point, I may be the very thing driving her memory to return. I may be the source of her fear. I cannot bear that, so I decide that I will simply check on her, and seek my own bed once I can see that she is safe.

"So, what does this mean about trying to find out who she is?" Sakaki chimes in for the first time.

"Apachai vote no." Apachai says simply. "Apachai want Sachi to never see bad man again."

"I agree," says Kenichi with his hands clenched into fists. "The entire reason I came to Ryozanpaku – the whole reason I keep doing all this training – is because someday I want to be strong enough to protect people like Sachi. When she first came here, we protected her because it was the right thing to do. But she has become my friend. And we protect our friends!"

"But it's not that simple," Kensei chimes in with his head hung low. "There are consequences to a choice like that. Sachi is right. She cannot continue to live the way she's been living forever. Not having a name – not having a legal identity – is going to take away a lot of things in her life."

"What Kensei mean?" Apachai shouts confused.

"We've already talked about the problems with getting a job," Sakaki explains. "We've got her working at the clinic now, to keep her happy, but if she ever needed anything else… she'd only be able to get work under the table. Those aren't exactly the best jobs. Also…" he says looking me in the eyes, "she could never get legally married. It's not such a big deal, unless her boyfriend got really hurt or something. They wouldn't let her make decisions for him. And there's other stuff too… I'm not saying it's impossible, but it won't be easy."

"But grandpa," Miu says wringing her hands. "We would never make Sachi leave would we? We would help take care of her. And Akisame," she says turning to me, "you know the truth about Sachi. You could marry her right? I mean… maybe not with the paperwork, but you could give her a last name! She could just tell people she's Sachi Koetsuji. People wouldn't question it."

My heart skips a beat at what Miu obviously considers to be a simple solution. My mind starts to spin as I wonder if Sachi would be willing to do such a thing. She certainly wouldn't be willing to tell people we were married if I'm not sleeping with her. But could I marry someone who doesn't love me? In reality, I suspect that Sachi does love me on some level, but I need her to have that understanding and not just me. Sachi Koetsuji… Sachi Koetsuji. I like the idea so much it hurts, but Miu is looking to me for an answer now.

"I think that everyone has had a very long day," I answer her, dodging the question for now. "And I think we're putting the cart before the horse. We cannot make Sachi's life decisions for her. We're not going to work out all of the answers to these problems tonight. And we have no need of knowing Sachi's identity in the immediate future. We can discuss our concerns with her when she is rested and ready, and then let her make the decisions for herself."

"Yes, that sounds like a very reasonable plan," the Elder says, rising to his feet. "I suggest we all retire for the night. We will all feel better in the morning."

When I slide open Sachi's door, I expect to see her tucked into bed already, but instead she is standing by the window, facing out. Her hair is still damp and trailing loosely down her back. She's wearing one of Shigure's sinfully short kimono's like she does every night, and even though my mind knows today was brutal and painful, my body responds to her the same way it always does. I'm disgusted with myself. The last thing she needs is a man pawing at her, so I turn to leave and head back to my own room.

"You're not even going to talk to me?" Her voice drifts to me quietly from across the room. "I didn't think you the type to run so easily."

The accusation surprises me. "I am not running away from anything," I argue. "And I'm more than willing to talk if that's what you need."

"Close the door." She demands.

I follow her instruction and step inside, closing the door behind me. I feel awkward, completely unsure of whether to approach or not; so, I simply stand at the foot of her bed close to the door. She still stands facing the window with her fingertips tracing her collar bone idly as she stares out into the night. The moonlight on her skin is inspiring. The next time I have a peaceful moment, I want to paint her skin in moonlight. I'm not sure even my skilled hands could capture the beauty in it.

"What if I don't need it?" she asks almost absently. "What if I just want it?"

I'm not sure what she's trying to get at, so I decide to just answer honestly. "For you to want it is enough."

"I thought so…" she mumbles almost to herself. After a few moments of silence she finally says, "I know what you're thinking, you know. You're completely wrong."

I'm the one in the house with a reputation for being the mind-reader. In different circumstances it may even make me laugh. But as I stand here desperately wanting to hold her, and hating myself for it, I'm simply at a loss for humor.

"What am I wrong about?" I ask, feeling the answer to be practically everything.

"You're standing there thinking that I don't want you here with me." A tear slides down her face and I root myself to the ground in an effort not to run to her and wipe it away. "I know the Elder told you what I remembered. I'm not sure what you think about it, but I know the conclusion you would've arrived at."

That would be quite the trick, if it were true, since I don't even know how I feel myself. "Am I really so transparent?"

"You're standing there thinking that I don't want you here," she continues. "or that I shouldn't. You're worried that I'm going to be afraid of you. You think that because I've had a man nearly beat me to death, means the last thing I need would be another man with his hands all over me. But you're dead wrong." Another tear slides down her face and she still doesn't turn it towards me. It's almost enough to send me running to her, but I hold back, still unsure. "If you walk away for me now – If you leave me alone in my bed for the first time in so long – then you don't want me anymore. It means that I was right, and this love that you believe in so much is a lie."

Her reasoning makes no sense at all, but the idea that I could leave her feeling unwanted breaks my heart. I let go of my restraint and rush to her side. I snatch her tightly into my arms and do what I've been dying to do four hours. I start planting desperate little kisses all over her skin. I know exactly what her body looks like bruised and broken, and that memory alone is enough to bring tears to my eyes. I've never told anyone but Kensei the horrors exposed by her x-rays – the fact that at some point in her past, every single bone in her body has been broken, and some many times over. I kiss the palms of her hands, her wrists, her fingertips… her collarbone, her neck… her cheeks, her nose. I taste the salt from her tears and kiss them away. I lose my internal battle completely, and finally drop my lips to hers.

My kiss is desperate and deep. I know I must be crushing her to me too tightly. It's as if I need to draw her very spirit into my body, before I will feel that she is safe. I remember the sound of her screams. I remember my desperation to reach her. I remember feeling like I would die at the thought that I could not. I trail my kisses down her neck to the crook in her shoulder. I bury my face there, inhaling the sweet scent of her skin. My body begins to shake, and several moments go by before I realize I am choking back sobs. Sobs! A grown man of nearly 40 weeping like a child. It's absurd.

"Oh, Akisame…" she whispers, wrapping her arms around me. "I'm alright. I'm okay."

My knees give out and I pull her down with me. I cling to her for a long time and fight to bury my pain back down where it belongs – out of sight. She has so much of her own, she certainly doesn't need mine. What a monster she must think I am, after staying away from her this long.

"I tried to run to you," I fight to explain. "They stopped me. They held me back."

"You… were here?" she whispers in a disbelieving voice. She begins running her fingers through my hair as my tears splash into her sweet skin.

"Yes," I say, with my body shuddering in protest. "I heard you start screaming and I tried to run to you. I wanted to help you."

"Oh, Akisame…" she says with a catch in her voice. "I was not alone. Hayato was with me."

"I know. I knew that," I admit. "but I wasn't there for you. I didn't quiet your screams."

"Shhh…." she whispers, using both hands to pull back my face and kiss my lips. "You are here now."

Suddenly, she pulls back and stands. I nearly think she is leaving before she sits down on the bed. I wipe my hands over my face, trying to reign myself back in from sobbing like some young child… like… Kenichi. Sachi is the one who needs comfort tonight, not me.

"Come here, Akisame," she whispers, patting the mattress next to her.

I do as she says, sitting down on the edge of the bed, embarrassed by my own lack of control. She spins herself to face me, effectively straddling my lap, and throws her arms around my neck. As she starts to slide her hands down, I snatch her wrists and halt their movement. Even if she is ready for this… I am not. This is not how I want to take her for the first time. I do not feel like making love. I feel like holding her.

"Sachi…" I start to protest, with a weak voice.

"Shhhhh…" she replies, putting a finger to my lips. "I am not going to ask you to have sex with me, Akisame. But I need you to know that I trust you."

I loosen my grip on her wrists, and she trails her hands inside the shirt of my judo outfit. She pushes it back gently off my shoulders and casts it to the floor.

"These…" she says running her soft hands up and down the flesh of my arms, "These are the arms that hold me. These are the arms that protect me." She brings her hands back up, across my broad shoulders, and joins them behind my head. "These are the lips that sing me to sleep." She dips her head for a gentle, drawn-out kiss. "This is the man who cares for me. If I trust nothing else in the world… I trust this. I do not know my name, but I know this is true. Do not be angry that they kept you from me. I know you would have come for me."

She gently crawls off my lap and further into the mattress, lying down between the wall and where I sit. Then she looks up at me with a sad smile and says, "What if I want you to hold me?"

"For you to want it is enough," I whisper, crawling into her arms.

I love the feeling of her body, wrapped in silk, and pressed against the bare skin of my chest. We lie together for a long time. Sometimes we kiss, with the gentle familiarity of long-time lovers, sometimes I trace my lips along her skin, and other times we simply breathe into the darkness. Eventually, I feel her breathing change, signaling that she has finally fallen asleep. My heart swells painfully at the thought that she still trusts me like this, despite the horrible memory of her past. I decide to close my eyes, and drift off to sleep. Everything else can wait until tomorrow.


	21. Breakfast

When I awake the next morning, Akisame is still fast asleep and practically draped on top of me. I squirm, trying to adjust my position so that I can sit up slightly against the pillows. Akisame is apparently so soundly asleep that my movement doesn't even faze him. This is unusual because he is normally such an early riser. He must be even more exhausted than I had realized, but emotionally not physically.

After a little bit of careful effort, I manage to get myself somewhat sitting up. His head is cradled against my chest and his big body is draped over me like another blanket. It never ceases to amaze me how heavy he is! It's due to all those muscles he keeps so carefully hidden. Sakaki may be bulkier than Akisame, but I would guess that they're probably equal in strength. Sakaki told me something once about Akisame conditioning his body in some special way that was unusual.

All I know is the feeling of his bare skin is amazing. I run my fingers through his hair and then smooth my hands all over the soft skin of his back. I decide to stay just like this, caressing him gently, until he decides to wake up. To say that his response to my emotional episode yesterday surprised me would be the understatement of the year. I expected the distance and the assumptions I confronted him about. I never in a million years, however, had expected to see him cry.

I could never tell him this, but I am actually glad that the others managed to keep him at bay. I'm afraid that he wouldn't understand if I tried to explain it. It's not truly that I wouldn't have wanted him with me. It's so much more complicated than that. The very thoughts that sent me into my tailspin all revolve around Akisame, and it frightens me to think of how I might have responded with him there. I am glad that Hayato was there to guide me.

I also feel better after talking to Shigure last night. I value her perspective more than anyone I've yet talked to. I felt especially bad, since she was the one I was talking to when I'd gotten so upset. I tried to explain to her that I don't think my flashback had anything to do with the dress, or because of anything she said. I just suddenly felt like my perspective on the world was shifting onto its head. I still feel that way. But I realize now that I have time simply to explore it. It doesn't matter whether I know what's real or not real… I can just take time to figure that out.

As Shigure washed my hair, I asked her what she thought about love. She said she didn't know. She told me in her typical broken patterns that she didn't think she had ever been in love personally. But she said that her lack of experience didn't rule out its existence. She said she thought she could see love in the dojo. The Elder and Miu love one another as family. Miu and Kenichi are obviously attracted to one another, but they are also friends. I suppose you could consider friendship a form of love. But if that were true then I automatically love Akisame and everyone else in the dojo.

But all of this leads me back to my core problem. I realized, standing there and remembering Sakaki's words, that I don't even have a definition for love. I feel like I know that love is a lie, the same way that I know that one plus one equals two. When I think about it, it just feels like a fact. But how can I believe something doesn't exist so strongly… When I couldn't even say what it is? How can I tell Akisame that he does not really love me, when I can't explain why? I realize I need an answer to my question. I need to decide what love is, to understand it and to define it, before I can make a decision.

I do not know whether Akisame truly loves me or not, but it's obvious that he believes he does. My pain seems to cause him pain even though it's really only happening to me. This makes me feel terrible. Akisame has done nothing to deserve pain like that. I _wanted_ Akisame to hold me last night. I _wanted_ the comfort and the warmth his arms always give me, but it was a selfish thing. I wanted to feel better, and Akisame could give me that. But it seemed so different for him. He _needed…_ something. He seemed almost desperate as he kissed me and clung to me last night. I wish I knew what it was that he needed so badly. I would have given him more if I had understood how.

He begins to stir beneath my hands, gently nuzzling his face between my breasts. He's mostly nuzzling silk, but I can catch the faint hint of his mustache on my skin and it makes me giggle. My body reminds me insistently of how much I want him, sending a flood of heat between my legs. I sometimes dream of him taking me this way, draping his big body over me and sliding all over my skin. I close my eyes and remember the possessive intensity of his kisses back at the clinic. The memory of them alone is enough to make me want to moan, and I catch my lower lip in my teeth.

"That…" Akisame suddenly says in his roughest morning voice yet, "is a dangerous look."

I look down and meet his moonlight eyes staring at me hungrily. I can't help but give them a rueful smile. He's caught me fantasizing, and he knows it. But I'm not ashamed of it.

"It's a shame," I drawl. "It would be a lot more fun if you were participating."

"I think I'm going to go see what's for breakfast," he says, changing the subject as he stands to his feet. He's out of the bed in a flash retrieving his shirt from the floor. He puts it back on and straightens the entire ensemble. He has the door halfway open before he hesitates. He turns back to look at me and says, "Are you all right?"

The concern in his eyes is humbling. If I am reading him right, he's not asking out of mild curiosity. He _needs_ to know, and this confuses me.

"I'm alright," I assure him. "You don't need to worry about me."

He rolls his eyes as though that's the most foolish notion on the planet. Then he leaves, and I decide I had better get dressed as well. I head for my closet, and I'm confronted by the green dress. As if I needed anything to feel any more terrible about… This is a reminder that I let him down. He put so much obvious effort into convincing me to go to dinner with him, and then I freaked out and ruined everything. I have to somehow make it up to him. I'll have to ask him for a rain check on that dinner. Better yet… I should ask Kensei.

I quickly change into one of my standard outfits, composed of a mix of Shigure and Miu's clothes. Today I have on one of Miu's purple stretch tops and one of Shigure's black skirts. I'm not sure how she manages to get around in these without flashing the world, but perhaps my rear end is just larger than hers. I head down the hallway and begin to shimmy down the rope that serves as a set of stairs, when I hear the unmistakable click of Kensei's camera from below me.

"Why you little…!" I leap down and just miss snatching the camera from his hands. "How dare you!"

"Kensei!" Akisame shouts, scaring the wits out of me with the anger in his voice. "I suggest… that you give that camera to Sachi before I find a more creative place to put it." His tone sends shivers down my spine. I never imagined Akisame as someone who could be frightening, but this is quickly changing my mind.

"Now, now, Akisame," Kensei says, crouching across the room from both of us. "There's no reason to get violent. I was just uh…"

"You were just taking a photo which puts you at particularly high risk for injury," Akisame states coldly.

Suddenly, I don't care about Kensei or his dirty photos anymore. I just want to take that look out of Akisame's pale eyes.

"Kensei, go away." I order simply, turning to ignore him completely. "Akisame…"

Akisame refuses to turn his eyes away from Kensei until I physically grab his face with my hands and force him to look at me once again. His face is obviously displeased.

"You shouldn't allow him to…"

I cut off his rhetoric with a kiss. I put my arms around his neck and shoulders, pulling myself against his hard frame. For a few moments he kisses me as if he's only half paying attention, but I let a hum of pleasure purr from my chest and finally pull him from his other thoughts. He lifts me effortlessly against him, up off the ground, by my rear end and kisses me until I believe I may actually faint.

Suddenly, he pulls away and growls, "Kissing me is a pretty poor strategy to distract me."

"Nothing is a poor strategy," I whisper breathlessly, "when it works."

"And when I suddenly take what you've always offered me?" he challenges with a growl, "What then?"

I trail my lips up to his ear, sensing that his resolve is weaker than I've ever felt it before. "Then I win." I trace the lobe of his ear with my tongue and his body shudders in response.

"Ahem…" Sakaki clears his throat loudly from down the hallway. "If you two love birds are done making babies in the hallway… I think breakfast is ready."

I suppose Sakaki has a point… damn him. Akisame takes a deep breath and sets me down on the floor again gently, but not before surprising me by giving my ass a gentle squeeze with his soft hands. Wow. I have really pushed his buttons. He then calmly walks right past Sakaki and into the kitchen. I expect Sakaki to follow him, but instead he comes and towers over me with his arms crossed over his chest.

"Look, little woman," he says with a serious voice. "Akisame is my friend. I understand that you two are playing some sick game of 'Sexual Tension Death Match,' but you should learn when not to press your luck."

"Excuse me?" I challenge, not believing my ears.

"Look!" He shouts as a whisper, which I'm amazed Sakaki even knows how to do. "That man has been pushed further than any man has a right to expect. Did you happen to see the giant fucking hole in the ground out in the training yard this morning?"

I shake my head no, confused by the question.

"Well you should take a peek at it sometime," he continues. "That's how deep we had to plow your boyfriend into the ground to keep him from tearing the house apart to get to you last night."

"Are you suggesting that I did that on purpose?!" I shriek in my own whisper. "Do you have any idea how embarrassing it is that you even know about it?!"

"I'm not saying it was on purpose, woman!" he whispers, throwing his hands in the air. "What the hell kind of a man do you think I am?! I'm saying… lay off him for a while! Akisame is one of the few people on Earth I _never _want to see snap, and you're the first thing I've ever seen that might succeed in doing it!"

His statement suddenly diffuses me, and I feel my world start to rock uncertainly again. Sakaki's face shifts from angry to panicked in moments.

"Hey… wait a minute hot stuff," he says, grabbing my shoulders gently. "Fucking hell… please don't freak out on me again. What's wrong?"

I can feel my lip tremble slightly, and I shake my head to clear it. When I look up at him again, I'm determined to add more pieces to my puzzle.

"Sakaki… if I ask you a serious question… do you promise to give me a serious answer?" Sakaki looks more nervous than ever. "I need your help."

"Uh…" he mumbles, unsure. "I won't answer anything I don't think he'd want me to…"

"It's not about Akisame," I clarify. "Well, not really."

"Uh… sure."

"What is love?" The vivid memory I have of Sakaki telling me that love simply isn't what I think it is runs through my head again. He must have an opinion.

"WHAT?!" he whispers. "What the hell kind of a question is that?"

"It's a real question!" I hiss back. "You told me that you thought love isn't what I think it is. That means you must have an opinion about it! What do _you _think love is?"

"Awww hell… I dunno!" he says, throwing his arms into the air again. I glare at him and turn to leave, but he catches my arm to halt me. "How am I supposed to explain something like that?!"

Sakaki stands awkwardly for a long time, rubbing the back of his neck while his ears turn bright red. "I can't believe… have to… Jesus…." He mumbles, "… need a beer…. Shit… okay… Alright look! Love isn't something you just explain okay? It's uh… it's like a feeling." I focus on him completely, trying to decipher what he's trying to explain. "It's like… the way you feel when someone special is with you… ya know. It's somethin' only that person can make you feel. And sometimes… sometimes you want 'em so bad it hurts." He struggles, turning more and more red. "It's uh… it's a feelin' that you… you know you could never hurt 'em or let 'em be hurt. You'd… you'd do anything to make 'em happy. You'd kill anything that hurts 'em."

Sakaki closes his eyes and sighs deeply. "It's the way Miu smiles at the Elder. It's the reason Kenichi trains so hard to try and protect her. It's the way Kensei smiles when his little girl is around and he thinks no one's lookin'." He turns to meet my eyes. "And it's the way Akisame looks at you."

I can tell from the intensity of his eyes, and the set of his jaw that he's being completely serious with me. I'm still confused, and I know my face shows it. I shake my head again, trying to understand. I feel like I've learned nothing concrete, other than that Sakaki completely believes that Akisame is somehow desperately in love with me.

"Hey, little woman," Sakaki says, grabbing my chin. "You'd better not pout like that at breakfast, or Akisame might decide to chew on part of my ass. Personally, I'd like to never get that close to the man."

The thought makes me burst out in giggles. I find the mental image of Sakaki balled up like a pig on a platter with a fork stuck in his rear end hilarious. I try to hold my laughter back, but it only makes it worse and soon I am holding my sides and trying to breathe through my hysterics.

"You two must find something awfully funny," Akisame's voice cuts into my awareness once again.

He has come back to find us. Sakaki is laughing with me, and we both burst into a complete uproar and collapse on the floor.


	22. Rain Check

I decide to go ahead and go into work at the clinic today despite the long night and strange events of the day before. I still feel terrible about dinner. I want to stick with my normal routine to at least some extent, and try to check in with Kensei about my options. I'm convinced that he is the one who was providing dinner after hearing the results of their bet a couple of days ago. I'm hoping that he can somehow fix this mess I've made.

His office looks more and more like an actual workspace by the hour. I've finally gotten the 'Magical Wall of Hocus Pocus' completely cleaned and organized. I realized at some point, that I feel very familiar with most of what is on it. There are massage oils for differing purposes, fragrance bottles to prompt differing responses as well, and many of the typical tools of the trade you would see with intensive massage therapy. It shouldn't surprise me that Kensei likes to work with his hands… What surprises me is my familiarity with the hocus pocus myself. I decide to leave it as a surprise and see if anything else returns to me over time.

When I decide to attack the piles of patient records again, Kensei wanders in looking for something.

"Good grief…" he says glancing around the room. "I had no idea you've made so much progress my dear."

"Yes," I mumble, huffing a large stack of papers onto the short file cabinet. "You should see what I've done with your 'Magical Wall of Hocus Pocus'."

"My what?" he asks, wandering over to look at it.

"I know what everything is," I clarify. "I just have a fondness for calling it that. I wasn't sure how you would want things organized, so I decided to categorize things by purpose instead of just arranging them by type. All of the relaxation oils, fragrances and tools – from jasmine to lavender – are in the first section as you'll probably need them most frequently. The wall then progresses towards items for excitement on the other end – like citrus and cinnamon. I realize that the various tools can be used for multiple purposes, but I tried to arrange them accordingly using their most common application."

"Well…" he says, glancing at me out of the corner of his eye. "You've been very thorough. How did you know all of their applications? Did you ask Akisame?"

"No, I didn't need to," I acknowledge. "I didn't see anything that seemed out of the ordinary."

He turns to stare at me with a skeptical look. "You knew the basic applications of Cardamom and Yarrow?"

"Of course," I laugh. "Doesn't everybody? Cardamom is one of the best oils for raising someone's spirits and warming them after disheartening news – not to mention the obvious benefits as an aphrodisiac. And Yarrow is a practical staple for anyone dealing in sports medicine. What's that old nickname…? The… Soldier's Woundwart I think they call it. Anyway, those are hardly difficult."

"Of course…" he mumbles, keeping his eye on me from under the wide brim of his hat.

"Kensei, I need to ask you something rather important," I say as I turn to him, deciding to use this opportunity. "Have I permanently screwed up the arrangements you made for last night, or is there some hope of recovering them?"

"What?!" he jumps back, startled by my deduction. "Who told you that?"

"You did."

"When?" he says, dropping his hands in confusion.

"The other day… when you said I 'sweetly slit your throat.'" I clarify. "You told me then that you lost a bet to Akisame. When I asked what you bet, you mumbled something about a candlelight dinner. Then when Akisame asked me to have dinner with him yesterday, I assumed that he must be using the dinner in question. It makes a lot more sense than Akisame taking _you_ out to dinner."

"I suppose it does…" he mumbles again. "Your much too smart for your own good."

"I disagree," I say sitting down. "But you still haven't answered my question. Can I still fix this?"

"Do you want to?" he asks, snatching one of his erotic magazines off the pile and sticking his nose in it before taking a seat.

"Yes, I do." I reply, fiddling with my fingers in my lap. "It seemed very important to Akisame. I hate to think that I've completely ruined it. But if I don't make arrangements again quickly, I have a feeling he'll decide to back out. He'll draw some stupid conclusion that my little episode was somehow his fault and that he needs to back away from me again. I think you and I both know that won't end well given our track record. So… yes. I want to fix it, and as soon as possible."

"Well, then you just leave everything up to me my dear." Kensei says with a devilish grin. "Do you want all of the arrangements to be the same as before?"

"Yes, except that this time I think it should be a surprise for Akisame." I look for the right words to explain. "I don't want to give him too much time to talk himself out of it."

"What about tonight?" he asks.

"If that's possible, I think it would be great!" I say, beginning to get excited. "I can leave work early – have Apachai walk me home so Akisame doesn't worry – and get ready before he even gets home. He wouldn't need much more time than to get dressed, right?"

"I believe I can handle everything else he had in mind," he replies.

"One more thing…" I hedge. "Can I ask you a… complicated question?"

Kensei peeks up over the top of his magazine to look at me again. "I suppose."

"If you had to… define love… how would you?" I ask. Despite his lecherous reputation, Kensei is the only one in the house who is actually married, so he must have experienced something at some point in the past. Unless it was a marriage of convenience, which makes just as much practical sense.

He sets his magazine back down in his lap and folds his hands. He stares thoughtfully at me for a long time before answering. "Love means different things to different people," he begins to explain, and I feel my heart sink. "For some people it is a feeling they have around a specific person. For other people, it is a choice instead."

"What do you mean?" I ask.

"Meaning they choose that person over others in the same role," he clarifies. "For example, let's say a blindingly attractive woman arrived at Ryozanpaku tomorrow and asked Akisame to take her to dinner, or spend the night with her." The idea makes my blood run suddenly cold. "Akisame would face a choice of whether to accept her offer, or whether to turn her down and only allow you to have that kind of place in his life. In that kind of situation, love becomes a choice and not simply a feeling or a chemical response. For myself, I look at love from a slightly different angle all together."

"How do you see it?" I ask, analyzing this new perspective of choice.

"I see love as a connection between people," he explains. "This is much more flexible definition. It is also much harder to define. But it is simply a way of analyzing the connections between different people, and the nature of those connections. It is not as much about the type of connection, as the strength of it, as far as I am concerned."

"Well," I say with a deep sigh, "I'm not sure what I think of any of that, but I appreciate your opinion. Thank you for answering me seriously."

"Sadly, you're one of the few who does," Kensei sighs, casting his face sadly to the floor.

When I arrive back at the dojo after work today, Apachai greets me with a smile.

"Hello Akisame!" he shouts. "How was working?"

"It was a fairly normal day," I respond with a smile. "How have things been at home? Have I missed anything important?" I know Sachi chose to leave work early again today, and Apachai walked her home. She gave me a gentle kiss as she left, and I assumed it was probably just due to fatigue from yesterday.

"Uh…" he looks suddenly conflicted. "Apachai not say. Nothing bad happen while Akisame is gone! No bad dreams."

Apachai's avoidance is surprising, so I glance around the main room. Something catches my attention right away. There is a large vase of a dozen red roses wrapped carefully, sitting just inside the kitchen door. Sakaki and Kensei seem to be talking in hushed voices, and Miu is creeping upstairs without success in being stealthy.

"Shigure?" I ask as she walks past me with a towel in her hands. "What on Earth is everyone up to?"

"Getting… Sachi ready." She explains without stopping to chat. "For your… date."

Date? Ah. So that's what they're up to. "Kensei…" I say with a warning tone, walking over to confront him and Sakaki directly. "I hardly think this is appropriate timing for…"

"Well it really doesn't matter what you think," he says cutting me off. "This was Sachi's idea this time, not yours. I'm not going to let you disappoint her after the trouble we've all gone to."

"Sachi's idea…" I say, confused. "When did she…"

"This morning, you old fool," Sakaki spits with a laugh. "Now, stop trying to argue and go get dressed. She's going to be ready before you are if you're not careful." He gives me a shove on the back towards my workroom downstairs. "Everything's in your workroom 'cause we didn't want you going upstairs to spoil the surprise."

"Where are we going?" I ask.

"It's the same arrangements as before," Kensei explains, waving me off. "Sachi doesn't even know. She just said she wanted whatever you had already planned. Seems she was worried about you arguing with her about it, so she came to me instead. Shigure and Miu are helping her get ready. I've already gotten the roses I know you'd planned on picking up, and the car will be waiting at the gate promptly at 7 o'clock. Now hurry."

I walk into my workroom and smile at the thought of so many of them trying to be sneaky. They're completely terrible at it, which only makes it more amusing. It also amuses me that Sachi has gone to this extent to keep me out of the loop. She seems completely convinced that I will try to talk her out of it. I must admit, I had assumed that this would not be a good time to continue. However, the thought of the plans that I have in store for her tonight are exciting.

I grab my suit from its hanger in the corner of the room and begin to undress. Sachi has seen me wear it once before, when the rest of us went to go see Miu in her school play. Sachi had wanted to go, but I had still been nervous about her being in the public eye too much, and she had not been well at the time – so I used that excuse as her doctor to forbid her to go. I remember the odd look in her eyes as she looked at me when we left for the play… it was the oddest blend of frustration and lust.

My nervousness begins to rise as the hour draws closer. Shigure let me know when she came up that Akisame has already arrived home from the clinic. Part of me worries that I am once again roping him into doing something he doesn't really want to. But I remind myself that this was originally his idea. I'm just making him stick to it. Since he hasn't stormed upstairs to argue with me, I've decided to take it as a good sign.

I've taken all the steps I wanted to in getting ready. I got to soak in the hot springs for a long time, and let my tension drift out of my muscles. I've also taken the time to shave my legs again and oil my skin. I want my skin beneath that dress to be as smooth as the silk itself. I've borrowed some polish from Miu to paint my toenails, and accent my fingernails with an emerald green French tip. I was lucky that she already had the right color on hand, but I could have still gone with white if she didn't. Overall, this will probably be the nicest I've looked since I first arrived at Ryozanpaku. Heaven knows… Akisame has already seen me look like hell enough times.

I don't know what he has in store for us tonight, because I told Kensei that I wanted Akisame to still be able to surprise me. I'm still not sure what I think about love… but I know that this will be important to him. Everyone here seems to think that Akisame is in love with me, and even if it's only the way he feels… I want to let him show me in his own way. I've decided that I can't keep telling myself love is a complete lie. I feel more comfortable agreeing with Shigure, and simply acknowledging that I don't understand it.

"Feeling nervous, are we?" the Elder's voice drifts in from my open doorway.

"Yes," I admit with a blush. "I just hope I'm doing the right thing."

"What are you so afraid of being wrong about?" he asks with a smile, coming in to sit down gently on the edge of my bed.

"I just…" I set the nail polish aside and try to find the right words. "I know this means something very different to Akisame than it does to me. He believes he loves me… I think. He's never said so, but he hints at it a lot. I still don't know what I believe. At first, I was really upset because I truly believe that love is not real. I don't want to lie to him… but now. I don't know what I believe anymore. I just want to be with him, and I want him to be happy. If I'm still confused… is that wrong?"

"Does being with Akisame bring you happiness?" the Elder asks with a thoughtful expression.

"Of course!" I say with surprise. "Even if I couldn't live here at Ryozanpaku with you anymore, I would still want to be with him. He… he's the closest friend I can remember having. I mean, you all are! But with Akisame…"

"It's alright, dear one," the Elder chuckles, running a hand through my hair. "You don't have to explain. Just be honest with Akisame about how you feel, and ask him to do the same. Everything will work out in its own time. I think this outing is a wonderful idea for both of you. It will do you both good to have time alone."

"Thanks," I say with a smile, throwing my arms around his neck and giving him a quick kiss on the cheek. "You're the best!"

"Are you… ready?" Shigure asks, coming in and reaching for the dress.

Hayato takes that as his cue to leave and I hurry to let Shigure help me into the dress Akisame bought for me. We've already done my hair and makeup first, to avoid getting anything on the beautiful silk. She helps me make adjustments, so the fabric hangs on my frame properly.

"Wow…" she breathes. "It's beautiful."

I turn to see myself in the mirror and gasp at the transformation.


	23. Dinner Again

I stand at the main door to the house, feeling like a nervous teenager as I wait for her to come down. The driver arrived a few minutes ago, and Apachai ran off to ask her to hurry. I work to make myself appear calm, despite my nerves. It's ridiculous for a man my age to appear like a small boy awaiting his prom date.

"Hell, Akisame!" Sakaki shouts from his position leaning against the doorframe. "Loosen up man. You look scary standing there like a statue. You'll give the poor woman a heart attack."

The thought makes my mouth kick up in a smirk. I am not worried about Sachi having a heart attack. I'm worried about myself. I purchased that dress the day I decided to woo her. It may be one of the most extravagant pieces of clothing I've ever purchased. There's no doubt in my mind it will fit her perfectly, as I've seen her beautiful dimensions often enough. The dress was already a fairly close match, so I asked them to make the appropriate alterations, giving a little more allowance for her gorgeous hips and breasts while drawing in a bit more around her waist and knees. Her form has the most luscious curves.

"Akisame!" Apachai's voice booms from the upstairs as he leaps down to the first floor, ignoring the rope. "Sachi is coming!" He runs over to grip my shoulder and shake me. "Sachi looks like angel! Apachai not know Sachi is so pretty!"

"Apachai, calm down." I scold him with a chuckle.

"Holy…." I hear Sakaki breathe, and I turn towards the upstairs.

The Elder is setting her gently on her feet after bringing her to the first floor. I catch a faint glimpse of her bare legs as her dress drifts back down to her ankles, and my mouth goes completely dry as I rake up her form. The dress fits her like a silk glove, highlighting each curve of her body with a luscious emerald shimmer. The embroidery hugs the soft feminine curve of her lower belly and then dances up to cup the curve of her breast. The sinfully deep plunge of her bodice nearly makes me blush at my choice, and I can feel the tightening in my suit pants in response. The collar on the dress brings out her pretty little collar bones.

As I lift my eyes to her face, her eyes stand out starkly like pure emeralds and I feel as if they will pull me into her very soul. Her hair is put up on top of her head and cascades down her shoulders in a glorious riot of curls. Overall, she looks like a fairy from an Irish folktale, come to cast a spell on me and steal my sanity. It makes me wonder about her heritage, as I realized when I first met her that her coloring indicated she was not likely to be from a Japanese bloodline.

"Akisame?" she asks, with a nervous giggle, snapping me out of my trance.

I walk over to her and take her gloved hand, bringing it to my lips for a gentle kiss. "Have I ever told you how beautiful you are?"

"You've mentioned it before," she says with a sultry smile, looking much less nervous. "but it's always nice to hear. You're looking pretty good yourself."

"Apachai thinks Akisame and Sachi look like cutest couple in the world!" he shouts with eyes full of emotion.

I let out a warm laugh, and turn towards the door, offering Sachi my arm. She takes it gently and we head to the car, waving our goodbyes at the gate. With the kind of uproar the lot of them are causing, you would think we were leaving for our honeymoon instead of just dinner.

I smile at my date from across the table, loving her company and finding surprise after surprise at her behavior tonight. Despite her blunt attitude and straight-forward approach to daily life, her entire presence seemed to transform as soon as we arrived. I realize now that there is still much I do not know about this beautiful woman.

I have brought us to the most expensive restaurant in town. None of the menu is in Japanese, and our attire is considered normal dinner dress here. I had to hide my complete shock as she turned to the waiter and ordered in fluent French – which she didn't even seem to register as odd after I turned to him and did the same. She hasn't balked at the complicated place settings at the table or the social nuances of interacting with folks here. She seems almost natural in this environment, and this builds a nervous flutter in my stomach.

"You seem very comfortable here," I comment to her.

"Yeah," she remarks absently, watching the couples dancing in the center of the big ballroom. "It's weird, but it all seems really familiar…"

"Parlez-vous Francais?" I ask.

"Oh, oui," she giggles. "Je parle suffisant pour se débrouiller…" suddenly she looks up into my eyes in surprise, throwing her fingers against her lips in surprise. "Oh my God! I speak French?"

"So it would seem," I say with a warm laugh. "Have you seen anything new?"

"No," she says with a sigh. "Other than the other night… everything is still a blank slate."

"Do you know how to dance?" I ask, and her smile returns with radiance.

"I'm not sure, but I would love to try."

I stand and grasp her hand in mine, pulling her gently to her feet. The music in the restaurant is soft and sensual, without being blatantly sexual. I lead her over to the area where other couples are dancing and pull her gently against me with an arm around her waist. I decide to start off with a simple waltz, to see if she can get her bearings. Without hesitation, she follows my lead and we glide across the dance floor.

She carries the grace of a martial artist into her movements the same way I do. I love the feeling of her skin and silk sliding beneath my hands. After a few minutes I decide to throw in some more complicated steps, but she never falters as I spin her around the floor. I twirl her beneath my arm, and the skirt of her dress flares out around the knees. I twirl her out as she swings up one of her legs, and then spin her back against me. I lift her lightly from her feet and spin, setting her back down and dipping her low. I press a gentle kiss to her collar bone and bring her back up to stand at my side as the room around us erupts in clapping.

I turn to see the other diners and dancers have stopped to watch the grace of our dance. They all look very pleased, and a couple of the men shoot me a wink or nudge their drinking buddy in the ribs at the prize I've managed to catch. One man in the back, tall and lean with close-cropped black hair, looks almost angry at my triumph. A couple of the women look starry-eyed. I turn to Sachi, and see that she is blushing over all the attention.

"Would you like to return to the table?" I ask her with a whisper.

"Yes," she says, slightly out of breath. "Please."

I lead her back to our table and motion to the waiter to replenish our water glasses. Sachi takes a small sip of her wine, and then shoots me a dazzling smile.

"My God," she laughs, "as if you weren't already good at everything else. You certainly know how to show a girl a good time."

"I'm glad to hear that," I say with a laugh, "I have to admit, it's been quite a while since I've bothered trying. It's good to know some things don't fade."

She looks at me, and rakes her eyes down my form again, and her eyes turn sensual.

"I bet you're good at a lot more things I don't know about yet," she says with a devilish grin.

"That, my dear," I say clearing my throat, "is for me to know, and you to wonder."

Suddenly her eyes shift from sensual to curious. "Akisame…" she says hesitantly, "can I ask you something personal?"

Uh oh. I sit back in my seat and regard her carefully, picking up my wine glass and taking another whiff of the pleasant aroma. "Of course," I agree.

"Have you ever been married before?" she asks, nearly knocking the wind out of me.

"No," I let out with a startled laugh. "Honestly, I never found the time. I was always traveling and training to perfect my form of judo. After a time… I guess I just decided it wasn't meant to be. Why?"

"I guess, I just realized I've never asked you and it wouldn't be polite to assume," she replies. "But you've taken lovers before haven't you?"

"Well, yes," I admit with a bit of discomfort.

"Did you love them?" she asks, with true curiosity in her expression.

I am suddenly very worried about where this discussion is headed, but I take a sip of my wine and forcibly calm myself. It would not be right of me to ignore her questions, or to be dishonest with her. After all, I very desperately want to take her to my bed as a lover, but have placed this expectation on her myself.

"Not all of them, no," I admit. "In fact, very honestly, not many of them."

Her eyes suddenly look hurt, and she casts them away to stare down at her napkin. She gets the cutest little crease between her eyebrows and chews softly on her bottom lip.

"I suppose you're wondering why I'm treating you so differently," I finally say, trying to bring her eyes back to me.

"It's alright," she says, twisting her napkin furiously and turning to stare out at the dancers again.

"No, it's not," I argue. "Not if it makes you feel like I desire you less. That would be untrue."

"You shouldn't have to explain yourself…" she starts.

"Yes, I should," I intervene. "I have placed a burden on your shoulders and I should have to explain why if I intend for you to understand it. In truth, darling, I am not terribly proud of my younger years. I was completely focused on my martial arts training as I traveled the world. However, it has always been my personal belief that a man should be equally skilled in the arts of love and war. I practiced both in an effort to perfect them. I encountered many martial artists and many women, but few of them left me with anything more meaningful than skill. In my youth, I did not distinguish the difference between the physical act of love and the bonds of real love itself. I realize now that I have likely caused a lot of unnecessary pain through those actions."

"But I don't understand," she says turning her eyes back to me. "What do you believe love is?"

"Hmmm…" I chuckle. "That is a much more complicated question than you realize. Philosophers have spent entire lifetimes trying to answer that very question, and I don't expect to surpass them. For me, love is something… beyond definition. Love is beauty, and fluid, adapting itself to the time and place as needed without clarity or sense. Love can be for a family, a friend, or a lover. I believe that love, between two people, should be a living growing thing. In the instant in which you believe you could truly measure and define it, it would mean it had died. It should make room for grief, surround for comfort, and strive daily to bring joy. Love should be about bringing happiness to the focus of that love, instead of to yourself."

I can see the wheels in her mind turning. She glances out at the dance floor again, and then turns back to me. It is obvious that she wants to ask me a question – possibly the most important question of my life – but instead she simply blushes and stares back down at her food.

"Yes." I say, waiting for her to meet her eyes again.

"I didn't say…" she starts.

"No, but the question is already in your eyes," I reply, setting my wine glass back down and taking her hand. "My answer is Yes, Sachi. I am in love with you. I have been for quite some time. It's alright if you don't feel the same way."

"How can you say that?" she asks, with the hint of tears in her eyes.

"I can say that _because _I love you," I try to explain. "To be with you is enough. I love to hear your voice, and see your beautiful face every morning and every night. I love to hold you when you're frightened, and tease you when you're grumpy. I love to see you interact with my family like they are your own. I can wait for you to decide what you feel."

"How am I supposed to know what I feel?" she asks, sitting back in her chair in frustration. "You talk about it like it is such a simple thing. I realized the other night, when I had that flashback… that I don't even know what love is. How am I supposed to be able to decide if I love someone, when I don't even know what that means? Everyone I ask gives me a different definition."

"Excuse me, madame?" the waiter cuts in. "Would you like me to pack the rest of that away for you?"

"Yes, please," she responds with a charming smile, handing him the rest of her dish. I shake my head, and he heads back towards the kitchen.

"I'm sorry," she mumbles.

"Don't be," I say with a laugh. "I am still enjoying myself. I am actually glad you decided to ask me. If you don't know what you believe yet, that's perfectly fine." I bring her hands to my lips across the table and plant a soft kiss on her knuckles. "I will give you all the time you need, my love. What's important is that you understand how I feel. In time, you will be able to tell me what you believe."

"Why is it so important to you this time?" she suddenly asks. "Why am I different?"

"Because, darling," I try to explain. "I did not want anything more from those other women. They were not my friends, or a significant part of my life. You are simply too important. I'm afraid…" I rest my forehead on her raised hands and shut my eyes for a moment, deciding to take the risk. "I'm afraid that once I have you that way… I'll never want anyone else. I won't have the strength left to let you go. I can't give you that part of myself without giving you everything."

"And that is love?" she asks.

I raise my head again and meet her warm smile.

"Yes, beautiful," I say kissing her hand again. "That is my meaning of love."


	24. Visitor

The next morning, I awake to the familiar scent and feeling of Akisame's skin. I nuzzle my nose against his throat, and kiss it gently.

"Good morning, beautiful," he chuckles in my ear.

"Good morning."

Dinner with him last night was like living a dream. I can't ever remember feeling so happy. I'm glad I finally asked him his own thoughts on love too. Although I cannot say whether he is right or wrong, I at least know how he defines it, and why he feels the way he does. It was surprising to hear him say that he may not have the strength to walk away from me. His words remind me of the ache I get in my chest whenever he isn't around.

I take a deep breath, and giggle with surprise as a rose petal swoops in to cling to my nose. I have to admit I may have gotten carried away last night after we returned home. Maybe it was the wine… but I was feeling positively giddy. He gave me a dozen beautiful red roses when we walked back through the doors of Ryozanpaku. I carried them up to my room, and when I got there, I was overwhelmed with the most ridiculous desire.

Before he joined me, I plucked the petals from half of the flowers and spread them under the top sheet. I changed from my dress into a tiny tank top and shorts, baring as much skin and I could, and then shimmied inside. When Akisame finally arrived in my room, dressed in simple sleeping pants, he pulled back the covers and was quite shocked to see me surrounded by the soft little satiny spots of color. He looked very nervous, but after a little bit of pleading with him, he finally crawled in with me. I explained to him that I wanted to feel them against my skin as I slept, and wake up with the smell in the morning.

I wriggle beneath the blankets, relishing both the feeling of the petals and his skin. As I curl my leg up along his front, my leg grazes his arousal, and he suddenly grips my hip to stop the movement.

"I'm afraid that's much too dangerous for this hour of the morning," he growls softly in my ear.

"Mmmmm…" I moan lightly, pulling myself up to kiss his lips. "But it feels so good. I told you the petals were a good idea."

"That's debatable," he says as a shudder runs through him.

He kisses me back with sudden abandon as his hands begin to trace the curves of my leg and up to my ass, squeezing gently as his arousal presses urgently against the inside of my thigh. He rolls over, settling his weight against me as his lips demand the very breath from my lungs. He grips the back of my hair firmly with his other hand as his mouth travels down my throat and lower, towards my chest.

"Akisame…" I try to whisper, "I… I thought you didn't want to…"

Suddenly his movements halt, and his entire frame shudders in protest. He buries his face in my neck and lets out a nearly feral growl.

"My God, woman…" he croaks. "You're going to ruin me."

"I'm sorry…" I whisper in true apology. The grimace in his face indicates he must truly be in pain.

"It's alright," he groans. "I am going to see what's for breakfast. You should join me when you're ready."

He jumps up from the bed and heads downstairs without even bothering to put on a shirt. I roll over and try to take a deep breath. Akisame is right. I'd better decide what I think soon or we may both die of sexual frustration. I squeeze my legs together in defiance of my raging libido. After a little while, I decide to head downstairs. I don't bother changing out of the tank top and shorts, but wrap a kimono around me to lessen the visibility of my erect nipples. I hear a knock on the door, but see that Miu is headed to get it so I head on into the kitchen.

"Do you…" Sakaki says in disbelief while talking to Akisame, "Smell like roses?" He covers his eyes with his hand and lets out a raucous laugh. "Holy shit, man," he continues. "What did you do? Sleep in them?"

"I'll leave that up to your imagination…" Akisame mutter with a grin as he fills a plate with bacon and pancakes – both staples in the Ryozanpaku household.

I smile at the both of them from across the room. Everyone is here, seated for breakfast, except for Shigure who is taking up her normal place in the rafters.

"I'm afraid I must insist!" an angry and unfamiliar man's voice bursts from the main room.

"Wait!" Miu screeches.

Instinctively, I dive around the corner, peeking out to see the man barrel into the room full of surprised and angry masters. He hasn't even made five steps inside before Shigure has her sword blade against his throat.

"Speak!" she shouts. "Before I… kill you."

He seems surprisingly unperturbed by the blade, and anger shines from his bright blue eyes. He is tall and lean, dressed in a tightly fitted suit. He has short black hair, similar to Akisame's, but cropped significantly shorter. He strikes me like a wealthy business man, but I have no memory of seeing him before. Perhaps he knows one of the masters…?

"Where is she?!" he shouts, staring directly at Akisame.

"I'm afraid you'll have to give us more context than that," Akisame says in a calm but serious tone. "You can't simply barge into someone's home and demand to see someone without so much as giving their name."

"Melissa, you cocky son of a bitch!" the man spits.

Akisame takes a sip of orange juice, without meeting the man's gaze. To a stranger he would look completely at ease – bored even – but I can feel the tension radiating from him. "I'm afraid I don't know who you're…"

"Don't lie to me you bastard!" the crazed man screams again. "I saw you last night!" The man starts to unbutton his shirt sleeves and roll them up, obviously prepping for a fight. "You have about 30 seconds to tell me where my wife is before I kick the living shit out of you!"

I feel shock radiate through my body. His wife? Melissa? Is he talking about me?! This man doesn't even look familiar! No… wait! I do remember seeing him, just briefly as we danced in the ballroom. But I didn't recognize him then either. He was just a face in the crowd… but he did get my attention for a moment…

"You'd better back it up with that sword, girly," the man has the balls to threaten Sigure. "Before someone gets hurt."

"The only one to… get hurt," she says, preparing to strike, "is you!"

"WAIT!" I screech, bursting out from my hiding place around the corner, and Shigure halts her movement.

The angry man turns to face me, and his expression melts into disbelief and grief. "Melissa?" he whispers. "Melissa baby? Are you okay, honey? Did they hurt you?"

I stand like a deer in the headlights just staring at him. His body changes completely from the aggressive stance, and he sinks down to his knees, practically crawling towards me. Everyone begins to back away from him, and from me, in obvious shock. None of them feel as shocked as I do. I'm wracking my brain as hard as I can, but I've got nothing. I don't recognize his voice… his face… I'd swear I'd never met this man before in my life. But he's looking at me like I'm his whole world, and I feel like a monster because of it.

"Melissa, why?" he says with pain in his voice. "Why haven't you come home baby? I've been looking everywhere for you. Jesus Christ, you just left one morning saying you were headed to the store and… and you never came back! I tried the police, I tried the hospitals, I tried searching for you on foot. My God, they told me if you hadn't come back by now that you were probably dead!"

"I… I'm sorry," I whisper, not knowing what to do. I try to look at Akisame, but his back is turned. He is gripping the countertop so hard his entire hands are white. I look back to the man and he sees where I'm looking. His face turns angry again.

"Are you leaving me?" he asks. "Is that what this is? Is this asshole the reason you haven't come home?!"

Akisame suddenly turns around to face the man again with a solemn expression. "My name is Akisame Koetsuji," he explains. "I am her doctor, and I'm afraid there's been a mis…"

"DON'T YOU LIE TO ME YOU SON OF A BITCH!" the man shouts, jumping back up on his feet. Sakaki moves in faster than I even realized he could move to pin the man's arms behind his back.

"Now hold on a minute! Calm the fuck down!" Sakaki yells.

"Let go of me asshole!" the man rages, trying to break free. "I know what I saw! I was at that restaurant last night, trying to convince a government official to help me find her, and there she was! Dancing with this prick! I saw you kiss her, you bastard! You think I'm just gonna stand by and let you screw my wife?! I'll kill you first!"

Suddenly Kensei breezes through the room and before I can even blink he hits the man squarely between the eyes with one of his needles. "Go to sleep!" he says sternly, and the man collapses into a heap at Sakaki's feet.

They all turn to look at me and I burst into tears.

Everyone runs to comfort Sachi, leaving her enraged husband lying on the floor like a broken doll. Everyone but me. I feel like my heart is splintering into a thousand different pieces. This is exactly what I had feared. This is exactly what I was expecting when Apachai brought her to me that first day. How could I be such a fool?! I let the span of time erode my will, and let her gentle form take root in my heart. I let myself begin to hope, to dream. But she was never mine to keep. I quietly open the door to the training yard and slip outside to sit on the porch.

I close my eyes and try to breathe through the pain. Only moments ago I held her in my arms, I nearly made love to her… and now, she will be ripped from my life. Like a firework that shot through my sky, burning brightly and brilliantly, before disappearing forever. After a moment, I feel Shigure's hand come to rest on my shoulder. She sets something in my lap, and I can feel the familiar fabric of one of my judo outfits.

"I am… so sorry… Akisame," she whispers, and I believe it may be the first time I've heard emotion in her voice since she was a child – heard grief.

I nod a gentle thanks to her and begin to dress right here on the porch, simply slipping the garments on over my other clothes. Sachi's sobs are breaking my heart from within the other room. I want to run to her, to cradle her in my arms, but it's just like before. It's not me she needs. Not now.

"I don't know who he is!" she cries. "I swear Sakaki! I've never seen him before! I mean… I noticed him yesterday at dinner, but I noticed a lot of people!"

"It's okay, sweetheart," he tries to console her. "It's gonna be okay. Kensei just put him to sleep so we can talk some sense into him. We'll try to find out what he's talkin' about then, alright? You just need to breathe, sweetheart. There you go…"

"What do you suppose we should do with him?" Kensei asks the group.

"He was in quite a rage when you put him to sleep, Kensei," the Elder responds in a level voice. "He isn't likely to be much calmer when he awakes. I think, given the circumstances, we should probably tie him up. Otherwise he's not likely to listen to what we have to say. That would be unfortunate. Did he say what his name was Miu?"

"Yes," she says with a shaken voice. "I'm so sorry Grandpa. I didn't mean to let him in, but he just stormed past me. I thought he was mad about a bill or something! He said his name was Jean Luc Estair, or something like that. He asked to come in and speak to the man of the house, but when I tried to make him wait, he just pushed his way in!"

"That's quite alright, Miu," Hayato consoles her, "There's no need for you to deal with something like this on your own. You did perfectly fine my dear. Akisame. Please come join me."

I stand to my feet, trying to numb my heart to what I am about to endure. I walk back into the dojo and meet his eyes, without looking at Sachi… Melissa. The Elder looks weary and his eyes hold an apology. I turn to see that Apachai has already tied the man up in one of our kitchen chairs. I realize as I glance at him again that he has a very similar build to my own if you don't consider the quality of the muscular structure. Even then, he is obviously in very good shape. His similarities to my own are striking, leaving an ache in my chest as I wonder if that's why she has found me attractive all of this time.

"I'm sorry old friend," Hayato states, "but we're going to need you to explain the real situation to him when he wakes up. I will speak with him first, as I am not the focal point of his rage. If I can manage to get him to speak with you and listen to you, then I will ask you to step in."

"Now, hold on just one Goddamn minute!" Sakaki says, stepping into view. I glance out of the corner of my eye to see Sachi now weeping softly into Miu's arms, so I turn back quickly. "We're not gonna just hand her over are we? We don't even know who the hell this guy is! And I'm sorry… but I seem to remember her remembering something recently which makes me less than excited to hand her over to anyone his size! Just because he's all weepy now doesn't mean he's not some sick, twisted bastard."

Sakaki's words make my blood boil, but I can no longer trust my own judgment. I am just too close to this. I would come up with any excuse to keep her out of another man's arms, and in my own.

"We must give him a chance to explain himself without revealing how much we know," Hayato reasons while stroking his blonde beard. "We'll see what he has to say, and then decide which course of action is best. I will not ask her to go with anyone she does not feel completely safe with, and she must know she is always welcome to return to us if the need arises."


	25. Jean Luc

I sit, rooted to my chair, staring at the unconscious man who claims to be my husband. They've got him tied up really well, but it still makes me nervous. I keep trying to remember something… anything about him. If he is my husband… that means this man has been my lover. I glance at his hands. They are large and slender, but not rough. His hands match his suit, implying business. His hair and build are similar to Akisame's… but his face is radically different. He has a much squarer jaw like Sakaki, and though they are closed now I know his eyes are a brilliant blue. His lips are delicate and he has no facial hair of any kind. There's no doubt about it… the man is strikingly handsome… but completely unfamiliar.

Could I really have forgotten him? He seems like such a large presence. Surely if this man had taken me to his bed, I would at least remember him! I inch my way closer to him, examining the planes of his face with my fingertips. His eyes suddenly open, staring angrily into my own and my breath catches in my throat. He shifts in his bindings, struggling against the rope, before he looks around and then returns his eyes to me. Suddenly his eyes shift again, become soft and loving.

"Are you alright?" he whispers to me.

"I… I don't…" I don't know what to say. I don't want to upset him again. "Yes."

"Are they keeping you here?" he continues to whisper.

"No."

His eyes turn sad and he casts his gaze to his lap. "Do you not love me anymore?"

"No!" I whisper in confusion. "That's not it. I don't… I don't know what's going on."

"Kiss me." He begs. "Please, Melissa. Kiss me just one more time. Kiss me and then tell me you don't love me."

Love?! What is with all these stupid men and their love?! I feel so lost. I decide that one small kiss can't hurt. If anything, maybe it can help me remember something. I lean in close to his face, and he begins to softly close his eyes. I gently touch my lips to his, and he begins to kiss me tenderly for only moments, before he turns more passionate. The kiss is pleasant enough, but still completely unfamiliar. I can feel his body strain against the ropes as if he wants to hold me. His desire is apparent. I break away, feeling even more lost than I did before. Drat!

"Please, love," he begs me. "Tell me what's going on."

"She does not know who you are," the Elder's voice cuts in loudly from the doorway, and I jump back from the stranger in surprise. I did not realize anyone had come back in. Akisame is standing in the shadow just behind Hayato's shoulder, but I cannot see his face.

"Don't be ridiculous," the man spits. "She's my wife! Of course she knows who I am!"

"I'm afraid things are a bit more complicated than you realize," Hayato continues to explain. "We want to tell you the full truth as we understand it. However, you're going to have to agree to hear us out. You're going to have to listen to my friend, Akisame, without trying to rip his throat out."

"You mean the bastard that's sleeping with my wife!" the man shouts, pulling against his bindings again.

"Oh my God, he hasn't had sex with me!" I screech at the man. "I swear! All this time Akisame has completely forbid it, and now you're going to jump down his throat for something he didn't even do!"

The man turns to look at me skeptically, then he just looks confused.

"Fine!" the man shouts. "But somebody better start explaining what the hell's going on or I'm going to call the police and have you all arrested!"

"I would first like to ask you who _you _are if you don't mind," Hayato insists. "I understand the circumstances are highly unusual, but I don't take kindly to strangers barging into my home and threatening my guests."

"My name," he spits, "is Jean Luc Estair. I am a businessman from a very powerful, noble French bloodline. I have diplomatic immunity here, and I assure you, I can have this place under intense investigation with a mere snap of my fingers. My wife and I came here six months ago, to handle a business deal before she disappeared. I have stayed to search for her ever since."

"Very well, Jean Luc," Hayato replies. "Are you willing to listen to Akisame without jumping to conclusions?"

"Of course…" Jean Luc sneers.

Akisame steps more fully into the room, and I can tell that the rest of Ryozanpaku is listening from the other side of the doorway.

"I apologize for the misunderstanding," Akisame begins, taking a seat next to the Elder, "but I feel that I need to clarify something up front. I have not ever had sex with your wife. I know what it must have looked like last night and this morning, but while I find her very attractive and have come to think of her as a friend – we have never crossed the line to become lovers."

The man seems angry enough to make the muscle in his jaw jump erratically, but he simply stares into Akisame's eyes and says nothing.

"What I am about to tell you is the full truth as I understand it. Your wife is suffering from a severe and nearly complete case of injury-induced amnesia. We do not know her as Melissa. She chose the name Sachi for herself shortly after arriving here, and we have used that ever since."

The man snorts in disbelief, and glances over at my face. I feel so guilty as I look at him that a tear rolls down my cheek, and his face begins to fall slack.

"Are you telling me…" Jean Luc nearly croaks, "that you don't remember me?"

"I'm so sorry…" I whisper.

"But… when you kissed me…?" he protests.

"I… I thought maybe it would help," I try to explain, "but I still… I don't…" My hands flutter around helplessly as I search for words to describe my utter failure.

"Jesus Christ…" he whispers with his head sagging nearly to his chest.

"I first met Sa… Melissa," Akisame corrects himself, "when she was brought to my clinic for treatment. She was severely injured, with a significant wound to the head. I am a doctor and have a clinic nearby. I treated her injuries as best as I could. When she awoke a few days later, she had no memory of who she was, or what had happened to her. As far as I can tell, the amnesia is extremely extensive."

"I welcomed her into our home to heal and give her time to try and discover her real identity," Hayato adds. "But so far, she has shown no significant progress other than her physical healing. She has lived with us, and we have come to see her as a member of our small family. I realize this must come as a shock to you, but I assure you we meant her no harm."

"Why the hell didn't you take her to a hospital?!" he exclaims. "How the hell was anyone supposed to know to look for her here? Did it not occur to you that she may have a family looking for her?!"

"It was not that simple," Hayato attempts to explain. "It was another member of our family, Apachai Hopachai, who found her and brought her to the clinic. He had intervened in a fight between your wife and a few strangers. She had appeared to be trying to escape from them. He fought them off, but was unable to prevent the blow one of them gave her to the head, which we believe caused the amnesia."

"That's no excuse!" Jean Luc shouts.

"Apachai informed us that she seemed adamant before losing consciousness that she could not be taken to a hospital," Akisame continues to try and explain. "This may be difficult to hear, but the severity of her injuries was also concerning. It pointed to the possibility of long-term abuse and even torture. We were all concerned with who might come looking for her. When she awoke with no memory, I explained her injuries to her and asked if she would like to be taken to the hospital for evaluation. She didn't elect to, so we offered her shelter in the hopes that her memory might return."

Jean Luc turns to look into my eyes with tears in his own. "My God, baby…" he breathes, "What did they do to you?"

I shrug, not really sure what to say. "I don't remember any of it…" I say weakly.

"When did you find her?" he asks, turning back to Akisame.

"It was the first week of May," Akisame replies.

"God.." Jean Luc says, hanging his head again. "That means they must have had you for two months… but it's gonna be okay, baby," he says turning his eyes back to me with a smile. "I'm gonna take you home now."

_HOME?! _My mind races. I don't even know this man! I can feel panic beginning to race through my chest.

"I know this is not what you want to hear," the Elder speaks up again, "but I am not comfortable releasing her into your care without proof of your claims. After all, you could be one of the very people who hurt her in the first place. Do you have any evidence to support your story?"

"Of course I do," he says in an angry voice. "In my briefcase, in the car outside. Bring it here.. and for God's sake untie me! Then I'll show you everything you need."

"Shigure," Akisame calls to her, and in a flash she swoops in and cuts all the lengths of rope in one swoosh of her sword.

"I'm… watching you." She warns him.

"Is this what you're talkin' about?" Sakaki comes in holding up a red leather briefcase.

"Yes," Jean Luc replies, standing and straightening his tie. "It's alright, baby."

He leans over and kisses the top of my head casually before strolling over to meet Sakaki. I still feel completely unnerved. None of this feels real. Could I be having just another bad dream? I follow all of them numbly over to the table in the main room.

"Look, it's all here," Jean Luc says popping the locks on the briefcase open. "Here's the police report I filed the day she went missing. Here's a copy of our marriage certificate and her birth certificate. Here's a photo of her last June at the annual company party. Didn't she look gorgeous?" He turns to glance at me with a small smile. In the photo in question, I'm standing at the top of a huge flight of marble stairs in a light satin ball gown. My face is stoic as I stand with a drink in my hand. No one is with me. "Here's a copy of the report I filed with the government, trying to make them respond to it as an international investigation. They turned me down flat, saying my wife had simply run off and it wasn't their problem. The bastards…"

"How long have we been married?" I ask him, trying to get my bearings.

"Four years last August," he says with a sigh. "You really don't remember, baby? Come on… you must remember something?"

"I'm sorry," I say for what must be the millionth time. "Before I woke up in the clinic it's all just… blank. Do… do I have any hobbies?"

"Yeah…" he replies. "Of course. You uh, you go shopping with your girlfriends. You like to attend the big parties with my business associates. You uh…" he straightens his tie again, almost seeming nervous. "And you study some martial arts crap. I don't know much about it."

Something feels off in his answer, and I can feel the communal wave of disapproval at his comment about "martial arts crap" from the other masters.

"I do?" I ask. "Why?"

"Look…" he says, running his hands through his hair. "I really don't want to add more to your plate to make you upset, baby, okay? If you really don't remember maybe it's better forgotten."

"No," I disagree. "I need to know why I would study martial arts when it's something you don't care about. Was it to protect me from you?" I don't know why I am pushing him, but I don't like him trying to keep me in the dark. This man isn't the right shape to match the one from my memory… That man was a mountain, built more like Sakaki. But something just feels off.

"Hell no!" he shouts angry again, then visibly tries to calm down. "Look… you. You had a boyfriend that used to rough you up before we met. I still – to this day – don't know what that son of a bitch did to you. You would never tell me. I just…" he drags a hand over his face. "I just know you used to scream and cry a lot in your sleep. He was some big martial arts master or somethin'. You said you eventually left him, and he beat you real bad, but he left you alone after that. You took the martial arts training because you said you wanted to be able to fight him if he came back for you. I told you, you shouldn't have to worry about that shit. I'd take care of you. But… hell, maybe I was wrong."

He sits down in one of the chairs around the table and places his head in his hands. His explanation makes sense, and I feel awful again. I awkwardly walk over to him and place my hand on his shoulder as a sign of comfort. He grasps my hand and kisses it.

"Can we go home now, baby?" he asks, with his eyes closed. "I'm so tired of this damned country. I just want you back at home, in bed, where I can keep you safe. I promise… no more business trips, no more anything until you feel better. I swear. Just come home with me… please."


	26. Leaving Home

I refused to leave with Jean Luc despite his anger and complaints. It has been nearly a week since he arrived at Ryozanpaku. He leaves each night for his hotel, but he comes back each morning to spend the day with me and try to help me remember him. He touches me a lot, the way that Akisame used to. He seems to do much of it almost absently – a kiss on the head, an arm around my waist as we walk, running his fingers through my hair – but sometimes his efforts are more targeted. He has outright used his body to try and seduce me more than once, arguing that maybe I would remember him then.

I feel terrible nearly all the time now. I feel terrible for pushing him away, when he so obviously wants to be with me. I feel like some kind of failure for getting myself in this situation in the first place. When Jean Luc touches me… I feel the physical pleasure of it, but it makes my chest ache. All I can think when he kisses me… is that he's not Akisame.

Akisame has left me completely and did so immediately. The very first moment I got a chance to speak with him alone the morning Jean Luc arrived, he held me at an arm's length. He said he was sorry for all the confusion he had caused, and that he would not perpetuate it any further. He said that the only way he could behave appropriately was to completely walk away. He was as good as his word. He hasn't come to my bed again, and he does little more than nod when we have the chance to walk by one another in the hallway. He has almost completely locked himself away in his work room day-in and day-out. Miu even brings his dinner in there for him to take alone. I have not pressed him on the issue – not once – because I'm terribly afraid of making it worse.

Another bad side effect of everything is showing up in my dreams. I didn't realize that I've ever had trouble sleeping, but with Akisame now gone from my bed and this new pressure on me from Jean Luc, I have been waking all of Ryozanpaku up most nights. Apachai confessed to me that I used to cry and talk in my sleep before Akisame started spending the night with me – which explains why Apachai was so happy about it in the first place.

Originally, it was only Apachai who could hear me. Now… I get woken up night after night by one or the other of them – never Akisame – trying to pull me from nightmares that never touch my waking mind. Jean Luc blames them on my ex-boyfriend; someone apparently named Christoff. He has offered to sleep at Ryozanpaku with me, or bring me back to his hotel for the nights, but I have always declined. It seems like it would be difficult for him to exercise the same restraint as Akisame. After all, he has actually had sex with me many times before. I imagine that would be a hard habit to break.

"Good morning, young friend," the Elder's voice reaches me as I stare blankly into a bowl of cereal. I look up at him and he takes my hand gently into his giant one. "How are you holding up?"

"I'm beginning to believe the universe has made a terrible mistake," I admit.

"What do you mean?" he asks, sitting down beside me and pulling me up onto his knee like a little girl.

"I should never have lived," I try to explain, looking down at my shaking hands. "That would have solved everything. Jean Luc would not be pining for a woman who doesn't even know him, and Akisame would not be in pain. They would have both gone on with their lives."

"Nonsense!" he says with a startled expression. "Young lady, that kind of thinking is not going to get you anywhere helpful." He puts a finger under my chin and lifts my eyes to meet his own. "Now… I have lived a long time, and I have learned a lot along the way. You hear what I have to say now, and you hear it well. Love always enhances life – it does not take away from it. It may be a painful thing to lose, but I don't think for a moment that Akisame would have traded his time with you for the pain it would spare him now. Even if you are gone from his sight, he will be able to look back and remember you – remember the way that you brightened his soul. Jean Luc, I imagine, is the same. It may be difficult for him now, but how much more difficult would it have been if he had found you – broken as you were and cast aside by some monster. He would not fight so hard now to get you back if he did not value that love."

"I don't know what to do…" I whisper.

The Elder lets out a heavy sigh and lets me lean my head against his shoulder. "Neither do I, dear one. It's quite the puzzle. But if there's one thing I know for sure, it is that I am glad Akisame and Kensei were able to save you that day. I'm glad you came to our home and shared your warmth and your life with my family. Do not fear leaving here, if that is what holds you back. Our door will always be open to you, and you could even come to visit if you would like to now and then. France is a long way from here, but not unreachable."

"Thank you," I whisper.

I look up to see Jean Luc walking in through the Ryozanpaku main gate. I stand up and walk out to meet him. He greets me with his typical morning peck on the lips. It still makes me uncomfortable, but I try to be gracious about it.

"Did you sleep any better?" he asks. He looks ragged himself.

"It was alright," I hedge. "Sakaki woke me up from it pretty early. He held me for a little while until I calmed down. I slept through the night after that."

I decide to leave out the small detail that I slept curled up like a kitten on Sakaki's chest because he said he would kill something if he heard me scream one more time. He said his nerves couldn't take it, and it would just be another one of our little secrets.

"I still don't like the idea of you being here will all these big guys," Jean Luc complains. "If they ever…"

"Oh stop it!" I shout, then regret it at the look of hurt in his eyes. "They would never hurt me. I told you that."

"Hey," he says, swiping a weary hand over his face and glancing back towards the house. "Is there a place we could talk alone?"

"Sure," I agree, and wander with him back towards the hot springs.

"Look," he says after we are out of ear shot. "I've been trying not to pressure you. I know this is really hard, baby, and I'm sorry – but you have to come home with me now. I'm out of time, and I'm sure as hell not leaving you here."

"I'm sorry, Jean Luc," I hedge, "but I'm not ready to leave yet. I…"

"God damnit!" he suddenly shouts, grabbing my upper arms in a painful grasp. "I want you _home! _Now I have to leave this country, and it has to be tonight. You can come with me, or you can stay – but there will be hell to pay if you stay."

He is beginning to frighten me. I throw my forearms out and down hard, breaking his hold on my arms. I bring my fists up, ready to strike him if he reaches for me again. He backs off instantly.

"What is that supposed to mean?" I spit, "And don't you _ever_ touch me like that again!"

"I mean, baby," he says with anger in his eyes, "that I will bring the law down on these people so hard that their heads will spin. I'll have that Akisame guy thrown in prison for kidnapping, and sue him for malpractice while I'm at it. I _will _get you back – one way or the other."

"You can't do that!" I cry in sudden panic.

"Yes, I can," he argues. "I already got everything ready last night. You can either accept it now and come home with me, or we can do things the hard way. But I'll be damned if I'm leaving here without you."

"And what if I come home with you and I _still_ can't remember anything?!" I say, near tears at the thought. "What if I _can't love you?!_"

He stares at the ground and clenches his jaw tightly. "Then I'll let you go. But you've got to give me time! Time to see some of _my_ doctors. Time to help you remember _ME_. You've got to give me at least as long as you've given these people. I _can _make you love me again!"

My heart is racing. Tonight?! Can I really leave so quickly? I sit down at the water's edge and try to rub my arms against a sudden chill. I realize the longer I stay… the longer I may be delaying the inevitable. The longer I will perpetuate their sleepless nights, and Akisame's pain. I glance back at the house, and my chest aches to see him again. But he hides himself away from the world to lick his wounds. The faster I am gone from this place… the faster he can heal. And if I don't go with Jean Luc tonight… he'll try to make them hurt Akisame. He'll attack his reputation and his business. I realize that I would do anything to help him – even if it means facing a past that frightens me. I will go – I will leave my home behind – for Akisame.

"Grandfather!" I hear Miu's voice slice through the dojo in distress. I look up from the statue I have been carving for the last two days, straining my ear to hear the reason for her distress before refocusing on my task. "Grandfather!"

"What's wrong Miu?!" Kenichi shouts back, running to her aid as I would expect.

I am about to tune them out again when her next words steal the breath from my chest.

"Sachi is gone!" she screams. "I mean… Melissa! She's gone!"

I sprint to the door of my workroom, and pause to try and collect myself before exiting onto the training floor. I need to appear calm.

"Calm down," Miu, I try to say entering the room with a gentle voice. "What do you mean? Why do you think she is gone?"

Shigure comes running across the rafters and leaps lithely down to the floor. Kensei materializes at my side, and Hayato walks calmly in from outside to hear her report as well. Sakaki is notably absent… perhaps he has gone somewhere with Sachi.

"I don't think she is!" Miu squeaks with tears in her eyes. "I know she is! Look! She left these!"

Miu thrusts out the green dress I bought for Sachi, and a handful of small letters. She wipes some of the tears from her eyes with the back of her hand as she begins passing them out.

"Kensei…" Kensei begins to read his aloud. "Thank you for helping me heal with so many needle treatments. Also, thank you for helping with dinner. I had a really great time. I'm sorry I didn't finish your office, but at least you should be able to find all your magazines… I'll remember you. Sachi." He looks up from it with confusion and anger plainly written on his face. "What the devil is this?!"

"Dear Kenichi," Kenichi begins to mumble. "I was really glad to get to know you and all of your funny friends. Keep working hard. Keep getting stronger. Don't let Akisame work you too hard. Take care of Miu and wish me luck. Sachi."

"Dear Elder," Hayato begins his own as Miu is just placing mine into my hands. I can't open it. My hands are shaking. "I'm sorry I had to leave so suddenly. Thank you for talking with me this morning and helping me face my fears. You welcomed me into your home and into your heart, and it is a debt I will never be able to repay you. Please take care of everyone for me. I will remember your promise."

"Shigure…" Shigure begins to read hers in monotone. "Thank you… for taking such good… care of me… and helping… me with my casts… so many times. Thanks also… for all the clothes. I hope you… find what… you're looking for soon. Please… Take care of…" she looks up into my eyes, and simply stops reading.

I open my letter with a trembling hand. I choose not to read mine aloud.

_My Dearest Akisame,_

_I could never put into words what your friendship has meant to me. I'm so sorry that I am leaving without saying goodbye. It was just too painful to have to leave you all. I hope that somewhere in your heart, I have brought you something other than pain. I also hope that you can find someone who loves you as strongly as the love you've shown me. You are too precious to be alone. Thank you for your smiles and your laugh. Thank you for all of the nights. The most precious memory I have is waking up for the first time to see your moonlight eyes welcoming me into the world. I will cherish it forever._

_Forever Yours, Sachi_

I sink down onto my knees in an effort to keep from falling on my face. My chest is caving in against the pain and I can barely breathe.

"How could she just leave without saying goodbye?!" Miu cries, kneeling down in front of her grandfather.

"She must have felt it necessary," he replies to her. "I am sorry my child. I didn't realize when I spoke with her this morning that she was so close to a decision. But rest assured. She knows she is always welcome to come visit with us, or return here if she needs to."

"Let's go… find her!" Shigure says, headed for the door.

"No, Shigure," I say, causing her to pause. I take a deep breath, attempting to keep my voice even. "It had to be very difficult for Sachi to leave. We are the only…" I choke back on my words, "family she has ever known. We have to set her free, to find herself again."

"But… Akisame…" Kensei says, beginning to reach for me.

"I will be fine, Kensei," I brush him off. "I need to return to my work now."

I stand up swiftly and walk back into my workroom, shutting the door behind me. Out of sight, I claw at the pain in my chest. I tumble forward into a heap on the floor and simply let my misery have me. Sachi is gone. Her bright eyes, warm smile and soft skin will never grace my eyes again. I glance around my workroom and she is everywhere. I have tried to exhaust myself with the images of her. I have painted her, sculpted her, and written poetry. In the end, this will be all I have left of her – the images in my memory. I snatch the sculpture up off the floor, setting to work again – determined to get it as close to perfection as possible.


	27. Midnight Flight

I sit beside Jean Luc in the limo, on our way to the airport. I am still angry with him. He forced me to leave everyone so quickly, under threat that he would report them to the authorities for some kind of crimes against me. He manipulated me and he knows it; so I sit here, simply stewing in my own anger. I had to leave all of Shigure's and Miu's clothes behind, so he's given me a soft green silk blouse and a black knee-length chiffon skirt with cherry blossoms across it. The silk feels nearly suffocating in such an enclosed space, so I open the top button in an effort to cool down.

"Come on, baby," he chuckles, leaning in to nuzzle my neck, "I'm sorry, okay? Are you gonna just sit there and stay mad at me forever? I just want you home."

"Excuse me?" I scoff. "How could you threaten them after everything they've done for me? If it weren't for them, you wouldn't even have a wife to bring home!"

"I know, baby, and I'm sorry," he tries nuzzling again, but I turn away from him. "I'm just glad you're coming home with me. Here," he says handing me a bottle of water. "Would you like something to drink?"

"No thank you," I reply, continuing to ignore him.

"Sweetheart…" he says with a sigh, "Come on, I need you to take care of yourself. You haven't eaten or had anything to drink all day. You…" he squeezes his fists and his eyes closed for the briefest moment, "You let that Akisame guy take care of you, didn't you? I'm sure you didn't give him this much trouble. Why am I so different?"

"Akisame doesn't threaten innocent people," I spit turning to face him. He flinches against my words, and my heart is instantly heavy again. "Oh, give me that!"

I snatch the already open water bottle from his hands and drink down the little bottle quickly. He knows I'm being stubborn, so I am actually practically dying of thirst anyway. I toss the empty bottle to the limo floor.

"Just leave me be, Jean Luc. Please," I beg him. "This is very hard for me."

"It's gonna be okay, baby," he says with a sly smile. "You just wait and see."

I turn away from him and stare out the window. We're headed to the airport to catch the last flight back to France. The sky is already starting to turn dark, but he said it leaves at midnight, so we should be there in plenty of time.

As I chip carefully away at the portion of the sculpture that will form Sachi's right shoulder, I hear Sakaki's enraged voice blast in from the main room like a thunder storm.

"That filthy son of a bitch! Akisame! Hayato!" The door to my workroom flies open hard enough to nearly rip it from its hinges, and Sakaki barrels his way inside to face me. "Akisame?"

"What on Earth are you shouting about?" I ask in mild annoyance.

"Did you call for me, Sakaki?" the Elder joins us as well.

"I knew it!" Sakaki continues shouting. "I knew that guy was a rat! God Damnit! This is gonna hurt Sachi so bad… where is she? I need to talk to her. You guys too. That bastard Jean Luc isn't with her is he?"

The wildness and rage in Sakaki's eyes has me moving to my feet in a flash. "What have you learned?" I demand, trying to tamp down a rising sense of fear in my gut.

"Sachi is gone Sakaki," the Elder tries to explain.

"WHAT?!" he screams, ripping his personal letter from the Elder's hand and skimming over it quickly. He balls it up in his fist and a chi with enough force to knock a grown man flat on his back suddenly rolls off him like a tidal wave. "I'm gone for one day! One DAY! And you two let that prick just walk out of here with her!"

"She didn't tell us she was leaving," I try to explain calmly, although my own anger is beginning to burn against the fear. "She didn't even say goodbye to anyone. We all received one of those when Miu found them."

"FUCK!" He exclaims, bursting back out of the room and onto the training floor. By now, his commotion has brought all of Ryozanpaku out to investigate. "Everyone! Get your gear and let's roll out! We've got to get her back!"

"SAKAKI!" I suddenly shout, feeling my anger pour from my eyes. Kenichi jumps back from me in panic. "You still haven't told us what's wrong! What have YOU LEARNED?!"

"That man is a FRAUD!" he shouts back at me. I feel shock pour through my veins like ice. "I knew there was something phony about him! I didn't trust him with her! Sure… he's been tearing the city apart trying to find her," he sneers, "but he didn't so much as bother to ask you the details of the injuries she'd had when she came in? Bullshit! If she was my woman, I would have wanted details! I would have hunted down her attackers using whatever I could! He just wanted to get her out of here!"

"But Sakaki, that doesn't prove anything…" Kensei tries to reason with him.

"No, but _this_ does!" he shouts, ripping a folder from inside his jacket. "Those documents were fake, Akisame! They were good fakes. Fakes that couldn't be identified without going through some contacts of mine in the government. That bastard played us like a bunch of fools! I don't know who he really is… but he came in here _prepared_ to show us exactly what we would need to give her away without a fight!"

I feel rage suddenly burn through my veins like a drug. The telltale effects of adrenaline pouring into my system has my muscles responding, bulking and preparing for a real fight. I haven't had a real fight in a long time. Someone has Sachi… someone who knew we would protect her… someone who specifically manipulated us into letting her go. Someone who could hurt her. Someone who likely wasn't acting alone. They're going to learn just how serious of a mistake they've made, but it is already too late for them.

"He must have known I was on to him," Sakaki says, kicking a bucket and sending it flying through the dojo wall. "I just got the call last night! It wasn't safe to discuss over the phone, so I told my guy I'd meet him this morning. I can't believe he got her out of here that fast!"

"We've gotta make him pay!" Miu shouts in anger, pounding her fist in her hand.

"He's going to want to get her out of the country to truly get her out of our reach," I reason aloud with death in my voice. I don't know what I look like, but Kenichi is trembling at the sight of me. "Kenichi, Miu, Kensei and Shigure – head to the docks to see if they're trying to leave by boat! Apachai, Sakaki, and Hayato with me. We head to the airport! We're going to hunt him down like a dog! I won't kill the man, but I promise you… by the time I'm through with him… he'll wish he were dead!"

About two or three minutes ago I started to think that the car ride was making me sick. I glance down at my hands and find them almost impossible to focus on. I feel drowsy and nauseous. I feel like the car is starting to buck and weave beneath me violently. I turn to Jean Luc confused.

"Jean Luc?" I ask, reaching out to him for balance.

"Ahhhh…." He says with a smile, catching my hand easily. "I see it's finally kicking in. I admit it took a lot longer than I expected, but I'm glad to see the effort wasn't wasted."

I can't focus on his face, but something about his smile seems wrong.

"What?" I try to ask, but my speech is slurring. Something is wrong! But what? I start to feel panic rising in my chest.

"Hmmm…" he murmurs against my ear. "Let's see if you're a little more agreeable now, shall we?" He presses a button on the console next to him and says, "Pull over here. Don't proceed until I say so."

He suddenly wraps his arm around my waist and pulls me to lie flat against the soft leather of the limo seat. He squeezes my ankle firmly in his hand before beginning to trail it up my leg. _What is he doing? _His hand continues its journey up past my knees and between my thighs, before applying pressure to the juncture between my legs. I want to stop him, but I feel so weak and so tired.

A shrill ringing breaks through the haze of my consciousness just as he begins to bite into the soft flesh of my neck. He lets out an irritated growl before pulling something small from his pocket and starting to talk to it.

"What?!" he shouts, then pauses for a long time. "Of course. I told you I could get her out, didn't I? Those idiots didn't even know we'd left. They're probably not even looking for her yet."

Looking for her… for me? Who would be looking for me? I struggle to orient my brain, but it's spinning so fast. I'm going to be sick.

"We're almost at the pick-up site now. We'll just be a few more minutes." He pauses again. "Look asshole, I'll take as much damned time as I please. I get her out of there, I get to play with her before I hand her over. That was the deal. I've just gotten her nice and agreeable, so you'll wait a few fuckin' minutes for me to do my thing or I might just run off with this pretty little piece of ass. Got it?"

He chucks the small black blur across the limo and mumbles, "Now, where were we baby?" He rips the front of my blouse open, sending the buttons flying onto the floor and begins to paw and kiss along my neck and my chest as he shrugs his own shirt off his shoulders.

_No! Stop! _I shriek at him mentally. My mouth feels so sluggish and slow. He grips the inside of my thigh painfully tight and kisses me again. All I can manage is to bite his lower lip. He pulls back with a curse and slaps me across the face hard enough to send stars crashing behind my eyelids. I moan against the pain.

"You little bitch!" he shouts at me, yanking my underwear down my legs and off my feet. "I can make this good for you, or I can make it painful! If you know what's good for you, you'll let me have my fun."

My stomach roils with nausea as he places stinging kisses against the skin of my chest again. He rises his big body up over me and I try to push him away, but the effort is useless. My arms feel like jelly.

"If you ask me," he whispers against my skin as his hand comes down to grip my other thigh with bruising pressure, "it's a damn shame to destroy something this pretty. I'd let you live if it were up to me." He chuckles against my ear and my mind begins racing again. He's going to rape me! But… someone else is going to kill me? "But these bastards seem pretty scared of you. They must be a bunch of pussies. You're not so bad are you, sweetheart?"

He yanks my arms up over my head and pins them there in one hand. "Kill me?" I mumble through numb lips.

"Yeah," he says with a sigh, "but I'll give you a little pleasure before you go."

As he begins to bring his big body down against me, something detonates inside my mind like a bomb. I'm going to be raped and killed if I don't do something! Someone is looking for me. Someone may be coming to help. Aki… Akisame! He wouldn't let this man hurt me. He would help me. If I die I can't… I can't tell him.

The brief period of my life that I can remember begins to flash before my eyes. Akisame's warm laugh and his smile. My body burning in pleasure beneath his hands. Waking up in his arms to find his moonlight eyes watching me. His lips kissing my hands at dinner and telling me he loves me. What is love? Love is choosing someone else's happiness over your own… Love is never wanting them to let you go… Love is the bond between you that defies distance and time. Akisame doesn't just love me… I love Akisame! Oh my God! I love him and I'm going to die before I can tell him! He's going to believe that I just left him and never wanted to come back!

I feel strength flow into my limbs with my panic and wrench my wrist out from under Jean Luc's single hand. I bring my hand forward, slamming it into his throat with all the force I can manage. He wasn't braced for the blow and it sends him flying against the limo's far wall. He clutches his throat in his hands, coughing and gagging in surprise. I reach for the door handle and throw myself out onto the pavement, trying to get to my feet to sprint away. Desperation drives my muscles forward, but my head is still spinning and my vision is blurred. The ground itself seems to writhe beneath my feet.

_Where am I? _There is pavement for as far as I can see. Suddenly, a load roar echoes over my head with enough force to cause the ground beneath me to shake. My knees give out and as I fall to them, my eyes reach the sky. There are dozens of tiny black dots falling from the sky, coming towards me. I turn my head back towards the limo, and see that Jean Luc has regained his footing, and both he and the limo driver are running towards me.

More images begin to flash through my mind, but these are unfamiliar. A cage. I'm in a giant cage with a man covered in blood. He swings a huge wooden club at my head, but I dodge easily bringing the heel of my hand up into his nose and lodging it deep in his brain. Another cage. A woman with crazed eyes brings her fist towards me, but I grab her wrist, spinning around to grab her head and snap her neck like a twig. The man from my nightmares rises up before me, laughing. It's kill or be killed.

_I'm not going to die! They are! All of them! _I feel my body tense with familiar rage and drop into a stance that feels as natural as breathing. As the tiny black spots converge on me, I am ready for them. _I am the death-bringer tonight! _


	28. Rescue

The city flies by me in a blur as we run for the airport as fast as our legs will carry us. Sakaki is shouting so quickly into our only cell phone that I believe his mouth may burst into flames.

"I-don't-care-what-you-think-you-idiot-son-of-a-bitch!" he screams at full run. "Get-us-some-back-up-at-the-airport-before-this-shit-hits-the-fan!"

He's attempting to get the government friend of his to dispatch support, but I doubt they will offer it. They rarely get involved in anything that's not a major crime organization or international issue. Sakaki has them run tests on the falsified documents we were given, but he kept back the photo of her. Even if Sachi is known to one of them, which I doubt even now, we've held back her face from them just in case it would draw the wrong attention.

"What-about-the-stupid-mark?" he shouts with confusion coloring his tone.

It's almost enough to make me pause, but my rage and fear drive me forward. We have to get to her in time! We have to stop them from taking her out of the country!

"Yeah-it-was-on-her!" he screams. "On-the-back-of-her-neck-just-like-you-said. What-the-hell-does-that-have-to-do-with-helping-me-now?!" He snaps the phone shut, "Shit!"

The one clear curse from him makes me turn my face in surprise.

"What did they say?" I shout to be heard over the wind flying by us.

"He said they'd be there with a full team to provide back up," Sakaki shouts at me.

"Isn't that good, Sakaki?" Apachai shouts after springing off of the roof over our heads.

"No!" he shouts in anger. "They weren't even interested until they asked if the mark I had asked them about before was from the back of her neck! Now all of a sudden their sending an entire fucking squad! They know something they're not telling me and it's pissin' me off!"

The news only drives me harder towards the airport. It's just starting to come into view when the sound of automatic gunfire reaches my ear.

"Sachi!" I shout, desperate to reach her.

The scene that comes into view is enough to make my blood run cold and stop my feet in my tracks. There are at least fifty armed men on the ground in black military-style outfits. They're converging on a lone figure in the center of one of the secondary runways. The form is almost unrecognizable at first, crouched like a wounded animal and coated in blood. A small mountain of bodies lie at their feet.

"Dear, God…" Hayato breathes as he also comes to a stop at my shoulder. "Is that her?"

"Apapapapapapaaaaaa!" Apachai starts to fly by me with rage in his own eyes.

"Apachai wait!" I call to him, and he turns back to me surprised.

"Akisame?!" he shouts. "Apachai fight bad men to death for Sachi! No time for stopping!"

Something is terribly wrong with the scene in front of me. Something in the terrifying form of my would-be lover has me hesitating.

"There's something else wrong!" I shout to all of them. "Look at her form! Have you ever seen her stand, or even fight like that?!"

"Now that you mention it…" Sakaki starts, but his voice is drowned out by the sound of a low-flying C-17 buzzing the runway directly over our heads. Its cargo doors open, and even more men begin to parachute down to the ground.

"They sent in this many men to get her?!" Sakaki shouts in disbelief, throwing his hands into his hair.

Every muscle in my body is screaming to get to her, but the hair standing on the back of my neck signals a warning.

"We need to get closer so we can see!" I shout, "Let's knock as many of them out on the way as we can! Hayato, can you…"

"Duck!" the Elder shouts before I can finish my sentence.

The C-17 is circling back towards us, and before I can blink the Elder has lifted a jeep into the air and sent it hurling towards the plane through the air.

"Take this on for size!" he screams.

The jeep impacts the left wing of the plane, bursting into flames and sending the plane crashing to the ground away from where Sachi still fights.

"Holy SHIT!" Sakaki shouts, but he's not looking at the plane. He's looking at Sachi. "She's killing them! All of them!"

"Move out!" I shout, "Don't get close to her!"

As we move in, I take down man after man in my path easily. I dislocate knees and shoulders, then follow up with small swift blows to knock them into unconsciousness. Sachi's movements are entirely different. She is snapping necks, breaking bones, and literally ripping out throats with her bare hands. The blood that covers her is the blood of her enemies as she uses their bodies as shields against the gunfire until they're too riddled with holes – then she moves onto the next. She has not moved from the same spot since we arrived, and the bodies are piling higher.

"Akisame!" Apachai shouts. "Sachi is not even looking at her opponents!"

He's right, and he's made the observation only moments after I did. Her eyes are closed and there is a tight expression of rage and focus on her bloodied face.

"She's using sticky hands!" I reply, trying to explain.

"There must be something wrong with her eyes!" the Elder agrees.

Sticky hands is a technique used in Wing Chun style martial arts. Similar in effect to the Sekuken that Kenichi encountered recently, but executed in a completely different manner. She is using her hands and the surface of her body to feel her opponent's position, track their movements, counter them, and detect when a new one comes into range. It also explains her use of their bodies for shields against the gunfire. She must not trust her vision, but the handicap has made her no less lethal.

"We've got to stop them before she kills them all!" Sakaki shouts. "We need some of these bastards alive!"

We continue to plow our way through the men onto the battle field, dodging gunfire and incapacitating the men as we go. In a matter of minutes, all of them lie either unconscious at our feet, or dead at hers. She senses the lack of opposition and her shoulders hunch defensively. She crouches to the ground, steadying her stance with her fingers against the pavement. Her expression is enraged, but it melts quickly into pain as a whimper leaves her throat.

"Sachi," I start to approach her cautiously and calmly.

The sound of sirens wails through the air suddenly, cutting off my words from her as Sakaki's back-up swarms onto the scene. Sachi responds to the sound immediately, throwing herself in the direction of the intruders.

"Stop!" I try to warn them, but I'm not fast enough.

Sachi has already reached them as they rush the field with riot shields. She rounds the front man and spins to slam her elbow into his spine, doubtlessly paralyzing the man from the waist down. She nearly has her hands on his head to snap his neck and finish the job before the Elder's form blows past her, tearing the man from her grip and knocking the entire team back from her.

"Sachi!" I try again.

She visibly responds to the sounds of my voice, spinning to search for me and dropping her guard for the first time. I say a silent prayer of thanks that she didn't hear my voice before now, when there were still real opponents on the field, or that response could have been fatal. Then my eyes hone in on something that makes my blood boil.

"Apachai, she's wounded!" I shout, and he sprints off to find me supplies to use to treat her.

Beneath the coating of blood, she is dressed like a helpless rose-petal of a woman. Her clothes are torn too severely to know if it's from battle or assault, but my chest aches at either thought. She is barefoot and seemingly lightly injured, but there is a gaping hole in her side that's been hiding itself beneath the blood-soaked curtain of her blouse. I want to move to her, but she is still holding herself in an offensive stance.

"Stay back you idiots!" Sakaki shouts at the men, knocking them back with a chi attack.

"What the hell's going on here!" A new voice shouts. I turn to see the leader of the men rush to confront Sakaki waving his hands. "Let us through. You asked for our help!"

"If you get within 20 feet of her she's gonna snap your neck you moron!" Sakaki replies.

"Why the hell would she do that?" the man shouts.

Her footing seems unsteady and her eyes are now open but unfocused, and as new rage sears through my brain the Elder voices my conclusion.

"She's been drugged." His voice is weary and angry.

"Yes," I agree. "That explains why she's not trusting her vision or her footing."

"How are we supposed to get close to her?" Sakaki asks, turning to face me again.

"I need quiet." I urge all of them. "Please. I believe I can get her to respond to my voice."

The leader of the troops waives his hands, silencing the big crowd of men as they stare forward in curiosity and fear. The Elder has already brought their wounded man off the field. I ponder what is best to get her attention.

"Sachi? Are you alright?" I ask her, raising my voice enough to be heard.

She responds like she did the first time, seeming to search for my voice. But then she hesitates, shaking her head and dropping to rest her hands on the ground. Her face turns angry and her position becomes offensive again. A sneer comes to her lips, and I realize this isn't going to work. Not without hurting her, which I want to avoid further. Suddenly, I get an idea. I sit down on the pavement, entering the posture I normally reserve for meditation.

"Uh… what the hell are you doing?" Sakaki asks with a dumbfounded expression.

"Trying something else," I say calmly.

If I don't respond fast, she seems as if she is getting ready to flee. I take a deep breath and begin to sing softly. The melody has no words, but she should recognize it. I have sung it since my youth, and I frequently use it to soothe her back to sleep when she becomes distressed at night. Sachi visibly responds again, tilting her head to listen to the sound and focus on it. She drops her guard for a moment, clutching the hole in her side as her eyes nearly roll into the back of her head. I have to work harder than ever to keep my voice perfectly steady, and not choke at the sight of her pain.

"A….Aki?" she almost whispers, showing her true level of fear for the first time. "Akisame?"

"I'm here." I force myself to respond calmly. "I'm here for you, Sachi."

She crumples instantly, coming to her knees with a whimper. Her lips tremble as a tear streaks down her cheek.

"Can I come get you, Sachi?" I ask her, not sure how volatile the drugs will make her.

"Yes…" she whispers collapsing face-first into the tarmac.

I rush to her side and lift her into my arms. The rate of blood pouring from her wound has me concerned as Apachai rushes to my side with a first aid kit.

"Aki…" she whispers, coming back around and clutching the front of my judo outfit. "I'm sorry."

"Shhh…" I try to soothe her as my hands fly to work, trying to staunch the blood flow while stitching the wound with what I have available. "Hush now. Don't try to talk."

"No," she refuses to be quiet. "Akisame, please…" Her speech is slurred and garbled, adding to the impression that she's been drugged.

"Shhh…" I try to soothe her with my voice only, as my hands are both occupied on her side.

Suddenly, she reaches up and grabs my face, planting her lips against mine softly and distracting me into stillness for a moment. "I…" she whispers only a breath from my lips. "love you. I'm sorry."

My heart seizes in my chest at her struggle to tell me that she loves me. "Thank you, my love," I whisper as my hands set back to work. "I love you, too, beautiful. Now I need you to lie still while I…"

A tiny smile alights on her lips just before her eyes roll back into her head and she falls slack in my arms. I force my panic down as I continue to work.

"Apachai!" I shout. "Lift her! We need to move, and get her to a hospital. Now!"

She appears to be in desperate need of a blood transfusion, and we need to test the drugs in her system quickly before she metabolizes them away. I keep working as Apachai lifts her body and walks alongside me towards a waiting ambulance.


	29. Identity

"The test results have come back, Dr. Koetsuji," Dr. Muriel from the hospital says as he enters Sachi's room. "I'm afraid your deduction was correct. She tested positive for a very high level of Ketamine. She's very lucky that you got her here quickly."

"Thank you, Doctor," I reply with my rage simmering just below the surface.

I had hoped I was wrong. I've never wanted to be so wrong in my life. With the disarray her clothes were in, the symptoms she was having, and the bruising on her legs – it had pointed to an obvious conclusion. One I hoped was too obvious. Sachi had been dosed with a date rape drug. There was no way to tell which one without testing, or how severe her condition would progress to be.

"When will we be able to take her home?" I ask him.

"Never," a rough male voice responds. "If I have anything to say about it." A figure dressed in a sharp black suit and tie steps into the room and levels a calm but serious glare at me.

"Well then," I reply with my muscles tightening in anger, "it's a good thing you have no say in the matter."

"Mr. Koetsuji," he replies calmly, "according to our file, you're a very respected member of your community. Trust me when I say, this woman will bring you nothing but trouble. It's best if you leave her in our care from here."

"And what the hell is it that you plan to do with her?" Sakaki growls, stepping out from the shadowed corner across the room.

"Yes," the Elder says stepping forward as well. "I'm afraid that we have a lot invested in this young woman already. You would be wise to inform us of what you know, and what plans you have for her."

"I'm afraid that's highly classified information," he replies, circling around to the head of her bed and reaching towards her face.

I snap out my hand in a flash, and pull it back when I hear and feel the bones in his wrist crack.

"Son of a bitch!" he hollers, cradling his dislocated wrist. "What the hell did you do that for?!"

"I will not let another man lay a hand on her again!" I shout before dropping back to a deadly whisper. "Now… you will tell me what you know, or I will find out through other means. Trust me when I say, they will not be pleasant for you."

"Akisame…" I hear the Elder scold in a gentle tone. "You must forgive my friend, sir. I'm afraid he's grown rather attached to this young woman, and has seen her injured a few too many times."

"It's a good thing," Sakaki adds with a dark chuckle, "that we all _have_ a top secret security clearance. Isn't it?"

"So it would seem…" the man pants.

I reach out again, with blinding speed, and re-align the man's wrist as he gives another painful shout. Two men appear at the door behind him with guns drawn, but he holds his uninjured hand up to signal them. With a grimace on his face, he says, "It's alright, boys. Calm down. Just a little misunderstanding. Nothing to worry about. Go back to your posts."

They look unsure, but back out of the room slowly at his order.

"Aki…" I hear her barely whisper from beside me.

"I'm here my love," I croon to her, leaning down to brush her hair away from her face gently.

"Akisame!" she shouts, sitting bolt upright and struggling against the bed sheets.

I pin her arms down gently, trying to restrain her without harming her further. She needs to keep still, or the wound at her side is likely to open again.

"It's alright, my love," I say using my voice to calm her. "You are safe. I am here."

She glances around the room wildly, before meeting my eyes again, and relaxing back against the mattress. I let go of her arms and she lets out a small whimper, cradling it to her side.

"Where are we?" she whispers. "How did I get here?"

"We're at the hospital," I explain. "What is the last thing you remember?"

"I…" she shakes her head as if trying to clear it, and then throws her hands up against her temples with a moan. "Oh God…" she starts to pant. "I'm gonna…"

I grab a sickness bag from beside the bed and she promptly throws up into it. Her whole body spasms down, trying to rid herself of the toxin which is already too firmly in her blood. I pull her hair back gently and wipe a damp cloth over the back of her neck.

"Oh God…" she moans, lying back against the mattress again. "Why do I feel like I've been in a car accident?"

"I'm sorry, darling," I try to speak softly. The man in the black suit is watching me as if I were a bug under a microscope. "But it's very important that you tell us what you last remember."

"I…" she starts with trembling lip. "I don't know. It's all so fuzzy. Oh, Akisame…" she whimpers, "Is it my amnesia again? Why can't I remember?"

I glance up at the man in the suit and his jaw has fallen slack, but he quickly recovers when he realizes that I am watching him.

"It's going to be alright darling," I try to console her. "This is not the same as your amnesia. Do you remember leaving Ryozanpaku?"

"Yes," she whispers. "I… I remember leaving with Jean Luc." The suited man breaks out a pen and a small pad of paper, beginning to scribble notes. "He said we needed to make it to the airport for a midnight flight. I'm so sorry, Akisame. I know I didn't say goodbye, but I thought it would only hurt everyone. He said if I didn't go with him…" she turns away from me, and bites her lower lip.

Whatever she is about to say, I already know I'm not going to like it, but I really don't think it's possible for me to be any more angry than I already am. "It's okay, darling," I say, kissing her gently on the forehead. "We won't be angry. Just try to remember."

"He…" she pauses, glancing at Sakaki and the Elder and then blushing. "He said he would make everyone at Ryozanpaku pay if I didn't go home with him. He said he would accuse you of kidnapping and malpractice. I… I didn't want you all to suffer more because of me…"

"Are you kidding me?!" Sakaki suddenly explodes from the other side of the room. "What the hell woman? Did you honestly think we would want you to leave with a man who was threatening you?"

She throws her hands over her ears and whimpers and I glare at Sakaki. "Hush Sakaki!" I scold him in whisper. "Your voice is going to make her nausea worse!"

"Sorry…" he mutters, "but Goddamn, woman."

"I'm sorry," she says with a trembling lip. "We were headed to the airport in his limo. He was trying to cuddle up to me, but I was angry with him. I tried to just ignore him… and I don't remember anything after that."

"Did you have anything to eat or drink?" I ask, trying to determine for sure who dosed her.

Jean Luc was found at the bottom of the pile of bodies. He wasn't wearing a shirt and his pants weren't fastened together properly, so I am assuming that he was the culprit, but I don't want to assume if I don't have to. He was found with his nose lodged into his brain, which left me feeling frustrated that I won't get the opportunity to inflict pain on him for his crimes.

"Uh... yeah. That's like the last thing I remember. Jean Luc gave me a water bottle and complained that I hadn't had anything to eat or drink all day," she says confirming my suspicions.

Ketamine, the date rape drug used on her, is like other similar drugs. It has no taste or smell, so it can be easily slipped into something, even water, and not detected by the person being drugged. In most cases it makes the person sluggish, unaware, and easy to manipulate – and to rape. But in some rare cases, it can cause an opposite reaction of panic and violence. Luckily for Sachi, this seems to be the result for her. It also prevents the victim from being able to store any short or long-term memory of the event, rendering them unable to identify their attackers.

"Will someone tell me what's going on?" she asks with fear beginning to shine in her eyes. "Why am I at the hospital? Where is Jean Luc?"

"There's no need to be afraid, Mam," the man in the suit says to her. "We have the area secured. You're perfectly safe. I've been trying to convince these gentlemen to leave you in my care, but so far they seem less than cooperative."

"Who are you?" she asks.

"I…" he glances at each of us nervously. "I am agent Kobayashi, Mam. Do… do you remember me?"

He steps into the light to give her a better view of him, but she simply stares back.

"Should I?" she asks, nervously.

"Well…" he says, pinching the bridge of his nose. "that would explain an awful lot. I have to admit, we were concerned when we realized you were still alive and had not made contact yet. Just now… you mentioned amnesia. I'm sorry if this makes you uncomfortable, but I need to know exactly how much of your history you remember. I can have these gentlemen leave if you would prefer."

"Over my dead body," Sakaki growls.

"No," she whispers. "Don't make them leave, please. I'm sorry to tell you that I don't remember anything I probably should. These men found me very injured a few months ago. I woke up in Akisame's clinic with no memory of who I am or where I came from. They have sheltered me ever since. Well, until my husband showed up."

"Your husband!?" Kobayashi suddenly exclaims, then starts speaking into the sleeve of his suit, "Kato, triple the guard at the exits. We may have a lion on the premises." He turns back to Sachi and looks as if he is about to lift her into his arms before I step in front of him with a promise of pain in my eyes. "Don't get in my way," he growls. "We need to move her to a safe house immediately."

"I don't think he was really her husband," I say, trying to redirect the man's obvious panic. "She's referring to Jean Luc Estair."

"The one you found at the bottom of the…" Sakaki starts, but I glare at him and he cuts himself off quickly.

"Oh," Kobayashi mumbles, rubbing the back of his neck. "We're not as concerned about him."

"You know who I am?" Sachi chimes in with shock in her voice. "_You know who I am?!_ How? Who am I? And why don't you think Jean Luc is my husband, Akisame?"

I sit gently on the edge of her bed and try to explain everything we know about what happened between the time she left Ryozanpaku and now. I try to be vague about the details of the men she fought and their fate. I don't want to upset her more just yet.

I sit in my hospital bed as a nurse comes in to help me clean out my mouth with a toothbrush. Akisame's voice drifts over me like the narrator in some kind of history television show. I feel my heart sink even further as he explains what has happened to me. He is being vague on purpose, I can tell, and that by itself would confirm my worst fears. When I am done with my toothbrush and the nurse leaves the room, I decide to ask anyway.

"How many of them did I kill?" I can't handle the grief the response will invoke, so I simply shut down my emotions, turning my heart to stone.

"Now, hold on sweetheart," Sakaki tries to protest.

"Don't!" I say, staring into my sheets. "I'm not an idiot Sakaki. I remember when I fought Akisame. It wasn't even a serious fight, and my first instincts were deadly, not reserved. I'm not stupid enough to think that I could be in a fight for my life and not take their lives if I could. Not without doing it consciously."

"There were 32 men," Kobayashi answers me instead, vying for my trust. "The others were disabled by your friends here and have been brought back for questioning. I doubt they'll give us much useful information though. These idiots were amateurs. They obviously didn't know they were tangling with a tiger. If they had, they would have sent in fighters on Sakaki's level."

"Did I kill Jean Luc?" I ask, with dread roiling in my stomach.

"Yes," he confirms. "As far as we can tell, he was the first to die."

I feel ice and pain sliding into place in my veins. At the same time, I feel myself step into an alternate mindset – a cool confidence and distance – like an actress in a play. This feels so much more natural than anything I've felt since waking up at Akisame's clinic. I decide to roll with my instincts, instead of fighting them. I sit up straighter, pushing my fear and pain away into a dark corner, and level a glare at the man in front of me.

"And you knew that I was a tiger, how?" I ask him, daring him to lie to me.

"This may not be something you want your friends to hear," he says with a nervous glance towards Akisame.

"It's my life," I argue, "Not theirs. If it makes them uncomfortable they can leave, but they don't have to. They should know what danger they've risked by taking me in. You'll tell me what I want to know, and you'll do it now."

Sakaki shoots me a confused glance, watching me carefully out of the corner of his eye. Akisame and the Elder have also taken note of my transformation, but remain quiet and watchful.

"You're a slave," Kobayashi begins, nearly knocking the wind out of me, but I don't allow my façade to crack. "You were bred and raised as a very high-value black market commodity of the rich and twisted. Do you recognize the term Kuremisago?"

The Elder, Akisame, and Sakaki all tense visibly, but don't utter a word. It's obvious that this word has meaning to them.

"No." I admit.

"Alright…" he says, rubbing the back of his neck uncomfortably, keeping his eyes on the three tense masters around him. "A kuremisago is a child specially bred for their physical prowess and martial arts bloodline. They're bloodlines are tracked and planned the way you would with race horses. They are usually sold as high-priced weapons, and are considered more valuable than an entire platoon of soldiers if they receive the proper training growing up."

"Oh please," I say in true disgust. "You can't tell me I'm some kind of martial arts genius after I've spent the last few months with these guys." I motion to the masters, but their tension has only grown.

"Yes, I can." Kobayashi argues, "If anything, they give you a warped perception of your skill level. You're a very special case, however. You were not sold to a martial arts organization. You were sold to a black market organization known only as FEMME. Thus the pretty little cattle stamp on the back of your neck. You may not have found it, but there should also be a smaller mark on the inside of your thigh, identifying you – more like a barcode.

"FEMME specializes in the purchase and sale of women," he continues, "They market their product like high-society mail-order brides or concubines. You were the first in a specialty line of new product for FEMME. They purchased you as a Kuremisago, to train in martial arts skill and… feminine skill both. At 18 they marketed you to the social elite who were looking for a woman who was not only beautiful but deadly. Some of these bastards seem to prefer a woman who will fight back."

Akisame finally turns away from Kobayashi and paces over to the window, staring out at the night sky. I feel like my heart is tearing from my chest. I feel ashamed, but refuse to let it alter my outward appearance.

"I take it their marketing was successful?" I ask.

"Yes," he agrees. "The most successful they've seen. It resulted in quite the bidding war, but ultimately you were sold to a bastard named Diego Morales for roughly 4.5 million U.S. dollars."

"Holy shit…" Sakaki breathes, turning to stare at me.

"He actually took you as a legal bride," he continues, "to cover the deal, and prevent governments from coming down on him. He purchased many more women, before and after you, but you were always the high society face of his wife. You were his most prized possession."

"That's an awful lot to pay for sex," I scoff. "I take it he got something else out of the deal as well?"

"Yes," Kobayashi agrees, pinching the bridge of his nose again. "Your husband was a massive gambler in the underground fighting rings. By day, you were his faithful submissive wife. By night, you were a terror in the martial arts underground. With your breeding and training, he used to line you up for cage matches – usually death matches. He's made at least ten times more in profit from your skills than he ever paid for you."

"Do I…" I swallow hard, trying to force the words out. "Do I have any children?"

"Not that we're aware of," he says with a sigh, "and I'm fairly certain you would have told me. You contacted me a little over a year ago, trying to find a way out. If you ever got pregnant in the first place, which I couldn't begin to say, it's doubtful that you would have remained so for long. The cage matches Diego had you in were brutal in the best of times, and the bastard seemed intent on inflicting any punishment himself that you didn't get in the ring. Besides… FEMME strictly requires all clients to return female children of their products for recycling back into their product supply. Clients are only allowed to keep male offspring as their own. It seems like something you would have mentioned."

"So," I say, shooting him a glare. "If I contacted you for help… what went wrong?"

"Your husband died," he says, pausing and allowing me to absorb this new information. "We're not sure how, but you wouldn't have done it – no matter how desperate you were. When a client dies, it's standard procedure for FEMME to come in and destroy all remaining product. We had planned to try and pull you out sooner, but you wanted to get us more information on his operations and the other women he owned. His death triggered a cleaning crew before we were ready. They came in and destroyed everything. All of the bodies were too badly damaged when they torched the house to be identified. Honestly, until Sakaki's call… we believed that you had died with them. It's still unclear how you managed to escape."

I feel numb – body and soul.

"What does Jean Luc have to do with any of this?" I ask, trying to make the pieces fit.

"Practically nothing," Kobayashi says with a shrug. "He was a vulture, swooping in for scraps. FEMME realized at some point that you were still alive and put out a bounty for you. They don't want the information you have – or had – getting loose, so they've offered a 4 million dollar reward for your capture or proof of your death. The men that tried to take you were nothing more than hired guns. They were smart enough not to assault Ryozanpaku head on, but too stupid to know they were signing their own death warrants with you alone."

I look over at Akisame with pain in my chest. I am going to miss him so much it hurts, but I was already willing to leave to spare him – and this is no longer a game. I am a direct threat to everyone living at Ryozanpaku. I glance at the Elder and Sakaki as well. Sakaki seems to give his head the slightest shake, as if trying to stop me without speaking. I turn away from him and back to Kobayashi.

"Well," I say, straightening my spine and forcing a calm I do not truly feel, "It sounds like I'll need to…"

"Get out." Akisame's voice cuts me off and the false calm in it brings my eyes to meet his own. "I'm going to ask you one more time. Everyone but Sachi… get out."


	30. New Beginning

Mr. Kobayashi instantly bristles at Akisame's sudden demand, but he doesn't even get a moment to protest as Sakaki walks over, picks him up by the back of his suit jacket, and then tosses him out the door. The Elder gives me a gentle smile and a nod as he exits, and Sakaki walks back over to my bedside. He leans down to look me directly in the eyes and says, "You're not leaving this hospital little woman, until _we _say so. You owe us that much."

I feel a new wave of shame wash over me as he turns and exits the room also, leaving me alone with Akisame. Akisame's description of what has happened already tonight breaks my heart. It is undeniable that their rescue attempt prevented many more people from being hurt. Sakaki is right. I do owe them. I already owe them my life many times over, but that is a debt I will never be able to repay. The best I can do is…

"You're wrong again," Akisame states in an angry voice. "You will not be doing us any kind of favor by leaving now. In fact, you will be doing the exact opposite."

"You can't know that…" I start, but he cuts me off again.

"Don't!" He comes over and sits on the edge of my bed, leveling his eyes with mine. There is a palpable intensity radiating from him. "You were _safe_ at Ryozanpaku. You were protected. None of this death and pain would have been dealt if you had stayed with us, instead of trying to protect us by leaving with someone who was dangerous enough to threaten you."

"I didn't know…" I try, but I choke on my own words.

Akisame closes his eyes and visibly tries to calm himself. "There is no way you could have known this would happen, and nothing that happened tonight was your fault. That's not what I'm trying to say."

"Not my fault?" I choke in disbelief. "_Not my fault?! _My God, Akisame! Thirty-two people are dead because of me! How many more are injured?!"

"That was not your fault!" he shouts in frustration. "Don't you dare blame yourself for something that monster did to you!"

"Oh yeah?!" I shout back, unable to hold back my tears. They are tears of anger, and the pain is threatening to drown me. "What about the others Akisame?! Cage matches? Death matches? I'm a murderous whore! How many people have died at my hands? My God! You should have let Jean Luc…"

Akisame suddenly reaches out and grabs me, pulling me against him and bringing his mouth down on my own to halt my words. It is the first time he has kissed me since Jean Luc arrived at Ryozanpaku. This is no gentle reunion. His mouth is desperate and his body is shaking as he clutches me tighter. I can feel his hand clutch my hair in his fist. His tongue dances across my lower lip and I give him the full access he seems so desperate for. He kisses me for a long, long time before pulling back and taking a deep breath.

"Please, Sachi," he whispers, leaning his forehead against my own with his eyes closed. "Don't ask me to do something that will destroy me. Don't ask me to let you walk away again."

"Aki…" I choke out miserably, "We don't have a choice. They know where I am, and there is a bounty out on my head! I will be putting everyone at Ryozanpaku in danger."

"No, you won't," he argues, pulling back to give me a stern look. "They didn't try to harm you within our walls. They know better than to try and attack us head-on. We are too strong for them. You could not be safer anywhere in the world than you are with us."

"So what are you suggesting I do?" I ask in disbelief, "Just hide in the dojo for the rest of my…"

"Marry me." Akisame lifts my hand gently and kisses it, staring steadily into my eyes.

I stare at him in shock. My mind still feels sluggish and disoriented from the drugs in my system. My first thought is that I must be hallucinating.

"Are you serious?" I ask, dumbfounded. "Akisame… I can't marry you. I'm… already married!"

"No," he argues, "According to Mr. Kobayashi you're a widow. Your husband's death is what triggered the current series of events. Besides, it doesn't even qualify as a real marriage when you were purchased and forced into it. Legal or not, that was never real. Also, I doubt these agents want you to keep the same name you used before. I believe we should give you an entirely new identity – as Sachi. I would be more than happy to give you the name Koetsuji… if you would accept it."

He turns his eyes away towards the window again, and I can tell he is trying not to pressure me unfairly. Although he is attempting to win me over with the logic of this as a solution, his marriage proposal is real. I am surprised to sense nervousness in the tension of his muscles.

"How…?" I desperately search for the right words. "How could you even consider marrying me after everything you just heard? Akisame… I know what you aspire to as a martial artist. You fight as a katsujinken fighter – with the Fist of Life. You do not take lives willingly. I assume you may have once in the past, because you carve the Buddha, but it is not the path you walk now." I hold my hands out to him palms up. "There is more blood on these hands than I can even understand yet. Thirty-two in just one night! How many other nights have there been? I am a murderer…"

Akisame presses a finger to my lips gently with pain in his eyes. "That is the life you were forced to live," he argues, "It is not who you are."

"You assume that," I counter right back, "There is no way to truly know. Could I truly have been forced all that time? I could have found a way out…"

"I believe there is a way to know," he says, brushing my hair back behind my ear with his hand. "You have been kind from the moment you woke up in my clinic. Your first concern was not about yourself, or even what had been done to you. You were afraid you might be a danger to us."

"I was right," I say with aggravation. "And I should not continue to put you in that same danger."

"The only one in danger is you," he says, narrowing his eyes and attempting to sway me with the pure intensity rolling off of him. "We told you then the same thing I'll tell you now. We're more than capable of defending ourselves and our home. We're more than happy to protect you as well. If you leave here, and do not return to Ryozanpaku, you are not only endangering your own life, but the lives of all those agents out in the hallway and here in the hospital. How much chance do you really think they have against these kinds of monsters?"

The injustice of my situation swamps me once again, but two can play at that game.

"And what about your marriage proposal?" I challenge him. "Are you offering me a marriage of convenience? Or a bribe? Marry me, Sachi, and I can keep you safe? I may be miserable for the rest of my life, but hey… so what, right? It's all about doing the right thing?"

He looks visibly stunned for a moment before hurt begins to seep into his eyes. I feel regret wash through me at my harsh accusations. He does not deserve them. He pulls his hands back into his lap and sighs deeply. He does not meet my eyes when he speaks.

"I am desperate to keep you safe," he whispers. "I will not lie to you about that. When I saw you fighting out there… when I was unable to reach you… I've never felt more helpless in all my life. You're right. I would do anything to keep from feeling that ever again. I would do anything to keep them from hurting you."

"Akisame, that wasn't the point I wa…" I try, but he starts speaking again right over me.

"I'm sorry if my proposal was inappropriate, and if It offended you."

His voice has shifted into the one he uses as the instructor at the dojo – calming but impersonal. I suddenly find myself confused. What part of what I said hurt him enough to cause him to pull away completely like this?

"My offer was sincere," he continues, "but I would never ask you to enter a relationship that would make you miserable." His misunderstanding of my words suddenly hits me like a slap in the face. _He thinks I meant _I _would be miserable?! _"I understand it must be very difficult to learn that your prior marriage was such a farce. I should have considered that. I apologize."

He turns to meet my eyes briefly and his expression is aloof. I know he must see the blatant shock in my own eyes. I ponder what it would be like to be his wife. I already know what it's like to wake up every morning to his sexy smile and hear his warm laughter. I know how easily he can set me on fire, despite his reservations. He can be overbearing and controlling, but he can also admit his own faults. _Marriage to Akisame being miserable? _The thought is so ridiculous that I struggle, unsuccessfully to keep back a choke of laughter. He responds as if I'd struck him and swiftly stands to leave the room.

"Akisame, wait!" I protest, but he's already reaching for the door. "I didn…"

I jump up, intending to run after him. To stop him and force him to hear me out. I don't realize how foolish it is until it's too late. As soon as I'm vertical, the world around me spins sickeningly. I can feel myself falling, but I'm helpless to catch myself as the edges of my vision begin to darken. As time seems to slow, I brace myself for the inevitable impact with the floor, but instead feel myself collide with hard familiar arms. I let out a small yelp of pain as I feel something in my side tear, and I can feel fluid running down my side.

"Are you out of your mind?" he grumbles beside me, and I look into his angry eyes – thankful beyond measure that the look of hurt has been temporarily replaced.

"No…" I whisper painfully, throwing my arms around his neck in a death grip, "but you must be."

He lifts me back into the hospital bed and sets me down as gently as freshly-spun glass. He reaches behind his head to remove my arms, but I resist him – clutching them tighter.

"No!" I protest, yelping again at the pain in my side. "I won't let go."

"Don't be ridiculous," he scolds me, still trying to gently pry my arms apart. "Sachi! You're bleeding."

"So hold pressure on it!" I say stubbornly, and his moonlight eyes look up into mine in surprise. "I'm not letting go until you hear me out!"

He averts his gaze again by looking down at my side, then does as instructed and begins to hold pressure against the wound in my side to stop the bleeding. The hurt is back, but he is struggling to keep it from his expression. He looks so handsome and I feel my heart squeeze painfully. I can't help it. I lean in and kiss him gently on the mouth. He freezes for a moment, and I nip playfully at his mustache. He makes a small sound of defeat deep in his throat and then begins to kiss me back with fervor. The pain in my body begins to fade into the background as it is replaced by fire, but I remind myself that I still need to talk to him so I pull back gently.

"I'm sorry," I start a little breathlessly. "if you misunderstood me. I was NOT saying that being married to you would make me miserable. No matter the reason… that idea is so foolish I found it funny, and I'm sorry. I meant that it was foolish for you to make _yourself_ miserable in some attempt to keep me from being hurt. You are my doctor, and my friend… but you are not responsible for what happens to me, Akisame."

He looks at me now with utter confusion in his expression and admits, "I've never met anyone who makes so little sense…"

"You want love, Akisame." I remind him. "That's why you won't sleep with me, remember?" A look of revelation begins to cross his features. "It's more than what you want. It's what you deserve. You are an amazing man. You're sexy and sweet, caring and protective, talented… but supportive. You give so much away. You deserve to be with a woman who loves as fiercely as you do. You're the kind of guy that would battle heaven and hell to get to the woman you've sworn to love, and you deserve for her to fight for that love just as strong. It would be wrong of me to accept your offer. It would… cheapen who you are, and what you want. To let you do that just to protect me would be selfish."

"Of course…" he mumbles as a huge smile breaks across his face. "You don't remember…" He begins to laugh a true, warm-hearted, full-belly laugh.

"I don't remember what?" I ask, confused by his sudden shift.

"Nevermind," he says, dipping his head for another brief but passionate kiss. "It's not important right now. What if I told you I want you? That my marriage proposal was not the least bit selfless, and instead a completely selfish desire to keep you all to myself?"

"I don't think I'd believe you…" I admit with a frown, and he laughs again.

"By the end of the day, my love," he says with a devilish look in his eyes, "you will."

It took me an hour to convince Sachi to let go so that I could redress her wounds and stop her bleeding. She's incredibly stubborn, but it was by far my favorite part of the day. I shamelessly blinded her with desire, and kissed the stubbornness right out of her. Now I'm on my way to find Agent Kobayashi, and bend him to my will through far more conventional methods.

"Hey, how is she?" Sakaki says, strolling up beside me. He is obviously still terribly worried about her.

"She's going to be fine," I assure him. "A little mad at me perhaps… but fine."

He lets out a raucous laugh and asks, "What did you do this time? I don't need the dirty details, but please tell me you convinced her to stay."

"I'm going to do better than that," I admit, as the Elder strolls up beside both of us. "I'll need your blessing for this. All of you."

"You plan to marry her," the Elder replies, phrasing it as a statement of fact, but giving me room to contradict his assumption.

"Yes." I admit. "Although… a bit unconventionally. It will draw too much suspicion to have our marriage beginning at the same time as her disappearance. Some of these bastards know where she is, but others will not. The more of them we can keep in the dark, the better."

I see Agent Kobayashi standing in front of a vending machine for coffee in the lobby. I approach him, careful to be much less hostile towards the man than I have been so far.

"Mr. Kobayashi," I address him, "We need to discuss Sachi's safety, and what you plan to do for her."

"I suppose you have your own ideas," he mumbles into his coffee, quirking one eyebrow at me in question. "but you should know that this is an international affair. I'm not going to just snap my fingers and hand her over to you."

"Of course," I acknowledge with a smile. "But you should know I have no intention of letting her out of my sight. I will not allow her to be harmed like this again. What are your plans, exactly?"

He shifts a bit uncomfortably, then straightens his spine and levels a glare at me. "We need to get her into a witness protection program immediately. She is far too exposed, and needs to be provided with documentation that she can use to move on with her life. We'll most likely need to assign a protection detail to her, as a normal family placement will not be sufficient in this type of situation. We will likely offer to place an agent with her with a cover as her lover. I believe this would be the easiest transition for her."

"Whoa, whoa, wait a minute!" Sakaki shouts in disbelief from beside me. "You just explained to us that she's been bought and sold like a piece of property for her whole life, and you're going to force some random guy into her life as a fake lover?! You've gotta be kidding me!"

"Contrary to popular belief," Agent Kobayashi spits back, "I don't just pull this kinda stuff out of my ass! These are the arrangements we made with _her_ long before any of you showed up."

"Before you let her nearly be killed," I clarify.

"Look!" he says, draining his coffee cup and throwing it furiously into the trash can. "I hate to break it to you, but she's been around the block a few times, buddy. This was _her _idea! I'm not gonna back out on her just because you don't trust us. She's perfectly comfortable around my men, and can manage on her own just fine. Frankly, you have no authority here."

"Her_ real _lover is going to have a really big problem with that," I try to reply calmly again.

"Oh please," he scoffs. "You must think I'm an idiot. She told me she wouldn't take another real lover again until the day she died."

"You're forgetting that she's suffering from amnesia," I say, keeping my anger tightly held beneath the surface. "The woman in there has no memory of your plans or arrangements for her. She doesn't remember any life-long vows, and she hasn't acted upon them."

"Are you telling me that you're sleeping with her?" he scoffs in disbelief, eyeing me warily.

"Yes," I half-lie, smoothing my mustache with my fingers. "We've been sleeping together for a few months now. At first I resisted her, because I felt it was inappropriate in my role as her doctor. But I've grown to love her. I would have already asked her to marry me if it had been possible, but her lack of history prevented me from asking her for something she could not give."

"I don't believe you," he says angrily, rubbing the back of his neck. Suddenly, I realize his plans.

"You're not going to place one of your men with her…" I challenge him, letting my chi slip free in my anger. "You are going to place _yourself _there! You hypocritical swine!"

"She trusts me!" he explodes. "And frankly… I don't trust you!"

"Who you trust makes no difference!" I shout back at him. "Sachi trusts _ME_, not you. She has spent her nights under _our _roof – in _my _bed. You don't have the right to dictate who she will spend the rest of her life with any more than they did!" He reacts to the sting of my accusation. "Now if you plan to tell her that she has to accept _someone_ as her protection from now on… by all means, volunteer yourself. But I will do the same, and I promise you… she will choose me."

"You're awfully sure of yourself," he spits.

"Of course he is!" Sakaki suddenly joins in again, raging at full froth. "You didn't see her out on that runway, struggling to find him through the drugs! She was fighting to get back to us, to Akisame! She's standing there, fucking bleeding to death," his voice cracks, "and she wouldn't even shut up until she told him she loved him. Trust me asshole… that's not something she just decided out of the blue!"

Agent Kobayashi turns his face back to me, and his expression is solemn and slightly pained. I can sympathize. I have no doubt that if he interacted with her for any length of time, he could have easily fallen in love with her. Her strength and spirit are intoxicating, and her form beautiful. He probably imagined himself as her savior, as the one to come swooping in to the rescue. But he was too late, and I'll be damned if I'm going to allow him a second chance with the love of my life.

"Regardless of who gets placed with her," I say, toning my chi back down to a less threatening level, "what was your plan for her history?"

"She's going to be an immigrant from the U.S." he explains. "We considered placing her with a guard as a long-time lover, but tried to convince her that it would be a better mask to have her listed as a wife. We would have records showing the marriage as beginning a few years earlier to avoid direct suspicion. She didn't agree to that, though."

"If she chooses me," I start. He looks like he is going to object, but I hold up my hand to cut him off. I turn to address my question to the Elder.

"Would you accept this danger in your home?" I ask him. "It is no small threat, and I fully understand if you would prefer that we lived off the grounds."

"Nonsense," Hayato barks. "She needs all of our protection from this level of enemy. I will not turn her away in her hour of need. She is already a member of our family."

"Which is just another reason that she's safer with us!" Sakaki shouts to Kobayashi again. "She has already been living with us for months. It would be way easier to say she is Akisame's wife… that they married overseas a year before and was only able to come into the country recently. The whole neighborhood's seen her with Akisame. They know she's crazy about him. It would make perfect sense. Besides, now that these bastards have seen us fight, they'll be even less likely to try and take us on!"

"Fine," Agent Kobayashi spits, "We'll give her that as _one _of her options. We'll see what she chooses."


	31. Final Decision

I wake up from dozing in my hospital bed to hear Sakaki enter the room.

"Oh, sorry," he mumbles. "Did I wake you up?"

"It's okay," I say, sitting up with a smile to greet him. "I've just been dozing off. Where did Akisame go?"

"He's out there talking to Agent Idiot," he says with a grimace. "We're trying to figure out what the best next move is."

"Sakaki…" I start, worried about their safety.

"Would you marry him if he asked you?" Sakaki says, just blurting it out and expecting an answer.

"It's not that simple, Sakaki…" I say with a heavy sigh.

"Why not?" he asks, settling into a chair, leaning back and kicking his feet up to rest on the side of my bed.

"Because…" I say exasperated. "I'm a proven danger now, not just an imaginary one! I shouldn't stay with any of you, much less be accepting someone as my husband. I'm apparently some kind of murderous concubine from hell, and oh yeah," I cast my eyes to the sheets and squeeze out, "He deserves a lot better than me."

"Hmmm…" Sakaki says, taking a swig from a soda I'm sure he wishes were a beer. "Wrong on all counts. I guess that shouldn't surprise me by now."

"How is that wrong?!" I scream in frustration. "At the very least Akisame deserves someone who loves him. You said so yourself!"

He turns to look at me with surprise written on his face. "And you… don't?"

"Oh my God…" I say, flopping back against the pillows. "I'm the one with amnesia, Sakaki. You have no excuse. We've talked about this before."

"Yeah, but that was before." He says with a frustrated expression.

"Before what?" I spit. "Before I left? Before I killed 32 people? Before everyone found out exactly how screwed up I am?"

"Before you told him you loved him," he says, sipping the soda with narrowed eyes.

"I what?!" I bolt upright, causing my head to spin slightly.

"I guess you don't remember 'cause of the drugs that asshole gave you," he says, tossing the cap from the soda into the air and catching it again. "I didn't think about that."

"Oh shit…" I mumble in dread. "What _exactly_ did I say?"

"Oh not much," he says sarcastically. "You were just bleeding to death… trying to get to him even though you couldn't see straight. When he finally got to you, you wouldn't stop trying to talk until he let you say… I think your exact words were 'I love you. I'm sorry.' Then you did this whole, I'm-gonna-die-dramatically-now-from-blood-loss thing. Very moving."

"Oh shit…" I say yet again, feeling the blood drain from my face. I can hear Akisame's words echo in my head _'You don't remember…' _"Oh God, Sakaki… what have I done!?"

"Whoa, sweetheart," he says with a chuckle. "This isn't end-of-the-world news."

"Yes it is!" I screech with tears in my eyes. "Why would I say something like that?! He's not gonna let this go now."

"You should seriously take a time-out to decide if that's a bad thing," he says, practically glaring at me. "Near-Death experiences have a way of making people think about what's important. That wasn't just something you mumbled while you were out of it. You were determined to tell him… even if it killed you. Why are you so sure now that you were wrong?"

"Because I…" I struggle, but my argument leaves me. I just sit there groping to explain, with my mind completely blank. "I…"

"I think you _are _in love with him." Sakaki continues. "Now… play along for a minute, babe, okay? Let's pretend you're wrong and I'm right. What would you think about marrying him then?"

"I would still be putting all of you in danger," I say with complete honesty.

"We're okay with that," he counters, "A lot more okay than we'd be having to track and protect your sorry ass if you run off again. A lot more okay than I will be if you make me attend your goddamn funeral!"

I swallow around the large lump in my throat. "I'm… I'm still a monster."

"Hold on a minute, honey," he says, but I can't stop the tears from falling from my eyes. He stands up and ever-so-carefully lifts me into his arms. He sits back down on my hospital bed, and lets me curl up on his chest in misery. "You've had a shit life. No one is going to argue that with you. But that's not your fault. You can't go blaming yourself for some shit you were born into. And you know what… maybe this amnesia thing is like… a gift. Maybe it's your second chance to start over."

"No," I shake my head miserably against his chest with a sob. "Akisame deserves to have a wife he can be proud of. Someone who loves him even more than he loves her. He shouldn't have someone like me that he has to protect and be ashamed of… someone who's going to freak out and ruin things… whose instinct is to kill instead of preserve life."

"Hey," he says, stroking my hair. "Instincts can be re-trained. And you've got a whole dojo full of masters to teach you. I'm not in the habit of taking on disciples, but Kenichi's turning out pretty good if I do say so myself. Besides, nothing that I heard today is going to make me _ashamed _of you. My God, woman. I can't imagine how strong you had to be to survive that level of bullshit. If anything… I'm proud of you, and I know Akisame is too."

"But he shouldn't…"

"Akisame _deserves_," he says, cutting me off with a gruff tone, "to marry the woman he loves. To protect her, so he can protect his own heart. It can destroy a man – having to watch his woman get hurt, not being able to do anything about it. Whether you like it or not, sweetheart, that woman is you."

I have no argument for that, so I simply let my tears slip free and think about what Sakaki is telling me. _Is it true that I already love Akisame?_ It's not that hard to imagine. The idea of trying to walk away from him again in cripplingly painful. I did it to spare him from Jean Luc's persecution, and it's only caused more pain. I think again about what it would be like to wake up to his face every morning, and to have him hold me at night. I desperately want to stay with everyone at Ryozanpaku… and if they could really be safe…

"They're not going to give you many options you know," Sakaki says in a grumble. "I wish we could give you more time, but the clock's finally run out."

"What do you mean?" I mumble with a sniff.

"I mean that Agent Idiot is already working on getting you a new home," Sakaki explains. "He doesn't seem to think you'll want to stay with us. He doesn't seem to believe that you'd give Akisame the time of day. I don't think he believes Akisame is good enough for you…" he glances at me from the corner of his eye as he takes another sip from his soda.

"He what…?" I say, feeling my blood begin to boil.

"Oh yeah," he says with a sigh. "I'm pretty sure the guy wants to take care of you himself. He says…"

"Who the hell does he think he is?!" I spit in disbelief, sitting up to look Sakaki in the eye.

_CRREEEEAAAAAKKKKKKKK… _the door to the hospital room slides open noisily as both Sakaki and I turn to look at it in surprise. Sakaki and I both stiffen when we see all of Ryozanpaku standing in the doorway – including Akisame. I look down and realize that I'm still curled up on Sakaki's chest, and my history slaps me in the face. I feel ashamed and I begin to move, but I suddenly feel a hand on my face. It's Akisame's, and he turns my face up to kiss me sweetly.

"It's alright, my love," he whispers in my ear. "You needed someone to talk to. Besides, Sakaki knows better."

I can hear Sakaki chuckle from beneath me and I blush. He lifts me, handing me over into Akisame's arms. They switch places, and Sakaki moves back to the chair, putting his feet up again. Akisame settles down into the hospital bed mattress and cuddles me against his chest with a brief kiss on my cheek.

"APA!" Apachai crows. "Apachai told you all Sachi was okay! She was hurt really, really bad, but… Akisame made her all better!"

"Hi, Apachai," I say to him with a smile. "Were you there?" I don't remember seeing him since I woke up at the hospital.

"Yes!" he says with a smile. "Apachai help Akisame, Sakaki and Elder fight bad men for Sachi! Then Apachai help bring Sachi here for healing. Then Apachai go home to get others and bring them to visit Sachi! Look! Kensei brought Sachi flowers!"

Indeed, Kensei is holding half-a-dozen white roses. Kenichi is holding a small balloon that says "Get Well Soon" and Miu is holding a lunchbox. Shigure simply has her sword strapped to her back. They all look relieved.

"Thank God they found you!" Miu says, leaning down to give me a hug. "We were so worried. The rest of us went to go see if you'd gone to the docks."

"Yeah," Kenichi says with a sigh. "Akisame told us what happened. Are you really all right?"

"I'm okay now." I say with a smile. "I think I've proven by now that I heal pretty well. I'll get over it." Akisame's arms squeeze me gently.

"Well, young lady," the Elder chimes in, entering the room behind them all. "Will you be returning home with us?"

Before I have the chance to answer him, Agent Kobayashi steps into the room clearing his throat.

"I actually need the opportunity to speak with her alone," he says.

"No," I say, straightening my spine and leveling a glare at him. The idea that he could even think Akisame unworthy of my affection still makes me angry. "They have become my family. If you have something to say, you can tell all of us."

"Unfortunately, mam," he says, rolling his eyes. "Not all of them have the appropriate security clearance…"

"Fine," I say. "But Akisame, Sakaki and the Elder stay. And anyone else who _does _have an appropriate clearance."

"Alright." He sighs, and to my surprise, only Miu and Kenichi leave the room. "We need to determine where you'll be staying from now on. I apologize that we didn't pull you out in time to save you before, but now that we've found you again we're prepared to fulfill all promises made to you for your safety."

"What details have you already put in place?" I ask, letting false confidence flow forward. Hoping to God that he'll give away more information that I need.

"Like we previously arranged," he begins, "we've made preparations to provide you with entirely new identification records. You can take any name you choose. We are prepared to provide you with a family as cover, and someone to play your lover and serve as a full-time body guard. They will be fully equipped to call in back-up in the case of an emergency. You will be able to begin a relatively normal life, and we will call on you to testify if the need arises – but only ever in closed hearings. I know the amnesia may make this possibility less likely, but we would be happy to accept any information on FEMME that you can manage to remember."

"What about training resources?" I ask, referring to my martial arts.

"I.." he hesitates. "I would be willing to provide you with whatever you need. Although you never expressed an interest in anything more than equipment."

"Equipment is no longer sufficient," I say curtly. "It has come to my attention that I need more thorough reconditioning. I will need the assistance of a martial arts master." I can feel Akisame tense beneath me, and when I glance at him from the corner of my eye he looks both worried and excited.

"Yes… mam," Kobayashi backtracks. "Of course."

"Do you already have arrangements for placement ready?" I ask, dreading his answer.

"Not yet," he admits, but once you give us an indication of your preferences we'll have them completed by tomorrow."

"And if my preference is to stay at Ryozanpaku?" I challenge him, not sure myself if I really want that – but I can't imagine just leaving them all again.

"I'm sorry, mam…" Kobayashi hedges, glancing around the room. "But whatever option you choose would have to be permanent. We shouldn't risk a situation where we would be forced to give you yet another identity. I understand these people have been kind to you, but… there's no guarantee they will want to continue to shelter you, and…"

"You have my word, as the head of Ryozanpaku," the Elder suddenly says, with an intense chi flowing off him powerful enough to make Kobayashi tremble in his expensive shoes. "Do you need more than that?"

"Y-Yes…" Kobayashi has the balls to stutter. "What would be her cover for staying there? What excuse would my men have to…"

"Sachi will be at Ryozanpaku to live with me as my wife," Akisame suddenly insists, glancing at me out of the corner of his eye. "Your men would have no need to be present at all unless I call to alert you that she is in danger. That would also provide her easy-access to numerous martial arts masters to fulfill her training needs."

At his declaration, my heart flutters. Kobayashi appears to be grinding his back teeth together in frustration. Kensei and Shigure both have wide-eyes, but remain silent. And Apachai…

"HOORAY!" Apachai bursts out. "Apapapapapapa! Akisame and Sachi will be so happy! Akisame will teach Sachi how to fight to death without killing her opponents all the way!"

"Quiet, Apachai!" Kensei scolds softly.

"Oh… apa…" Apachai whispers back. "Sorry."

Everything is moving too fast! I'm not nearly ready enough to make a decision, but Kobayashi says I have to make one today. I'm certainly not ready enough to leave the only people that have proven to truly want to take care of me, who have accepted me despite this knowledge of my past. I feel almost as if I'm standing outside of my body – staring at myself in shock – as I reply calmly and confidently to Agent Kobayashi.

"Then please draft up the appropriate documentation, Mr. Kobayashi. I will take the name Sachi Koetsuji. I will remain at Ryozanpaku under the cover that Akisame has explained to you. I truly appreciate your assistance."

"But mam…" he begins to counter.

I narrow my eyes at him, and put all the authority I can muster into my voice despite feeling terrified, "That is my decision, sir. You will abide by it, or you will lose my cooperation entirely."


	32. New Identity

I enter the gates of Ryozanpaku again, cradled in Apachai's arm like some kind of overgrown toddler. He insisted on carrying me back, and everyone walked together as a group, feeling more cautious than ever now that we know the threat against me is not imaginary. My heart clenches painfully at the risk my large family will take to protect me.

Miu and Kenichi met us half way home, and both of them are carrying groceries in their arms. Kenichi has on his typical leg irons that Akisame makes him wear when doing chores, but I know Akisame has kept the key with him in his pocket – in case we ran into trouble along the way. Akisame is reading through paperwork from Agent Kobayashi as he walks, too engrossed to even carry on conversation. Sakaki has a bag of belongings for me, that Kobayashi says I smuggled to him before I disappeared, slung over his shoulder. Kensei and the Elder follow behind, as Shigure runs along the rooftops scouting ahead.

"Apa!" Apachi shouts with child-like excitement. "Sachi is welcome home! You not leave again soon, okay?"

"Sachi will be staying with us for a long time, Apachai," Akisame mumbles to him without taking his eyes off of the paperwork.

None of them have asked me directly yet about my sudden decision. I suspect they are afraid that if they ask, I will change my mind. I still might. Part of me is so thankful to be home that I could cry, and the larger part is terrified. _How am I going to be married to Akisame? Will he decide he doesn't want me anymore? What if he gets hurt trying to protect me? What if one of the others is hurt… like Miu or Kenichi? What if I can't learn better habits as a fighter? What if I kill more people? _

Akisame suddenly walks up and kisses me on the forehead. I look back at him in confusion, but Sakaki is the one who answers my unspoken question.

"You're thinking way too hard, sweetheart," he says with a laugh. "I think smoke was getting ready to pour out of your ears."

"I have a lot to think about," I argue, feeling particularly prickly.

"Indeed," the Elder joins in from the doorway. "Akisame… why don't you go ahead and return Sachi to her room upstairs. She has had a very long day and will need to get adequate rest."

"Yes, I think that would be wise," Akisame says with a warm smile, lifting me out of Apachai's arms.

We don't utter a word as he carries me all the way upstairs into my room. The tension is causing my stomach to tie in knots, and soon I am fighting to hold back a groan as it pulls on the stitches in my abdomen. He sets me down on our bed. _Is it our bed again – or is it just my bed now… or…?_

"Breathe, darling," Akisame says, hovering above me. I let out the breath I hadn't realized I was holding in a rush, and clutch my side at its intense protest.

"Ouch," I mumble.

Akisame walks over to shut the bedroom door before turning back to face me with a solemn expression. "Sachi… we need to talk."

_Oh crap…. _"Okay." I slip into my more confident mode – the one I discovered in the hospital – straightening my spine and meeting his eyes. "What would you like to talk about first? Your presumption that I would marry you, or my agreement to do so?"

"Neither," he says, narrowing his eyes at me. "Why don't you introduce yourself?"

This completely confuses me, but I don't let it show on my face. As I analyze his posture, his muscles are tightening further and further. He is growing upset. "I don't know what you mean."

"I think you do," he argues. "I would like to talk to Sachi, please. The personality talking to me right now is not her – not the woman I love. This is the woman from Agent Kobayashi's stories."

"Which of us is more real?!" I argue in disbelief. "Do you know this feels more natural to me than breathing? What is wrong with how I am acting? Am I too confident for you? To assertive? Who are you to say that how I am right now is not who I really am – who I always was before I got hit in the head?"

"What you're giving me is not real," he continues to push me. "It's an act. To protect yourself. Yes, it may very well be how you have spent your whole life. It was probably necessary for survival. But when have you ever needed to protect yourself from me? Are you afraid of me now?"

"Of course not…" I whisper, turning my gaze away for the first time. I swallow hard and recollect myself, refusing to show how weak I truly am – how frightened. I turn back to him with confidence again. "I'm not trying to imply…"

"It's interesting that you would accuse me of not wanting you to be confident or assertive," he railroads right over me.

"Akisame that's not…" I try again.

"Have I given you the impression that I want some submissive woman?" he says without letting up. "Am I so sexist that you think I need a woman weak and willing at my feet? Do you…"

"AKISAME, STOP IT!" I suddenly scream at him, losing my grip on my calm completely. "PLEASE!" I feel my walls come crashing down and I slam my hand over my mouth to stop myself from screaming out more. It's too late. I feel all the pain I've been holding in since awaking in the hospital come flooding through me like a tidal wave. Tears begin to pour down my cheeks and I start to sob, biting into the flesh of my hand to keep quiet.

Suddenly his arms are around me. He's running his fingers through my hair over and over. "Shhh…." He whispers in my ear. "It's going to be alright darling. You don't have to be so afraid." He begins to rock me in his arms as he continues to croon to me. I have his shirt gripped in my fist like my lifeline to the planet. "We're going to take care of you, my love. I am going to keep you safe. I promise."

He holds me like this for a long time, as my sobs slowly begin to fade away. He hands me a tissue from a box beside the bed and I blow my nose, trying to clean up my face.

"Are you happy now?" I spit at him in aggravation.

"That's a very complicated question." He replies. "In some ways, more than I have ever been. In other ways, I fee like crying too."

"Right…" I scoff, but stop short as I look into his eyes and realize they are rimmed with red.

"Sachi… I love you," he says with complete sincerity in his eyes. "I _need _you to understand that. I _need _you to know that I will always love you, and I will always protect you… but…"

"But what?" I mumble, with dread now growing in my stomach. _This is it. This is where it all blows up in my face. "I love you, but I can't be with you…"_

"But I do not require anything in return for that love or protection."

_What? _"I… I don't understand," I admit with a sniff.

"Look at these," he says, standing up and grabbing the paperwork he's been reading.

He hands it to me and sets down on the side of the bed again – but at a distance from me. I begin to read them and I realize it is all the paperwork promised from Agent Kobayashi. There is an American birth certificate with the name Sachi Kosaka on it – my new fake maiden name. The date catches my eye, and I realize that they have labeled me as 34 years old! There's no way I look 34, so this must be my real age. _I told them so! _

There is also a college transcript with an honorary degree from some advanced medical school. Apparently I have a degree in homeopathic medicine. There is a passport with lots of very authentic-looking stamps and dates. And there is… a marriage license. Akisame Koetsuji and Sachi Kosaka Koetsuji. We were apparently married a year and a half ago. Lastly, there is immigration paperwork for Sachi Kotesuji to remain as a permanent resident with her husband. Akisame takes a small velvet box out of his pocket and places it on the night stand beside me. I open it with a trembling hand to find an elegant but plain gold band inside.

When I look up to meet his eyes he says, "The final piece of your cover. I have one to match."

I nearly fall off the bed when I realize he's been wearing it on his hand for hours and I never even noticed!

"I will live this life with you – and keep you safe – without expecting anything additional from you," he says with a very intense expression.

"But I don't…" I struggle for words. "What are you saying?"

"When we last spoke alone at the hospital," he clarifies, "you didn't want to marry me. I know this was the only way they would allow you to stay here with us – to truly be safe. I need you to understand that I do not presume that this means you want a real marriage. I do not presume my place in your bed either. This marriage can be for the public eye only, if that is truly all you want."

"Akisame…" I whisper in disbelief. _He's willing to be married to me without having sex with me still?! He's afraid I don't _WANT _to marry him?! _"I could never ask you to live a lie like that!"

I reach for his hand, but he pulls it away from me, closing his eyes. "You are not asking," he insists. "I am offering. I have lived alone all of my life. It will be difficult with you so close, but I swear to you that I can behave."

I sadly have no doubt of that.

"You have already had your choice taken from you by men who had no right," he continues with anger seeping into his tone. "I will not take it away again."

"What if…" the words catch in my throat.

_Can I really do this? Can I marry him for real? _I look at him and I can feel desperation in every cell of my body for him to hold me. I _want_ to spend the rest of my life with him. I _want_ to be the one that causes his laughter and kisses away his pain. I _want _to be a real member of his family. I want everything I have no right to have. Given the choice between this man and anyone else… I would choose him again and again – without fail. Suddenly I realize… _Oh My God… _Sakaki's right. _I'm in love with him._

"What if…" I try again. "What if I have changed? What if… a part of me has changed that I can't take back?"

He closes his eyes again and breathes deeply. "I know the truth we're going to continue to learn about your past is going to be painful – terrible." He says, misunderstanding my meaning. "I will be here for you. It will not change who you are in my eyes – the woman I know you to be outside of those circumstances."

"What if I've fallen in love with you?" I suddenly blurt out, as tears begin to start fresh down my cheeks.

"His head snaps back up and his eyes meet my own – filled with hope. He quickly smothers it – narrowing his eyes and swallowing hard.

"It would be… difficult," he hedges, "for me to know if that was the truth."

"Would it really?" I ask, with a choked laugh. I swipe the tears from my face. "Sakaki says I've already told you once. I admit… I don't remember that. But if I felt then, the way I feel now… I couldn't have allowed myself to die without you knowing. It would have been a crime."

He balls his hands into fists, and I know it's to keep from reaching for me. I move towards him, but he bolts up off the bed and backs away from me. I know I must look dumbfounded, as I stare at him in confusion.

"Don't misunderstand," he begs. "I want this too badly. I am too easily swayed. I need… I need you to marry me first… or God help me, I am going to make love to you. And good God, you're in no condition for that."

"Akisame…" I chuckle with a quirked eyebrow. "We're already married."

"On paper," he argues. "I told you that isn't binding. It doesn't force you into anything. Obviously we couldn't get married where the world could see… just Ryozanpaku. Just the people that matter… my family."

"Yes," I agree, sitting up straight and feeling more at peace than I've felt since Jean Luc arrived. "Yes, Akisame I will marry you."

A smile breaks across his face that warms me to my very soul.

"Hooray! APAPAPAPAAAA!" I hear Apachai's voice burst out of the hallway.

"Shut UP, Apachai, you idiot!" Sakaki's voice yells at him in whisper. "God damnit!"

"Oh crap," Kenichi's voice whispers behind them. "Run!"

I wrap my arms around my waist to splint against the pain as I completely loose myself in laughter while Akisame bolts out the door.


	33. Find the Full Story

Hi Everyone,

I have reached the point in my story where I can no longer post chapters on the FanFiction website. Due to the content rating guidelines (and my very exciting future chapters), I have to host the rest of the content on an alternate website. I have an account under the same pen name - KittenCobra. You can find my Akisame story there at WWW dot WATTPAD dot COM /story/11135406-do-you-know-me-akisame-love-story. I hope this helps everyone find it much easier.

If you have enjoyed my story so far, please rate and review on that website and this one so that others will know the story is worth their time. Thank you to everyone that has expressed so much love for Sachi and Akisame already.

KittenCobra


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